In fact I know I'm not. I just want you to agree with me.

[Moralityissue]

First off, I'm not going to LTB over this (though he might end up on the sofa)

I KNOW (how many people have said this and gone on to realise it's them!) I'm not being unreasonable but genuinely not sure just how unreasonable DH has been.. I'm fairly livid.. And I don't get livid very often.

Got a text from dh last week saying very simply 'got some people coming round Friday to see if we are eligable for solar panels' I reply oh ok, and absolutely nothing more is said.

Get home from work today and there are two people in my living room discussing something about solar panels.. I nip in and out literally as I then run off to get the kids from school. (I want to add here I even said 'do you need me for something?' He said no.. I left.

When I get back they are packing up ready to leave and pointing out what a clever bloke dh is for picking their company.

He's signed a contract. Apparently (and I'm far too livid to actually care right now) it's a £10,000 panel but that if the shortfall costs money the company guarantee to pay it.. I have absolutely no idea what he's signed up too. None. Only that the guy who sold it as he was running to avoid my obviously anger said that we don't actually pay anything but that we have signed something with tesco finance oh and some crap thing about we will make £60,000

I waited till they had left and then was very very angry. Told dh he had absolutely no right to make a decision like that without consulting me, it's my house too etc. Then I stormed upstairs where I remain. He hasn't come to apologise

Several points I will make here to avoid drip feeding.

• Dh is a genius, he will have examined this a thousand points over and if he says we are covered we probably are (hardly the point though) he works in financial services and is very money savvy.

• DH earns probably 5 times the amount I do (again I don't think it matters but for the sake of fairness I will include it)

So.. AIBU (and I'm obviously not) but just how livid should I be here? The only thing dh has said in his own defence is that 'well if you object we can cancel it'

Carrying on from Bruno's ideas, he needs his nipples sandpapering for an hour, every 2 hours got a month...

He really can't see the difference to commuting you jointly to a £10k finance deal and spending 1p on the house? Loon. He IBtotallyU.

This is probably one of the reason why sales people try to insist on both parties being present.

I thought that was so you couldn't say well yes but I have to discuss it with other half - and then get them out the house rather than sign there and then as it's an effective way to stop a high power selling pitch.

I have signed contract by myself and sales people have had to make do with just me - most companies haven't had any issue with this - as it's the only way they would get our work that or accomodate seeing us at the weekend.

OP I'm sorry that is a nasty e-mail in tone hopefully said in anger hurt. I hope you both manage to calm down and then talk through the whole thing and get to see each other point of view. Or at least find a way forward.

The government subsidies for solar panels were cut on 1 April 2014.

Yes, that's true. About 2 years ago the subsidies were significantly reduced - it took the bottom out of the solar panel market literally overnight (oddly I've just written a paper in it for a government department). The subsidies have been cut again, on 1 April.

There are two types of solar subsidy. It depends what the solar power is being used for.

RHI if you're using them for solar thermal [[https://www.ofgem.gov.uk/environmental-programmes/domestic-renewable-heat-incentive/about-domestic-rhi/tariffs-and-payments-domestic-renewable-heat-incentive[[

Tariffs for electricity gen www.energysavingtrust.org.uk/Generating-energy/Getting-money-back/Feed-In-Tariffs-scheme-FITs

The solar panels may or may not be a good idea - impossible to say without knowing exactly what system and how big, but it does sound on the expensive side.

Signing up on the day is never a good idea. Same as with double glazing - if the company is pressuring you to make a decision NOW NOW NOW, they're not a responsible company and are almost certainly overpriced. A reputable organisation that really is offering a good price with no catches will give you a quote and let you think about it for at least a month - usually 3. And relying on government guarantee to offset the investment isn't wise - they are constantly changing the schemes and tariffs.

Having said that, if it really is 'his' money and won't in any way affect your finances or the family finances (and I wouldn't be 100% sure of that when there are loans involved) then in most circumstances I'd say HWNBU to make a financial decision without discussing it with you. Even if it's a poor decision.

BUT this isn't a purely financial decision, Installing the system will mean scaffolding, people traipsing in and out, holes being drilled in walls ... so he hasn't just taken a decision about how to spend his own money, he's taken a decision that will affect everyone in the house. And therefore he should have discussed it

OK, it sounds positive that he has booked a babysitter and is keen to sit down and discuss it properly. Try to stay calm and explain exactly what upset you so much.

Hmm sceptical about the returns on this. The feed in tariffs are not very good anymore. (DH and I work in this field from a science perspective).

Are they definitely just solar panels or the new ones that combine solar and photovoltaics? They do seem to have the potential to save you money.

That email cis roughly translated as follows....

"I know I fucked up, I was sucked in by the salesmens patter and I now feel fucking stupid, especially given how clever I believe myself to be. But I cannot and will not admit that so I must blame you in order to save face and cancel the contract.

In order to make me feel ok you must accept all responsibility for cancelling so that I can say, hand on heart, it was nothing to do with me and my tiny little willy wont drop off, which it would have done if I had to admit that I was wrong and you were right."

My dad says says these solar panels could be a problem. If you read the small print you sign your roof away which makes your house unsellable. Also they only last so many years and either bird poo etc you will never get the money back. Be careful they spreading...... I see them spreading and feel sorry for the openers who aren't aware of the complications...

Owners not openers....why my ipad changed it to that i dont know...

You're dead right to consider him unreasonable for getting into such a thing with no discussion, but I do love the immediate 'oh great we're fucked then' type reaction in response to the very first reply of the thread which referred to a 'dish'! That was comedy, though to be fair - probably the correct reaction in the end anyway.

"you can take that 50% and shove it up your arse, as soon as the divorce lawyers have finished with you if you dont sharpish see sense and behave like a rational and respectful human being towards me"

london is that why the vairy naice house in the village wont sell? Houses of that type, at that price, are like rocking horse shit and are snapped up straight away but this one has been on the market for over a year and the price has dropped twice. It is billed as an "ecohome" and has solar panels all over the roof, front and back. It is a detached 4 bed bungalow with a good sized garden, off road parking for 3 cars and is currently on at the same price as 3 bed semis with a shared drive and single garage (think 60's private estate type places, lounge with kitchen/diner, 3 small beds and an avocado bog!).

I looked into panels last year but we dont have the right type of roof, and now I know this I am grateful as we would have gone ahead with it if the companies we contacted said that it was doable.

Bogey face.. Thank you for the translation.. It helped more than you know!!
I think that sounds like rented panels which DH dismissed alledgedly for that reason. So we would have owned ours outright.

So we have kind of talked. I've told him I will consider the crackpot idea in a couple of months when the dust has settled.. I also pointed out that had he spoken to me first I would almost certainly have said yes which means that the delay is completley of his own doing. that went down well

He hasn't said sorry. Well he said 'sorry that your upset' which is different isn't it? He's still adamant I over reacted.. And I'm adamant he was an arse.

So it's not solved by any means.. But we are talking, and interestingly he's been like super stepdad tonight.. He's always good with the kids but he's been off the chart tonight sucking up possibly?

I'm hoping this is the end of it, I'm still pissed off.. More that he hasn't apologised grovelled but then he hasn't got his own way and so I'm taking it as a victory sort of . Knowing my husband, he really doesn't say sorry easily.. He will show it but the words are very hard to come by.. It's one of his most maddening traits if I'm honest.

But he's also a fabulous father figure, incredibly generous to the point of being a prat, sweet and kind usually

I've told him how I feel, and told him that it's now absolutely explicit that we discuss this stuff so there is absolutely no excuse in the future.

We can but see.

And on a childish note I enjoyed watching him squirm when the sales people rang back whilst we were in the car and he had to confirm the cancellation.

morality You're welcome, been there, done that, got the moral victory!

Ime now is a good time to let it go, for two reasons. The first being that you know you were right, he knows you were right and you not crowing about it is more irritating for him because he cant be grumpy at you for saying "I told you so" because you didnt say "I told you so"! Secondly, because you have been uber reasonable (and right ) he will think twice before bringing this, or any other hare brained schemes, up again.

Win win!