To object to a compulsory residential school trip?

[TheDietStartsTomorrow]

My DS is starting secondary school in September. It's a different school from the one my older DC went to. This is a new school in its second year and the staff seem to have a lot of enthusiasm and a commitment to discipline, respect and high standards which is why I chose it for him.

The head talked about a no-opt policy for all pupils, indicating that everyone has to participate in everything regardless of their inclination, reasons or excuses. Because of this, they are quite firm about not making concessions for any pupils for any reasons whatsoover.

This brings us to the compulsory residential trip. It's three days in the Lake District, in November, just a couple of months after they start school. It's not entirely an educational trip- it's discussed as an opportunity to bond with other pupils and staff and get to know each other. My son, is not too keen to go for a number of reasons. He finds it very difficult to sleep in new places; sleeping in a tent seems to him, like the worse way to spend a night, never mind three; he has never been on a residential before and is very apprehensive about going away with people who are at the moment, still strangers to him; the school is very uncompromising on students individual needs and he feels will be forced to participate in activities that he doesn't want to; he will miss an important event at sports club he goes to outside of school that he is really looking forward to.

I, as his parent, also have some reservations. The school is totally uncompromising on faith issues and I feel that DS will be made to feel like he is different and mocked when he prays. The head teacher has also shown that he will not be very accommodating of his religious needs even though they are very simple requests (he needs a quiet corner of a library/classroom for 10 mins during their lunch break to pray during a school day and this request was not recieved very well by the head. That in itself, is another story and I want MNers opinion on that too in another thread so I can ascertain if we're being unreasonable).

I also feel that if he doesn't want to go, he shouldn't be forced to. There will be other opportunities to go on residentials when he is a little older and more familiar with his school teachers and by that time, his confidence will have hopefully grown so that he goes willingly.

So, AIBU to tell the head he will not be attending? Can the school impose this upon us if he doesn't want to go? Where do I stand and what advice would you give in such a situation?

If they're going to a proper centre (which is what most schools do) the accommodation etc will be fine. I can't imagine any school is going to just pitch up to the Lake District in November with some cobbled together kit. Are you sure he's not staying in a camping barn or something of that sort?

I think it sounds a great idea tbh (and was delighted when my severely disabled son got the chance to do some outward bounds bits with school - am hoping for some more). If it's at a proper centre (which again I assume it must be- insurance etc very difficult without) there'll be no forcing anyone to do a particular activity anyway. DS2 sat out of coasteering, and ds3 loved climbing the climbing wall but refused to abseil (the easy bit imo) on various residentials - not a problem in either case.

While it's not essential to attend it is true that friendships can be formed and strengthened during this sort of trip.

However, while I think it sounds great (ds2 is very much NOT an outdoors child, so I love him in particular doing outward bounds activities - forces him to try something different & challenge himself - & saves me the arguments of trying to get him to do things) you clearly have lots of reservations so I would rethink whether it's the right school for your family. If you have this many issues before he starts I can't see it getting better. It depends how important they are to you.

I'm very much not religious myself, hence why I think religion, any religion, has no place at a school.

I am surprised there is no provision for religious pupils though.

Look into who is running the courses. The outward bound ones are brilliant. My 9 year old has just been for a week, He didn't want to go and we were anxious, but he has come back so full of confidence and had amazing experiences that will stay with him forever. He has been so shy and has only played with girls up until now, he is now playing football with the boys, they've really bonded. I would seriously think about letting him go.
The faith issue isn't good. I am really sorry that the headmaster is being like that with him, that isn't right at all.

I think the whole set-up sounds vile. Old-school 'what doesn't kill you makes you stronger' and 'As long as you play by the rules' rubbish And camping in the UK in November? That, to put it simply, is both stupid and dangerous.

I always suspected free schools were both objectionable and loopy and I think this thread is great evidence of that.

OP, I'd change schools. But then, I'd never have picked a free school in the first place.

Aside from the other issues I think on the residential point you should encourage him to join in.

I've been a guide leader for getting on for 20 years now and every year when we go on camp we have children who have never been away from home before and just before bed on the first night we get tears and tummy aches and them asking to ring their parents and go home, our response has always been to sit them down quietly and just chat about normal things, have a giggle and let them calm down and process all the new experiences and feelings, it's very daunting to be away from home the first time and guide camp is very full on. Thereafter 99.9% of them are fine and really get stuck in for the rest of the camp. The teachers will be experienced with dealing with anxiety and will help him through it.

It really does show the ones who have been to camp and the ones that haven't. Those that have camped know each other better and have friendships that go further than those that they already mix with.

Also if he already likes sport there are some really fun things to do on residentials, plus he won't have the shared experience to participate in conversations when they get back to school of 'oh mate, do you remember when X did that thing? that was mental'

Apprehension from you and DS is entirely understandable but I agree with the posters who have said that if he doesn't go he is allowing his fear to mark himself out as being different from the other children.

If he goes and he really hates it then he doesn't have to go again, but as my mum annoyingly always says, how do you know you don't like it if you haven't tried it

I am surprised at those who think you should never make a child go on a residential they don't want to.

And yes, in workplaces many adults have to go away on residential team planning, visioning days, etc as well.

Calmet yes adults have to go away for work. My kids are well aware of that since I work away from home a lot, and I often have to go to countries I would never choose to visit. The difference is, I am being paid to do my job, and I am not at risk because some teacher thinks that diagnosed conditions don't exist. DD1 didn't attend her Y7 residential, but has attended national ensemble weeks all over the country, she has also been on non 'outward boundy' school trips overseas and on field trips in this country too. Schools design residentials to suit the majority of their pupils - they don't suit all of them.

A sensible post, calculatorsatdawn.
OP needs to really consider the choice of school. This is more than 3 months before he starts and there are already problems. There will be more. OP knows the ethos of the school and it appears not to suit her DS.

I think though - Iseenyou - if your child is the only child not going on a trip from a large group (as may well happen in this case) then it may have an affect.

Quite agree that if only some go it won't be the same issue.

Whether it's the right or wrong approach doesn't really matter - it's the ethos of the school and if the OP cannot entertain the idea she might be better looking for a different school that comes closer to her preferred way of running things.

Herc that is worrying. You would think they would take it more seriously.
Maybe taking their temp etc, asking if they are ok. Checking appropriate clothes.
I have hypothyroidism and get cold inside in nov.
And have Felt like hypothermia after surfing.

Hopefully it is heated barn thing

Maybe they feel his prayers will get in the way of activities? He can hardly climb down a wall or a hill if he is half way up when he needs to pray, can he?

Perhaps they feel he can catch up his prayers when he gets home and not interfere with his schooling?

Will he be allowed to leave a lesson to pray half way through when he goes to this school?

I would think very carefully before sending him to the school at all.

Sometimes schools want kids to do things they don't want to do. Sometimes employers expect employees to do things they'd rather not. I'd tell the kid chin up and get on with it.

On the religious side yanbu. I think it's appalling that schools can't accommodate reasonable requests to meet pupils' religious needs. I would fight them on this one as you're in the right here.

manic outward bounds centre And there, for many kids, especially ones with certain SEN issues, is your problem.

Again, not in my experience. Last year a boy with autism did not attend the trip. But that was his choice. We have children with autism in every year group and, usually, they come. We have had children in wheelchairs attend. Children with behavioural disabilities never choose to stay at home. While I've been at the school we have never yet had a blind or a deaf child but I think outward bounds centres are required to make the necessary adjustments aren't they? There may be conditions that make it impossible but that's why it's important not to literally force attendance. SEN is by no means a precluder from outward bounds centres in this day and age!! If children really don't want to attend then fair enough but all, imo, should be encouraged to.

The biggest stumbling blocks I've come across are things as simple as homesickness and fussy eating.

I would question the judgement of a school taking 100 11 year olds camping in November. Unless by camping they mean in some sort of hut......And I would also question the inclusion aspect. Unless all necessary equipment was provided, obviously.

Odd choice of timing for a school trip!! Really odd.

That aside, this is the policy of the school so I agree with others and question if this is the right school for you. Being a free school, I am unsure how or if they can enforce it. The rules will be different for them compared to other schools.

I am also another one wondering how your DS coped when you took him camping with your family on those several occasions?? And also to add that a residential trip is not the same experience as a family trip because there is that element of independence from home that you get when away on a trip like this.

The school sounds great. I love the fact that they are inclusive to all pupils and dont fanny around catering to little Johnny who cant possibly go without his mummy to wipe his nose. I've been camping in -10 and providing you have the right gear then it's not a problem. What a great way to get to know the other pupils, a real bonding session and the Lake District is geared up to this sort of thing.

Your excuses, worries and over anxiousness are creating a wimpy kid too afraid to try something different 'just in case'.

manic Some people with dyspraxia have issues with eating - with the mechanics of it, with textures, with either hypersensitive senses of taste or no sense of taste. I suppose you'd just dismiss that as 'fussy eating'.

Centres are indeed required to make adjustments but IME they don't adjust the mindset of their employees. Or give them empathy.

so what Herc ? I really don't understand the issue you have? It's good to include children, whatever their problem! Fussy eating is fussy eating, regardless of whether it's physical, psychological or just picky. We have never had reason to exclude to either a dyspraxic child, a fussy child or are a both child! Of course if they choose not to despite strong encouragement and reassurance (NOT force) then fine. But why not try to give these experiences to everyone.

My own (currently Y6) daughter will be one of the hardest to get on the coach to France in September. She is a nightmare with food (hovering on the edge of being diagnosed with anorexia for quite some time now) and has various anxiety/OCD type issues. She's not the most socially robust child either. I will not force her to go but if there's any possible way that she will do it then she's going - it will be good for her.

pike the school doesn't sound so great when it comes to breaking the law by not allowing OP's son to pray. There are many reasons that a child may not be suited to a camping trip in the freezing cold including medical reasons - making it compulsory is really not on.