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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

In fact I know I'm not. I just want you to agree with me.

118 replies

Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 16:41

First off, I'm not going to LTB over this (though he might end up on the sofa)

I KNOW (how many people have said this and gone on to realise it's them!) I'm not being unreasonable but genuinely not sure just how unreasonable DH has been.. I'm fairly livid.. And I don't get livid very often.

Got a text from dh last week saying very simply 'got some people coming round Friday to see if we are eligable for solar panels' I reply oh ok, and absolutely nothing more is said.

Get home from work today and there are two people in my living room discussing something about solar panels.. I nip in and out literally as I then run off to get the kids from school. (I want to add here I even said 'do you need me for something?' He said no.. I left.

When I get back they are packing up ready to leave and pointing out what a clever bloke dh is for picking their company.

He's signed a contract. Apparently (and I'm far too livid to actually care right now) it's a £10,000 panel but that if the shortfall costs money the company guarantee to pay it.. I have absolutely no idea what he's signed up too. None. Only that the guy who sold it as he was running to avoid my obviously anger said that we don't actually pay anything but that we have signed something with tesco finance Hmm oh and some crap thing about we will make £60,000 Hmm

I waited till they had left and then was very very angry. Told dh he had absolutely no right to make a decision like that without consulting me, it's my house too etc. Then I stormed upstairs where I remain. He hasn't come to apologise Hmm

Several points I will make here to avoid drip feeding.

  • Dh is a genius, he will have examined this a thousand points over and if he says we are covered we probably are (hardly the point though) he works in financial services and is very money savvy.

  • DH earns probably 5 times the amount I do (again I don't think it matters but for the sake of fairness I will include it)

So.. AIBU (and I'm obviously not) but just how livid should I be here? The only thing dh has said in his own defence is that 'well if you object we can cancel it'

Angry
OP posts:
Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 18:25

He did admit he didn't feel comfortable 'asking my permission' in front of the salesmen.

twat and ironically I would have described him as a feminist.

OP posts:
DaVinciNight · 22/05/2014 18:29

How hard was it to just say 'ok that looks good. I need to think about it and I'll call you back. ' I mean as an astute finance guy that you should always have a cooling period to think about things over.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 18:32

Oh but they were only in town for two days...

it's like he fell from a tree

I've got from being really really livid to really really worried.. He genuinely cannot see what he's done 'wrong' and this worries me for the future.

It's ten thousand pounds.

I cannot imagine a universe where I would spend 10,000 without speaking to him.

I feel really hurt and he's not getting it Sad

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Moreisnnogedag · 22/05/2014 18:38

I must admit I wouldn't give a flying fig if it makes money or not. It's ten thousand pounds. Fuck me, if that ain't worth just checking I shudder to think what would be.

Andro · 22/05/2014 18:54

'got some people coming round Friday to see if we are eligable for solar panels'

That's information gathering, not final decision making.

Well I'm completley in the wrong according to dh. He saw a good opportunity, it was an investment, if I trust him I shouldn't have a problem.

He knows he's screwed up so he's turning it around on you.

Oh but they were only in town for two days...

That sounds like a scam - do you have the company details? I'd be looking them up.

YADNBU, it's basic good manners to discuss large outlays with your spouse/partner.

DaVinciNight · 22/05/2014 19:43

Only there for tow days??? Either it's a scam it a selling technique, which seeing his background, he should be well aware off.

I actually think he got convinced by these salesmen to buy something he wasn't quite ready to buy. And he knows it.

There is always a cooling period on that and would use it NOW to get out of it. If the deal is so good and real, then I am sure you can find another company doing the same and this time taking the decision together.

softlysoftly · 22/05/2014 19:44

Ok I'm upping the allowance for anger from a 5 to a 9 from his subsequent emotional twattery.

cancel it

PrimalLass · 22/05/2014 19:53

What I would be more pissed off about is that the company went ahead with only your DH's signature. I bet they wouldn't if it was you who had signed it. Then they would need your DH there too.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 20:05

Actual primal, that's a valid bloody point. I'm on the mortgage.. Why wouldn't they need my consent?

Still livid btw. And he's still faking indignation.

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Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 20:42

Softly.. I'm glad your now on team right lol

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BerniesBurneze · 22/05/2014 20:52

He is being totally U.

And I wouldn't trust him or his agreement. Research it yourself, at least get 2 quotes FFS.

Tell him to cancel the contract whilst you investigate it.

Only in town for 2 fucking days???... What he can't sign something and post it back? For £10k they'd make the journey back anyway!

Your husband is an idiot, I really mean that. I would not trust his opinion.

Anotheronebitthedust · 22/05/2014 21:11

there are so many things wrong with this

a) He didn't feel it was worth consulting you about a decision that affects your whole family, to do with the house you live in and pay for
b) £10,000!
c) Paid up front!
d) He is a 'financial genius' as he fell for this 'Only in town for two days,' malarky
e) Felt embarrassed to tell them he needed your permission Angry
f ) Now being a twat and trying to turn it around on you!

I would cancel it, if you can. Mainly because it sounds dodgy as fuck, but also just to make a stand, that this is so far from unacceptable. Otherwise, what happens next, you come home from work and your kids are at boarding school? "It's a good opportunity, it was an investment, if I trust him I shouldn't have a problem?"

Contact citizen's advice or your mortgage provider to see what the rules are about making significant changes to your home without one of the owners agreeing to it.

NomNomDePlum · 22/05/2014 21:22

it's your house too. he's a knob for making a unilateral decision about it, he's a knob for getting arsey with you (he in fact was obliged to seek your permission for it, since it's your house too) and he's clearly a moron to have handed ten grand over to somebody who is 'only in town for two days.'

YANBU. rage on.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 21:37

I don't actually know how to handle this. He's still adamant he's right faking it more likely I've looked into it and tbf it does look a good deal.. Ridiculously if he had spoken to me about it I would probably have said yes lets to for it.

But he took that decision out of my hands, and I now feel almost betrayed? I can't believe how different he seems to me at the moment and I have this desire to stamp my feet and say 'fuck right off if you thjnk I'm this little woman who you can do what the fuck you like I will meekly submit'

But then it IS his money. It's not joint earnings. It's his.

In his defence he hasn't said that yet but I'm very aware of it.

I'm so completley and utterly hurt. I thought we were a team and were not are we? We are a team as long as I agree with his decisions.

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CanaryYellow · 22/05/2014 21:37

I'm on team YANBU.

I'd be livid if DH spent 10k of our money without discussing it with me first, and I wouldn't give a shiny shit if it was the best deal on the best thing ever and we were going to make our money back in a year, I'd still be fucking fuming.

As it is, the whole "they are only in town for 2 days" sounds well dodgy, which would annoy me even more.

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 21:38

He's now said sorry.. It didn't come across even a teeny bit like he meant it.

I'm reminded of a toddler whose being made to apologise as oppose to feels genuinely sorry.

How can he not even be sorry at how hurt I am? Though in his head I'm over reacting Hmm

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stayathomegardener · 22/05/2014 21:51

We had a woodchip boiler put in that works on a similar feed in tariff. It has been fantastic.
DH dealt with it without me because I had zero interest and time in sorting that part of the build. It was a similar cost to "your" Solar panels.
I was though interested in the design of the building that housed it and the height of the chimney for example,it was something we discussed on and off for weeks.
If these solar panels go up you are going to be constantly reminded on a visual basis of how unreasonable your DH was.
I would cancel on principal.

Suttonmum1 · 22/05/2014 21:58

Cancel ASAP. no one should spend 10K without comparative quotes. Feed in tariffs are much lower than they were, so those with stories of how much people have saved are probably irrelevant to you.

petal2008 · 22/05/2014 22:00

I agree with PrimalLass How can this be agreed by just him when every other home improvement type plan always has to have "the man of the house" present if the woman organises the meeting? Sometimes when the woman is the sole homeowner.

NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/05/2014 22:03

www.energysavingtrust.org.uk/Generating-energy/Getting-money-back/Solar-Energy-Calculator this is useful to get an idea of what they will save you

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 22:07

Well I'm now in bed. He still hasn't given even a remotely genuine apology.

If I wasn't do bloody sure I was right then I would be convinced I was wrong by his pouting disbelief that I'm not doing cartwheels over his fabulous idea.

At least some of this grasps at straws is that DH has always had money.. I haven't and therefore see money very differently to him.. Not that that excuses this. To him if this doesn't work out (though he appears absolutely brainwashed convinced that it will then we have lost some money but actually tried to invest.

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NoArmaniNoPunani · 22/05/2014 22:08

When I put my details into the calculator it came out that if I spent 10K on solar panels I'd get back just over 7 of it after 25 years. I hope your roof is sunnier than mine

Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 22:13

We live in the West Midlands.

Doesn't sound likely. Sad

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Original poster
Moralityissue · 22/05/2014 22:14

Though I think that's 7k 'profit' on top of no electricity bill?

Oh god knows. I hate the things now on princible.

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amicissimma · 22/05/2014 22:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.