To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

If I am babysitting a dc, I do not want or need phone calls all the time as it could wake dc or interfere with what I'm doing with the child at the time. I would always call the parents if any issues arose that I couldn't deal with. If the DPs can't handle this, I wouldn't babysit for them ever again. The basic trust would not be there.

You're being a bit mean really. I get that's it's irritating, but the woman is clearly anxious.

I'd take the fact that she leaves her child with you when she's so nervous about it as a sign that she has loads of trust in you.

How much would it really take away from your day to just pacify her by talking for a couple of minutes?

No its nota joke. Theres a thing called being nice and doing favours for family and friends. If the sil is very anxious she wont want to leave her child with a complete stranger babysitter.
People on here can be so harsh and selfish.
Yes, she could pay a babysitter. Yes, she could never goout again. Alternatively the op could show a little empathy.

Phone calls 4 hours apart are not excessive.

She only phoned twice. That's hardly 'repeatedly'.

You could have imagined how she may be feeling and reassured her.

But even though you acknowledge that she is anxious, rather than checking up on you, you chose to be callous and dismissive of her.

Not sure why you couldn't have picked up the phone and spent two minutes letting her know everyone was fine.

I hope they never leave their dc with you again and find someone nice instead.

Hecate got it right.
SIL is anxious about leaving her child but she still trusted you. It was nice of you to babysit but then you were horrible to her. I would be really hurt and angry.

Gosh 4 hours for a 3 year old isn't clucky.

Hell I text my lads every day to make sure they are alive and they are 23 and 22. I text my teen dds every lunch time to check they are ok too.

So shoot me.

This will sound dreadful but I suppose I could have called her back but a part of me thought it would be good for her to just trust me. I think they're not going to the bbq now which is typical of her, to create a fuss. I don't think it's nice that some of you are calling me a bitch by the way.

Yabu about not wanting her to call.

Yanbu to refuse to babysit again as you feel the sil is high strung.

I don't think you're a bitch :)

You might not think it's nice but ime the truth hurts!

YANBU - I have a 3 yo and have been asked by my DM not to call when she is looking after her as it is unsettling. I think that is fair enough and don't call.

You asked her not to call. I think that's fine and she should have respected your request. You were doing her a favour.

As for the ruined clothes. If DD has clothes that I really care about, then I don't leave her in someone else's care in them. If someone else looked after DD and some of her clothes were stained, then I would write that off as part of the cost of having some time without DD and would use the clothes for nursery.

I am really surprised by the overwhelming YABU - it isn't what I would have predicted.

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today

Mmm, yeah, that worked out well

I do think YABU, I'm afraid.

YAbothBU.

But more you than her. Much more.

You still do t get do you OP. Read Hecate's post, it's neither derogatory to you or your family.

I think people are calling you a bitch because you come across very uncaring towards your SIL and you write rather harshly of her. And you've just admitted you did call back because you were trying to teach her lesson.
I think you should be glad she isn't going to the BBQ. She us probably not going btw so no fuss is made!

Rarely have I seen such callousness and using a child in your care to make a point. I sincerely hope she doesn't let you have her dc again.

I'm really surprised at such very different points of view expressed in this post.

My word. You are ring very unpleasant. And apologising while calling someone "highly strung" is hardly making an effort to rebuild bridges.

When I babysit my niece, I always send a pic or two during the day. And I definitely don't mind if my sister calls me now and again. 3 is still very young. Ds is quite sensitive so when people babysit him I tend to drop a text or ask them to text me so that I don't worry too much. I don't think it's a big deal and no one had ever complained.

And to ignore someone's call for 4 hours is just downright cruel. She was probably worried sick. I think she did extremely well not to a) hound you every few minutes and b) scream at you when she picked her dd up. You probably ruined their day out because they were alternating between being worried about their dd and furious with your petty, selfish and cruel behaviour. Nice.

You immediately and erroneously assumed her first call was because she didn't trust you to look after her child properly.
All of your subsequent actions were based on you initially mis-reading her intentions. You felt you had been slighted and were then retaliatory.

Empathy is a quality worth cultivating.

then stop being one!!!!

Good grief, your poor SIL is feeling anxious about it all, and you do this to her? She must have been beside herself.

Dont' you get it? It's not about you, it's about how SHE feels about leaving her daughter.

She gets anxious, and she probably wouldn't be able to leave her with anybody else except someone she trusts to love her, and then you do this?????!!!!!

Get over yourself.

'She should have trusted me to get on with it'.
Not bloody likely anymore and with good reason!!!!

This will sound dreadful

Yes you're right it does sound dreadful, it is dreadful. Its cruel.