He is a pedophile

[Friedbrain]

Firstly, I apologise about the heading, I just didn't know how to word it.

I found out today that someone the children and I talk to is a convicted pedophile.
A parent at the school told me today, I asked how she knew and she had told me someone told her, she Google it and it was right there in front of my eyes.
A news website with him in it.

He has lots of dogs right next to the school, all the children talk to him about the dogs, think nice grandad down the park type.

I have obviously always been there when the children have spoken to him, and conversation is always about the dogs.

The children know about stranger danger and we have spoken lots about the under wear rule and feeling uncomfortable around someone and not to keep secrets in a very open way.

But how can you stop children talking to people..

Especially when this man is someone we see most days and they already know all the dogs names and stop and stroke them.

I am not a silly person.
I know about child protection and relevant laws etc...
Please don't knit pick about the heading or the spelling or something similar.

This is just a thread about how I discourage the children from talking to him..

I don't want them anywhere near him and they are not old enough to know why

What would you do?

Police will be only too glad to know this is happening.

He may be breaching his licence conditions, so do let them know.

And this is why convicted paedophiles should not be put back into society. Ever.

There is no "curing" a paedophile. No amount of monitoring that is "within their human rights"will ever be sufficient.

On one hand knowledge about him makes you ahead of his "game" - if the children won't be wooshed past, make sure they only speak to the dogs. I would probably say to them not to speak to strangers, you've heard he's not a nice man (or something).

But what of other children, who maybe straggle behind and he asks them to help find "rover" in his garden etc? Familiarity lowers childrens' guard, and quite frankly it is quite easy for an adult to trick a child into believing various stories. How do these children get protected?

I would contact police and check he isn't breaching his parole conditions. Maybe a word from them might make him aware he's known to them etc. If police aren't interested (too long ago, not on parole), I would speak to the school protection person. His familiarity with the children could make them more vulnerable to be taken in by him... not sure exactly what the school can do, but an education program or a note to parents to remind them that children should not befriend strangers...

I would contact the police and confirm that it is him and that he is on the register (very dangerous and damaging to mistake an innocent person for an offender) and if it is him I would also contact the school. If he is on the register surely, he should not be within any distance of a school talking to children

Pedophiles shouldn't be let out. They never change. I do not give a shit about their human rights.

Nottalotta is right. It does sound odd, but not all paedophiles actually pose a direct risk to children.

This man will have undergone a complex risk assessment and will have limits on his activities and locations he can visit based on his individual risk profile. By all means, call 111 or your local Victim Services Unit, but the likelihood is he's allowed to be where he is, and in our current justice system he is allowed to live in the community.

Thankfully, not all paedophiles kidnap children off the street and abuse them.

Paedophiles waive their rights to a normal life the minute they lay their hands on children. Call the police and tell your children he is not a nice man. The police will do their work. Warn the school as well as they must have procesures to handle this type of situation. Do nothing beyond that, do not gossip or speak to parents yourself. There is a tiny chance he might not be the same man you saw on the website and you don't want to destroy someone's life because of a mistake. If he is, he must have been warned not to approach children, so his befriending kids through his dogs is indeed very suspicious.

Go into school and speak to "safeguarding designated officer" - it may not be the head or deputy
they should have a poster on parent noticeboard or a member of teaching staff will be able to tell you (might be a flow chart type thing)
speak only to the designated person - they can escalate - they will have direct phone number to safeguarding team

apologies if these terms aren't used in UK - these are NI terms

Right, she's said she's sure about five times now.

She's said she's sure by reference to a picture of him online. Every time the police publish a picture of a suspect, they get hundreds of calls from all over the country from people who are absolutely certain they have seen the person in question. That's why I asked whether she knew the man's name.

There have been some dreadful tragedies with people being hounded because they are mistakenly identified as paedophiles. That's why certainty is needed. Certainly, in case of doubt, contact the police, but that is all that you should do.

Definitely tell the police. Seems odd if he is convicted yet walking his dogs at EXACTLY the time school is going in or out also- if he wanted to be very careful he really has all day to walk his dogs. And yes, unfortunately it's a classic method of attracting kids..

If it is definitely him the the Police need to know.

If it isn't him but a similar man also called Fred Bloggs then the Police can reassure.

Either way - tell the Police.

There's a lot of naivety on this thread I think some people on MN are practically paedophile deniers and seem to be almost proud of it.

It happens.

OP is absolutely right to be asking what she should do.

fingers I agree with you. Fuck the shame the bloody pedophile feels. Call the police OP and ask for advice.

And yes, he is using the dogs to attract children, it is a well-known tactic. Children are less likely to 'fight' or 'tell' about sexual abuse when it comes from someone they 'know'. It makes me sick some people are pedophile apologists.

Has anyone said not to talk to the police?

I think when this issue comes up on MN a lot of people get all het up about how very rare it is for a child to be abducted and murdered by a paedophile - and yes, those cases are (thankfully) very rare. But it's like because that's unlikely they're blind to all the other possibilities in between.

Yes, children are more likely to be abused by people they know - but if this guy is there every day, he becomes someone they know. Sorry, but it sounds like classic grooming behaviour to me, and just because a child is unlikely to end up dead as a result of it doesn't me that something horrendous won't happen.

paedophile apologists? What the actual fuck do you mean by that??

There have been some dreadful tragedies with people being hounded because they are mistakenly identified as paedophiles.

But OP is not suggesting she hound him? she has asked us (MN) for advice. she has not gossiped, we should not assume that anyone who suspects somone is going to get them tarred and feathered?

Exactly fingers that's the point I was trying to make, he will become someone 'known' to the child. And yes, it is grooming.
Martorana I meant exactly what I said. I have encountered such people in real life too. Makes me sick.

I have had lots of jobs in our small town over the years, including in local pubs, and so I know nearly everyone in the town, including some unsavoury characters.

We talk about how people knowing my name/me knowing their's doesn't stop them from being a stranger.

It is difficult and I hate it when a stranger implies that if DS knows their name, they're not a stranger any more!

We're now moving onto the "if you're with me" - but even that, DS struggles to keep it to a friendly hello and not a full conversation.

We've spoken about April and I use that as an example that just because you see somebody and say Hello does not stop them being a stranger.

It's so hard because you're relying on them making decisions in a split second that can be SO dangerous.

"Martorana I meant exactly what I said. I have encountered such people in real life too. Makes me sick."

Would you care to say who on this thread fits that description?

Yes fingers cool your jets,there's not one person here apologising or sympathysing with paedophiles ffs.

Ahem, liberal, you're confusing me with usualnamechanger I haven't said anything of the like you're accusing me of.

How old are your children, OP?

If they are old enough to understand, it may be wise to explain the thing to them, in a way that they can comprehend. It doesn't have to be 'scary' - it can just be 'I would really like you not to pet those dogs, because the man who owns them is one of the people we have been talking about in our lessons about the underwear and touching rule. You can be polite, and you don't need to be scared of him, but don't talk to him and don't stop especially if you are by yourself'.

I grew up feeling utterly confused by this whole issue, because it was never explained. We were taught about 'stranger danger' but it was always done as if the primary threat was someone strange and new, probably clad in black leather from head to toe and wearing devil horns, who would offer us sweets and then kidnap us at the school gates. I had no idea until I was in my teens that the threat was sexual, or that it applied to people we might know in the community. As a result, my parents' reaction to someone they (rightly) suspected of being a paedophile and wanted to avoid made no sense to me, and I used to sneak off with my friends to his house because he had pretty birds that he let us play with and a massive display of Christmas lights every year. I 'knew' he wasn't dangerous, because he wasn't a stranger and never tried to offer me a sweet. Fortunately, nothing ever happened. I think if it had been explained more honestly without hysteria (I was old enough at 7 to understand about sex in quite a sensible way) my friends and I would have known enough to give him a wide berth.

Sezam-that's why'd the whole idea of stranger danger is daft. You need to concentrate on behaviour not "stranger-ness.

It's really important that children learn how to interact with other people- they can have lovely chats with people on busses and in supermarkets. The lesson you need to get across is that they can talk to anyone if they are with you or another trusted adult.

And then something like this. Most grown ups are lovely. But there are some that aren't. So if anyone asks you to go with with them or do anything with them- that is anyone at all say that you have to ask mummy first. That it's all right to say no. And any nice grown up will understand. If they don't understand and try to make you change your mind or get cross with you for saying no, that means they aren't a nice person. Oh and no nice grown up would ever ask a child for help. If anyone does, say you'll go and get mummy- she's be a much better helper.