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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

508 replies

Mrssodapop · 19/05/2014 19:48

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today Wink I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

OP posts:
WanderingAway · 19/05/2014 20:44

YANBU

I babysat my dn the other day for 4 hours, not once did i get a phone call or text checking how dn was. This is because dn's parent are comfortable that i can look after their child properly and if there was a problem then i would phone them.

I wouldnt be looking after their child again OP.

FourForksAche · 19/05/2014 20:47

wandering, this is because you are trusted. there is a big difference.

enormouse · 19/05/2014 20:47

YABU, I still ring MIL when she looks after either DS. I trust her implicitly and she's wonderful with the boys but I still worry a tiny bit and like to hear that they've settled and are having fun etc.

ToriaPumpkin · 19/05/2014 20:48

My son is two and a half and my mum has been babysitting him for almost all of his life, starting with a couple of hours and leading up to four days when I was recently in hospital having his sister. She currently has him one full day a week, as do my in laws. I still text at least once a day to ask how they're getting on. YABU.

Backtobedlam · 19/05/2014 20:48

YABU-it doesn't mean she doesn't trust you it's natural to feel anxious when children are so little. When I'm babysitting for my sister id rather she rang 100 times but could relax and enjoy her day, than didn't ring and sat there feeling anxious. If I'm in the middle of something I just send a quick text saying 'bit busy at the moment, all ok, is it anything urgent?' which is usually enough to put her mind at rest. Maybe try texting next time?

ThisFenceIsComfy · 19/05/2014 20:48

I don't see how it inconveniencing you to answer the phone to her, poor woman. Even if you can't answer the phone, the very least you could do is send a quick text saying all is ok.

YABU

neversleepagain · 19/05/2014 20:49

I wouldn't let you babysit my children if you didn't answer the phone. YABU.

SaucyJack · 19/05/2014 20:49

I think your SIL needs to remember who's doing who the favour.

If she doesn't like your babysitting terms re: answering the phone, then she's perfectly entitled to pay somebody else to do it.

Original poster
Mrssodapop · 19/05/2014 20:50

I think she was phoning because she doesn't trust me and I find that insulting although my brothers says that's not the problem, he says they did trust me. I suppose I feel like their child is like one of my own cos they're so close in age and I still think she should just leave me to get on with it. When she left in the morning she spent so long saying goodbye I had to hurry things along because we were on our way out. I think she's over anxious and irritating but have to make peace with her for sake of my brother.

OP posts:
HarlotOTara · 19/05/2014 20:51

Well it wouldn't bother me, people get anxious leaving their dc - reassuring them costs nothing but not answering the phone to someone who is evidentially anxious means they may imagine all sorts and is cruel. OP you said she is anxious so just making that worse isn't kind. It certainly isn't personal towards you otherwise your dh and dsil wouldn't ask you to babysit.

Cutiecat · 19/05/2014 20:52

YABU. You should not have purposefully ignored that call. If I was looking after someone else's child I would be more than happy to let them know how it is going through the day.

Writerwannabe83 · 19/05/2014 20:53

YABVVVVVVVVU.

Canthisonebeused · 19/05/2014 20:55

Very unreasonable my dd is 8, I'm far from anxious and I often call if family are looking after her, just to see how they are all doing. I don't if she's at childminder though.

HecatePropylaea · 19/05/2014 20:55

Her anxiety is not a criticism of you. In fact, if she is this anxious and still has you babysit, it means she trusts you very much. For someone to be anxious and still trust you? Thats not a criticism, it's a compliment.
it would be kind to take a few minutes and say yes, the child is fine.
It cant be nice for her to live with anxiety. Instead of being irritated, could you see it as something to be sympathetic and supportive about?

PrincessBabyCat · 19/05/2014 20:57

I left my 6 week old DD with parents over the weekend so me and DH could have a holiday. I didn't have to call, they texted me every now and then with pics and updates to let us know she was in good hands. If they didn't, I'd be texting them to check up.

If I were in that boat, I may not answer the phone, but I'd send text pics to let them know all is well. Does she spend a long time on the phone? I can see the annoyance if she started running over the schedule with you or asking stupid questions like what was for lunch and then fretting over that for a few minutes. She obviously wasn't that worried if she didn't come home right away to check up.

Can you guys compromise with texts?

(and.. did she specify that DD is suppose to be in overalls when she paints? If not, she's being a bit unreasonable. Most paint can come out in the wash anyway)

Lottiedoubtie · 19/05/2014 21:00

It's lovely that you feel that way about the child. But the fact is she isn't one of yours, and her mother has the right to feel anxious when they are apart. Try empathy rather than leaping on the defensive.

CrapBag · 19/05/2014 21:03

I'm still waiting for you to come and say its a reverse. No way are you for real.

So you know she is anxious but its a huge inconvenience so you hurry along her goodbye to her DD (note HER dd,, not one of yours), you refuse to return her call to prove a point no doubt? You also don't cover her clothes when painting. I'm sure you are one of these oh so fabulous parents who is chilled and doesn't mind a bit of dirt and doesn't feel the need to check her child, but guess what, your SIL isn't and you should respect that when looking after HER child.

You sound like a bitch and I wouldn't be letting you have my child again anyway.

CinnabarRed · 19/05/2014 21:07

What an unpleasant you just displayed. YABU.

CinnabarRed · 19/05/2014 21:07

Attitude

slithytove · 19/05/2014 21:08

Haha I love all the posts of "let OP have the child" because that's such a treat!

OP did a favour and if SIL doesn't like the conditions, she doesn't need to use her to babysit again.

How many threads do we read with DILs having an issue with their MILs giving chocolate or whatever, and it's usually unanimous that free childcare means you relinquish control. Same in this case. Child wasn't in danger.

If OP isn't trusted to contact them if needed, then they know they can pay for a babysitter and dictate all rules.

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 19/05/2014 21:09

How bloody dare you. YABU, with bells on. She's not yours. She's theirs. And I like the way you make this about your SIL-it's not. Your brother is pissed off with you too- when your SIL calls, it's on his behalf too you know - they are THE PARENTS checking on their child. So don't flatter yourself that it's your SIL's attitude that's at fault here. It's normal to call and check, most people would. And you not returning the call for 4 hours? You deserve a roasting. I doubt they'll want their uppity jealous little relative babysitting again though so you won't e having this problem again.

slithytove · 19/05/2014 21:09

And I would bet that those clothes aren't ruined. SIL just sounds highly strung.

Pleasejustgo · 19/05/2014 21:09

Wow OP, massively petty and extremely unreasonable. This is a mother concerned about her child, for whatever reason and you've no right to decide if she can or can't check in. I feel sorry for the SIL.

WaitMonkey · 19/05/2014 21:09

I'm very glad you're not my SIL. YABU.

wheresthelight · 19/05/2014 21:10

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