In fact I know I'm not. I just want you to agree with me.

[Moralityissue]

First off, I'm not going to LTB over this (though he might end up on the sofa)

I KNOW (how many people have said this and gone on to realise it's them!) I'm not being unreasonable but genuinely not sure just how unreasonable DH has been.. I'm fairly livid.. And I don't get livid very often.

Got a text from dh last week saying very simply 'got some people coming round Friday to see if we are eligable for solar panels' I reply oh ok, and absolutely nothing more is said.

Get home from work today and there are two people in my living room discussing something about solar panels.. I nip in and out literally as I then run off to get the kids from school. (I want to add here I even said 'do you need me for something?' He said no.. I left.

When I get back they are packing up ready to leave and pointing out what a clever bloke dh is for picking their company.

He's signed a contract. Apparently (and I'm far too livid to actually care right now) it's a £10,000 panel but that if the shortfall costs money the company guarantee to pay it.. I have absolutely no idea what he's signed up too. None. Only that the guy who sold it as he was running to avoid my obviously anger said that we don't actually pay anything but that we have signed something with tesco finance oh and some crap thing about we will make £60,000

I waited till they had left and then was very very angry. Told dh he had absolutely no right to make a decision like that without consulting me, it's my house too etc. Then I stormed upstairs where I remain. He hasn't come to apologise

Several points I will make here to avoid drip feeding.

• Dh is a genius, he will have examined this a thousand points over and if he says we are covered we probably are (hardly the point though) he works in financial services and is very money savvy.

• DH earns probably 5 times the amount I do (again I don't think it matters but for the sake of fairness I will include it)

So.. AIBU (and I'm obviously not) but just how livid should I be here? The only thing dh has said in his own defence is that 'well if you object we can cancel it'

He was BU to sign anything before talking to you and his reaction is him being an arse.
I wonder how he'd feel if you chose to arrange to spend £10k on a family car / building work and not mention it to him - then tell him its a good decision and he should trust you when he gets upset?

My only suggestion is to state your feeling clearly without it becoming a discussion - i.e "i feel that £10k is a lot of money and as i jointly own the house you should have spoken to me first. The salesmen would have understood if you had said you were going to think it over and let them know. I thought we are meant to be a team but your actions dont make it feel like we are. Its upsetting. And the fact that you dont understand this is making me angry. Think about what I've said and we can talk again tomorrow."
(should add a disclaimer that my DH tends to get all excited by deals etc and the best way to get him to think is to tell him why i disagree, arrange to continue the discussion the next day and then leave him on his own for it to sink in. The follow-up conversation is always more sensible and less likely to become a row)

I believe it is a D yes.

Cancel it, you can always change your mind.

He sounds as though he was pushed into it. Why on earth didn't he say " come back next week, when I've spoken to my wife?"

But why don't you know if its a debt or not? Don't you know how much money you have in the bank?

Lavender, I meant at the time I didn't know whether it was a 'rental' or a purchased.. So I wasn't sure if we had actually spent 10k or not.

For the record he's taken out a loan to be paid back monthly at a rate much less than we currently pay in electric alledgedly

I would simply insist on it being cancelled because if he now still thinks that he is right, he needs to be made to understand that it is not about solar panels but about a marriage, a partnership and what it is supposed to mean.

Making a stand to show him just his fundamental that HAS to be if your partnership is to survive long term is worth more than 50k worth of profit.

Or does he not think the same way?

And it's not his money. You are partners.

Do not discuss further, simply insist on cancelling.

And the not wanting to look bad by consulting with you in front of two goons - Jesus I would lose a MASSIVE amount of respect for him for that bit alone.

My OH nearly did this a couple of years ago and I went bonkers conkers at him.

Some bloke came knocking at the door talking tripe and OH believes every word. They send a 'surveyor' round who went to the back of the house, looked at the roof and goes 'yep, thats all fine'.

I watched all this, listened to more of his tripe and then told him to clear off.

Luckily a bloke we know came round shortly after and told OH it was all crap. Because the bloke said it OH finally listened

Like I wanted bloody great big solar panels on my lovely new roof.

Good idea or not, I'd be so pissed off if my partner did that without consulting me!

What's the company name? It sounds like a scam, you really need to cancel.

I think it's these:

www.absolutesolar.co.uk

I don't know for 100% but I thjnk that's it

My dp have in the last year or two signed up for this at the age of 90!! The rest of the family were but I think it does raise the value of the house and they have been enjoying the free electricity.

This isn't really about the solar panels, is it. It's about his attitude towards money, and the age old problem of who earns more.
From what you have said, OP, you find it harder to object to his decision on this because it is his money, or you feel he sees it as such, without having said so.
Either there is a real financial imbalance or you feel that there is one.
It should be family money. Either he doesn't get that, or you don't feel able to ask for that. Perhaps ?? Just hazarding a guess though.

Solar panels an be a good investment IF

You have the right sort of property (ie a roof that will get enough light)
You have the money to invest
you are planning on staying in the property long enough to recoup your investment.

Things to bear in mind:

The return on them can't be guaranteed (ie no one knows precisely how much they will still be generating in 10+ years time, due to variable weather, decreases in efficiency etc)
Not all solar panels are equal - you need the right kind for your property.
They are unlikely to add the same amount as they cost to the value of your house.
The power they generate is usually not stored, ie when light is on them they will generate power which your house will use in preference to the grid. When light is not on them, you will be using normal power. you may still have a bill
Not every house is suitable
There is an explosion of companies that have moved into this area, all with varying amounts of experience and trustworthiness. A 'lifetime guarantee' is worth nothing from a company that may have folded in five years.
It may put potential buyers off the property (people think they're ugly, etc) OTOH, some people may see them as a plus.
They require cleaning and there are maintenance costs to consider.

(I used to work in this industry )

This is a big investment, and I really don't think it should be undertaken lightly, or without serious research and discussion.

In summary: YANBU.

YANBU. 10k is a huge sum.

We are comfortably off. But wouldn't sign ANY contract without discussion with each other beforehand. Not mind one for 10k!!

Give him the whole 'I thought we were a team' speech, and let him know how being excluded has made you feel.

It sounds like the Green Deal with feed-in tariff and/or the new RHI cashback, but rather than going with Green Deal financing (APR a little high) he's gone for a cheaper rate through another loan (Tesco).

If it's anything like the calculations I've done recently (not just for solar, but other renewables too) then it's likely it's a 'no brainer'. If it's RHI then it needs to be done quickly as the rates are going to fall the more people sign up (but once signed up you get your rate guaranteed for 7 years).

I suspect he sees this as an investment decision (i.e. put some money down and generate a high rate of return) rather than a purchase (e.g. buy a new car for 10k). If so, do you normally share investment decisions? I ask as I'd regularly shift 10k of bonds or equities to other investments when I see an opportunity, but wouldn't go out and buy myself a car without discussion.

Can't believe if he is that financially clued up he would have dived straight in for this deal! Lots more research to be done (what tigermoll said...). So many companies offering "wonderful" deals ATM -so much comparison to do! These things sound all singing all dancing but vary so much-even within our village we have one person who spent very little and is making a lot, compared to our immediate neighbour who spent twice as much and isn't generating much 'leccy because her garden is a dense forest! The fabulous payouts from the government are subject to change or delay whatever they promise-we are still waiting for our renewable heat incentive after 3 yrs-it is all now apparently happening but despite gathering up all the info required, paying for BG to assess the house, sending all the info to our heat pump company for their part, the head end doesn't know what the tail end is doing and our pay out is being delayed even longer.... There must be a cooling off period-I suggests he makes use of that then does some bloody research! Yes-investing in the traditional financial way is getting no return ATM but who would invest £10K with some pushy company without doing some research?! He will be able to find better deals, better quality panels, higher returns. Talk to your local tradesmen-electricians can fit the things then certified companies will charge an amount to sign them off so you can receive the tariff-cheaper all round! YANBU.

How the hell are the solar panels going to make you £60k? They will offset the cost of electricity you use, and make you a bit back from selling back to the grid but £60k??? Over what timescale?

I didn't think you got paid for any overage now?

Op have you tried goggling the company (and it's parent company), would also check watchdogs list.

YANBU

He's bought solar panels and taken out a loan to do so! He sounds like he's been planning it for ages. Has he never mentioned it to you at all?

It would hugely piss me off, unless our finances were totally separate, and the loan wasnt in my name/ joint account and I wouldn't be expected to sub him or go without for the next ten years.

Has he researched it properly and seen lots of firms etc? But stuff about not wanting to look less of a man by asking you - he was definitely played by the sales people and that alone should make him angry he fell for it and angry at them.

Does he realise they get a commission? He didn't sign for a loan with them as well did he?

If my DH had done this I would have strung him up by the balls. We don't make big decisions like that without research and a family discussion. Research would include different quotes together with estimated rate of return over however many years.

DH would do all the research and come up with his preferred option. We would then discuss it, I would pick holes in his reasoning and maths and look at all the quotes / rates of return (which would be in a handy spreadsheet) and more often than not, agree with him.

He would then organise installation etc.

If your DH did the above, yabu. As he's taken the "it's my money anyway" toddler attitude, he is being doubly unreasonable.

It doesn't matter if it's a good idea, going to earn you thousands, with the best company in the UK. It matters that he has made a unilateral decision regarding £10k of family money without doing you the courtesy of discussing it with you.

My DH would also not sulk and try to turn it around or say I didn't trust him. He'd realise that his behaviour has shown that he doesn't see me as an equal life partner and he had given me no reason to trust him.

Unreasonableness score - you 0, your DH 10.

Oh and giving in to "only in town 2 days" pressure - we'd have said no on principle!

I left my ex over this kind of thing. We had £20 at the end of the month for anything-and-everything (unexpected petrol, Drs bills/medicine, etc) and he'd come home with £70 of tools, because he "needed them."
The kicker was when he begged to stop off on the way to our first date in months via the babysitter, and he asked if we could stop at a car yard to just get some info on a car we were vaguely interested in.
"Sure, I say. DC is asleep, I'll wait for you. Don't make promises you can't keep."

He told me three days later he'd signed for £12,000 of car.

He too, is a financial whizz. But somehow, I was expected to make up the shortfall from somewhere- usually things I needed.
As you say, it wasn't totally the money aspect. It was the utter disrespect, the total disregard for our partnership.

YANBU. HIBVVVVVVVVVVVVU.

I think you need to talk to your mortgage company if you are going to do this. Is your roof in good repair? What happens if your roof needs replacing? What guarantees have they given? What is their after sales service like (I ask this because my parents had panels installed about four years ago and had HUGE issues within the first few months before it was working properly and delivering the expected returns).

I would be livid if DH had done this too. There are a lot of cowboys out there at the moment so I would want to be sure!

He should definitely have discussed this with you before signing on the dotted line.

But in his defence, do you (as a couple) have savings and is he the main decision maker in terms of how to invest those savings? If the answer to that is yes, he may have seen this as no different to a decision about which savings account, ISA etc. Or are you usually equally involved in those decisions?

I'm not saying he's right to think that btw. You should definitely have been involved. I'm just trying to think of reasons why he is being such a twat misogynist.

Buying solar panels is one thing, if you are renting your roof space to them it's a long term deal and has implications should you want to sell your house in the period of the agreement (which can be 25 years).

This was all over the radio a couple of months ago.

Being in financial services doesn't mean you're financially literate (unfortunately).

YAnbu, but, FiL makes a reasonable amount from his solar panels. He does have 12 though!

Well nothing has changed.

I've hunted down the paperwork.. He's bought £11k worth of stuff.. Paid a 2k deposit. Some stuff about heating as well as the standard electric.

He still hasn't budged in his thought process and neither have I.

I truly don't give a shit about the panels anymore. He can put them on the roof, the car round his fucking neck but I'm hurt because he's been a twat and he doesn't get that.. Or if he does then he doesn't care.. Or his pride is worth more than my feelings.

None of it is good is it really?