In fact I know I'm not. I just want you to agree with me.

[Moralityissue]

First off, I'm not going to LTB over this (though he might end up on the sofa)

I KNOW (how many people have said this and gone on to realise it's them!) I'm not being unreasonable but genuinely not sure just how unreasonable DH has been.. I'm fairly livid.. And I don't get livid very often.

Got a text from dh last week saying very simply 'got some people coming round Friday to see if we are eligable for solar panels' I reply oh ok, and absolutely nothing more is said.

Get home from work today and there are two people in my living room discussing something about solar panels.. I nip in and out literally as I then run off to get the kids from school. (I want to add here I even said 'do you need me for something?' He said no.. I left.

When I get back they are packing up ready to leave and pointing out what a clever bloke dh is for picking their company.

He's signed a contract. Apparently (and I'm far too livid to actually care right now) it's a £10,000 panel but that if the shortfall costs money the company guarantee to pay it.. I have absolutely no idea what he's signed up too. None. Only that the guy who sold it as he was running to avoid my obviously anger said that we don't actually pay anything but that we have signed something with tesco finance oh and some crap thing about we will make £60,000

I waited till they had left and then was very very angry. Told dh he had absolutely no right to make a decision like that without consulting me, it's my house too etc. Then I stormed upstairs where I remain. He hasn't come to apologise

Several points I will make here to avoid drip feeding.

• Dh is a genius, he will have examined this a thousand points over and if he says we are covered we probably are (hardly the point though) he works in financial services and is very money savvy.

• DH earns probably 5 times the amount I do (again I don't think it matters but for the sake of fairness I will include it)

So.. AIBU (and I'm obviously not) but just how livid should I be here? The only thing dh has said in his own defence is that 'well if you object we can cancel it'

These things are STUPID! Most of the time you're basically renting the dish, and if you want to sell your home it can cause holy hell. Some knowledgable people will come along soon but I've heard bad stories.

Oh brilliant

I was at least hoping it was a good thing and he had just been a prat in not consulting me.

I honestly can't remember the last time I was this angry.

Money saver supermarket recommends them apparently

Well he did tell you about the meeting in advance.

You were there but chose not to participate.

You say you trust his judgement and I assume can afford it.

He has said you can cancel the contract.

So for me OTHER than he could have said "I will be looking at making an agreement would you like to be involved" he hasn't done much wrong.

So sorry YAB a little U

If its a finance agreement you normally have a cooling off period to change your mind...

Oh and at this stage you need to research it completely and cancel within the legal timeline (14 days? ) if it's crap.

Omg really???! I can't believe that. I genuinely think I'm 1000% in the right!

And I wasn't really there.. I dropped my car off, popped through the door said 'all ok?' And then left again.

I didn't realise that all ok meant 'yes please put us in £10,000 in debt (I don't even know if this is a debt!!!)

He was BU.
There was no need to sign the contract there and then, he should have discussed it with you first. It's not about whether he has made the wrong decision (no idea) as about the fact he has made a unilateral decision. If he was sure he was right, then it would have been no bother to explain how right he was to you, before signing.

EXACTLY! Thank you Denzel

He should have consulted you. Like you say, its a major change and it is your house as well.

I personally would cancel it asap or ask them to come round when you are both in because you dont know what you have signed up to, if its something you both want.

I don't think you are totally U BUT I do think when hw forewarned you about the meeting and you didn't wish to be involved then you shouldn't be LIVID you weren't involved iyswim.

You neither made yourself available or asked him to move the meeting to be available or asked him to have the meeting but consult you before decision making.

He also quite rightly has said you can cancel. Which I would btw.

Erm, today is Thursday, tomorrow is Friday. Was it a typo or have they come a day early?

Either way, whilst I don't think he was wrong to have the initial meeting without you, he was certainly wrong and bang out of order to sign something like that without consulting you.

So, no YANBU

Softly, tbh it wouldn't have occurred to me to ask him to ask me before making the decision.

We are a team. It's our house. I shouldn't have to ask to be involved.

I do take on board the comments about I should have asked more details at the time.. Tbh I assumed it was information gathering..

I'm still bloody right though! (Though only 900% sure now!)

He may have said Thursday. I'm not sure on that one.

I may have thought today was Friday

I would read "to see if we are eligible for solar panels" (the original text sent to OP by her DH) as "to see if we meet certain criteria to get a grant towards solar panels". Not "to see whether I want to make a unilateral decision to sign over £10k of our money".

OP, I'd be pretty damn annoyed at the actual signing without my input too. My DH and I operate on the basis that we consult each other before putting pen to paper on anything that affects the household at large or is going to mean a new and not-insubstantial outgoing from our shared money. Even if one of us has done all the research or had all the discussions with whatever company is involved, out of courtesy we would always make sure the other understood what we were signing up to, how much it will cost and what the rationale is behind it before putting pen to paper.

So no, YANBU.

It would not occur to me to say 'Don't sign anything without talking to me' to DH in these circumstances though. I'd think that went without saying. I would have assumed the meeting was only to explore the possibility of getting the panel. And that if it were otherwise, my DH would tell me beforehand.

OP, I wonder if your DH is too sheepish to admit he fell for a high pressure sales technique and signed up when he hadn't intended to. It happens to clever, savvy people too you know (yes, I am thinking about you, dear Dad) and they are very bad at admitting it.

Time to check the small print, and cancel if necessary.

He is BU, and as a point of principle, EVEN if the decision is a good one, I would be making sure that that contract is cancelled.

No, he had NO RIGHT to make a unilateral decision here.

No, you should not have to make sure that he knows you want to be asked before deciding something large and financial.

No, it makes no difference whether he earns more, or is more financially savvy or whatever. (Would you decide, for example, to change DC's school, and breezily inform him after the fact, telling him that as you are the one who deals with most of this stuff you consider it really your decision? No, I assume.)

This is not about solar panels, it's about respect.

Cancel it. And do it suitably ballistically.

Oh and yes, the whole thing has a bad rep as far as I have heard.

YANBU to be a little pissed off, but what actually matters is whether the decision was a good one or not.

Look at the information, do your research (as you would presumably have done if he'd talked to you anyway) and then decide whether you want to go ahead or not.

If it turns out your DH has made a ad decision, then be pissed off. If he's done something that you would have agreed to anyway, then I can't see what the big deal is.

In principle solar panels are great, my mum pays pretty much nothing for electric now and makes money on the feed in tariff.

I would expect him to discuss it with you, but I guess he thought he had in the sense that he said what they were coming for, and you only asked if he needed you. I would expect him to talk it through with you before signing up.

My DP would probably do similar though, thinking it was his area/he was best placed to know if it was a good deal etc.

Oh don't get me wrong thats why I said a BIT U not TOTALLY U.

He shouldn't have signed BUT you should have made yourself available.

So yanbu to be a bit pissed off and call him on the fact he signed but you don't have the grounds to be livid which toy would have if he had not tried to involve you at all.

You did ask to what level you were allowed to be angry I'm giving it a scale 5 out of 10

You are 100% in the right! What he said sounds like an initial meeting to give you information, which anybody in their right mind would then consider, discuss with their partner, and then contact them several days later with a decision, not a few minutes chat then signing over a huge whack of money. You are not unreasonable at all to not have taken more of an interest at that point in time!

It's like saying 'Oh, perhaps we should think about selling the house in the next few years, shall I get an estate agent in to see about a quote so we have a rough idea of what to start looking for?' Then you come home and he's sold the house!

If there are two people living at, and paying for a property, then both people need to be involved in any major decision to do with it.

I agree with you OP. The important thing for me would be that you decide big things like this together. I don't care how pathetic it sounds (actually it is quite funny seeing the look on people's faces) when I say "I'll need to discuss it with my wife". I would go bonkers if she agreed something like that without me. Having said that at the point where he said "I've invited some solar panel salesfolk round" I would've said something such as "why?" or "Do you think solar panels are a good idea then?"

Yep HIBU and YANBU.

Any decision like this should be taken together. Actually I would be livid if I hadn't been involved in the first discussion too mainly because I want to know what we are signing for (as you are married it is really a WE) and them we can discuss it having had the same information.

Now we do have solar panels and I think they are great but as someone pointed out up thread, there are some weird skins going on now that you need to be careful about.

And no the fact he is good at finances and that earns more than you do not make any difference at all.

A colleague of mine has solar panels, he pays nothing for the electricity and in fact sells it on to the network, so it actually earns him money. If your H is clever he will have got a similar deal. I hope so.
On the other hand this is a decision that should have been made jointly, so YANBU.
I would want to know how long before the savings on the electricity bill and the excess sold would take to pay for the initial outlay.

Btw to make herself available, the soap needed to know when guys were coming over. As it happens it was conveniently happening between the time she got back from work and the time to pick up the dcs etc..., it's not as if she has been reading somewhere what in the house waiting for them to finish.

We are having done work in the house at a cost of about £400. I still told DH about when the guys are coming over to have a chat. I also ask him to tell me if he had any questions for them. And I won't make the decision before talking to him. Isn't that just .... Normal?

Well I'm completley in the wrong according to dh. He saw a good opportunity, it was an investment, if I trust him I shouldn't have a problem.

Of course then it was turned onto how hurt he is that I don't trust him

Still livid and more so because he won't admit he's wrong.

He's paid 10k out outright.. So we own them. With a guarantee that for the first year if they don't make the money the company pays us it's amount.

I cannot understand how anyone can think I'm in the wrong about this. I'm blatantly not!