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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

He is a pedophile

146 replies

Friedbrain · 20/05/2014 19:16

Firstly, I apologise about the heading, I just didn't know how to word it.

I found out today that someone the children and I talk to is a convicted pedophile.
A parent at the school told me today, I asked how she knew and she had told me someone told her, she Google it and it was right there in front of my eyes.
A news website with him in it.

He has lots of dogs right next to the school, all the children talk to him about the dogs, think nice grandad down the park type.

I have obviously always been there when the children have spoken to him, and conversation is always about the dogs.

The children know about stranger danger and we have spoken lots about the under wear rule and feeling uncomfortable around someone and not to keep secrets in a very open way.

But how can you stop children talking to people..

Especially when this man is someone we see most days and they already know all the dogs names and stop and stroke them.

I am not a silly person.
I know about child protection and relevant laws etc...
Please don't knit pick about the heading or the spelling or something similar.

This is just a thread about how I discourage the children from talking to him..

I don't want them anywhere near him and they are not old enough to know why

What would you do?

OP posts:

LiberalLibertine · 21/05/2014 19:21

FriedBrain can I ask why you haven't phoned anyone about this yet?

matildasquared · 21/05/2014 19:21

Why are people arguing the point that it might not be him? What is the purpose on this therad?

I wish I knew. It feels like the same sort of denial people get when they report sex crimes. ("That man sexually harassed me." "Are you sure?")

People just don't want to believe bad things.

waterlego6064 · 21/05/2014 19:29

I don't think it's that, matilda. I think it's because people understand the possible consequences of mistaken identity in gossiping about such cases.

Regardless, almost everyone has suggested phoning 101 and the OP doesn't appear to have done that yet. Not sure why

matildasquared · 21/05/2014 19:30

Which is why nearly everyone is advising to call 101 instead of gossiping!

And yet still we're getting the "but was he convicted?" stuff.

waterlego6064 · 21/05/2014 19:33

I wonder what the OP will do.

I think it's reasonable for posters to question the accuracy of the information. The OP has responded several times to those questions, but I would suggest that only the police would be able to verify for certain what the situation is.

Greydog · 21/05/2014 19:34

I haven't read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been asked - but if the parent who knew was told by someone else, why aren't they concerned? have they done anything? Why just pass on the "news"?

Original poster

Friedbrain · 21/05/2014 19:53

Yes I have spoken.to 101, they couldn't give me much information, just noted everything down that I knew....

I didn't come.on here about what to do about him...

I already knew what to do..

I came on here to ask how to tell my children not to talk to him anymore.
A man they feel they 'know'

Thanks for everyone's comments

OP posts:

Martorana · 21/05/2014 19:57

Did the police not give you any advice ? How very strange.

Nomama · 21/05/2014 20:02

They may have to do some ringing round before they can disclose anything.

They may not be able to tell OP anything at all.

They may have told her to say nothing at all.

At this point, knowing she has rung them I would stop asking her questions. I know that sounds OTT but we don't know if/what she was told and nor should we.

That and none of us have been much help to her REAL question: how does she tell her kids?

Icimoi · 21/05/2014 20:05

And yet still we're getting the "but was he convicted?" stuff.

No, we're not, we're getting the "are you sure that this is the same man as the one in the picture you've seen on a news website?" stuff. The difference is significant.

Original poster

Friedbrain · 21/05/2014 20:06

Martorana... What are you trying to say?

My original post wasn't asking what to do about him, maybe you should re- read it.

I know I am on the AIBU discussion board but we should all be on the same side here

OP posts:

matildasquared · 21/05/2014 20:08

...no it isn't. Anyway see about re: not gossiping but calling 101.

A bit weird that the police didn't help you! I would call back and ask to come and speak to someone.

I think it's okay for you to just hustle your kids past the Creepy Dog Man and if they ask why say, "I don't like that man so much," then change the subject to someone/something you do like.

matildasquared · 21/05/2014 20:10

Oh sorry, my "no it isn't" is in response to icimoi, not you fried.

MisForMumNotMaid · 21/05/2014 20:31

I think having skimmed the thread, sorry if repeating something someones already said, i'd tell the children the truth but a toned down version.

That you have found out that in the past this man was not very nice to some children. You know that they like petting the dogs but because you've found this out you don't feel it is a good thing to do anymore and you'd like them to stay away from him.

I think sometimes our children have to just accept what they're asked and its really not necessary to elaborate further.

Regarding strangers, as an aside, we had an incident with my middle child (then 7) and my then 6 year old nephew. They were playing out the back of my mums house on a grassy bank, she was in her garden. Some men approached them and started chatting. They asked the boys to take them to a local recreation ground/ park. Its about half a mile away - not something you'd normally ask young children to do. My mum suddenly realised the adult voices were talking to the children and ran out and called the boys in. The men disappeared before my dad ran out the back gate. It may have all been innocent, the police sent out a car and got details about the men. The reason for the tale is we have always talked to the children about stranger danger and telling someone where you're going etc but they told us these men weren't strangers because they'd been chatting to them! We have now fully explained what makes a stranger.

Not an easy situation. I'm sure the police would advise you if you contacted them.

MiscellaneousAssortment · 21/05/2014 21:53

I would phone the police back and invoke Sarah's law.

AKeyFox · 22/05/2014 00:28

If this man is a convicted paedophile and on the sex offenders register, the police will act on the multiply witnessed incidents to which you refer.

If on the other hand it is gossip they will not.

MrsWombat · 22/05/2014 06:17

By the way, if 14 year olds, or 10 year olds are his "thing" it doesn't matter if the kids he talks to are much younger. Six year olds grow up to be 10. Six year olds can have older siblings/cousins/ neighbours who are 10. A 10 year old from your child's school walking home by themselves might think this old man with his dogs must be ok because you know him and talk to him all the time. It's how peodphiles work. They play the long game. (Not directly aimed at the OP)

You've had lots of good advice here about who to contact for clarification, and what to tell your children.

everlong · 22/05/2014 06:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

usualnamechanger · 22/05/2014 10:33

Thank you MrsWombat lots of naive people on this thread, some of them are opportunistic offenders, so they won't care how old are the children or will do as you said.

And in the case of someone 'loving' a 15 year old like that teacher who was on the news some time ago, I have always wondered, if they 'love' so much, why don't they wait 1 year, so it's all legal? ....

And I know what other parents here are saying about, well, it's very rare they will abduct or kill children... Maybe, but this doesn't mean damage has been done... I won't go more into this, but it shocks me how naive some people are.

StealthPolarBear · 23/05/2014 06:04

" Add message | Report | Message poster Wantsunshine Tue 20-May-14 21:52:24
Make sure your child know he does not have to be polite to him either. There are some adults you can ignore."

Brilliant advice! Yes we need to make sure our children know that instinct or discomfort overrules politeness.

On the Sara's law thing, I thought that only applied really if the op was moving in with the guy

AKeyFox · 23/05/2014 13:33

Have the police got back to you ?

I really hope they would move fairly fast on this kind of case.

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