To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

This will sound dreadful but I suppose I could have called her back but a part of me thought it would be good for her to just trust me

No, that is dreadful.

Bloody hell , YABU.

I'm quite happy to put peoples minds at rest when I babysit.

It only takes a few minutes to answer a call.

"I thought it would be good for her just to trust me"?!?! Seriously? This is a grown woman and a member of your family and you are trying to teach her a lesson? Train her like a dog?

There must be history here. I cannot believe someone would just be this horrible without some kind of history of being treated badly by sil. Just a guess but you didn't want your brother to marry her did you?

I look after my DGC often.My DD trusts me completely.

But she will ring or text to see if they are ok,because she is quite anxious.

Refusing to answer her calls to teach her a lesson would be bloody cruel.

I find it weird that you accuse her of making a fuss, when you are so blatantly making such a big deal out of a relatively tiny thing.

She just wanted to talk to you for some reassurance because she's anxious about leaving her child. It was a minor irritation and a chance for you to show a little kindness. You chose to make a fuss about what would have taken you a couple of minutes.

As far as I can see you are the only party being insulting - "highly strung" for wanting to check on her own 3 year old?

I wouldn't be offended if the parent of a child I was caring for called me to check on them. Don't you think that it's a little bit narcissistic to assume that her call was anything to do with you? Is it so difficult to imagine that it could have actually been about, you know, her child?

All this "it's a favor, it's on your own terms" stuff is a load of old rubbish. If you care for somebody's child, it must always be on the parent's terms, favor or not. I mean imagine:

"I think I'll get my mates daughter's ears pierced on Sunday"
"Oh really, did your friend ask you to"
"No, but it's alright, she isn't paying me to babysit, I'm doing it as a favour"
"Well that's okay then, do what you like, she can't expect it to be on her terms if you're doing it for free"

Yeah right.

I imagine they aren't going to the BBQ because you've really upset them and made them angry -Not to make a fuss. Something like this could cause a huge family rift and you're continued nastiness about your SIL is only going to make it worse.

How often was she calling when you've babysat before OP?

you can't see how unkind that was? She has anxiety issues, she called you twice 4 hours apart, that's nothing.

You probably caused her inordinate amounts of distress with your behaviour to her. I'm not surprised they don't want to see you at the BBQ. I expect your SIL knows you don't like her but this has made your DB see you clearly now too.

You come across as a very cold, unfeeling person on this thread

You get worse with each post, I'd stop bothering. In fact I'm starting to doubt it. I can't see how anyone thinks its OK to act like this and attempts to justifies it but makes themselves sound even worse.

Obviously you don't like your SIL. You're doing them a favour by not babysitting again. I'm sure your brother has got the measure of you.

Yabu! How can you tell a parent they cannot ring to see how their child is! My dmum has my ds about once a month for the weekend, and I trust her completely with him, however I still ring 2 or 3 times a day to check how he is and if they dont answer, dmum always rings back!
What is the issue with her ringing, you answering and just saying 'yep, everything's fine, im gunna have to go though cause we are painting/doing lunch/at park etc'?

I think when someone is anxious and highly strung as you suggest your SIL is, they need a lot of support and understanding. This applies particularly to the parents of young children, perhaps particularly with their firstborn.

You should have answered her calls, or at the very least got back to her within a few minutes of the missed call.

I rarely left mine at that age because we don't live near family, but on the odd occasion I did have to leave them with a friend I usually called at least once to make sure they were OK (and that friend was OK too ).

I wouldn't want her to look after my child again if I was the SIL.

Anyone who refused to answer my call because they wanted to teach me a lesson can bog off.

"which is typical of her, to create a fuss. "

That's hilarious.

All you had to do was answer the bloody phone & tell her that everything was OK!

So now you're also blaming her for not going to the BBQ?

You ooze empathy op. You clearly didn't answer the phone out of spite. You thought you knew better and now they're reacting how most parents would, yet it's her fault.

YABU and yes, you're sounding like a bitch on this thread.

I think you were unreasonable. If you look after your DN again I suggest you agree how/when you will communicate with her mother. I haven't read the whole thread but I am assuming you are not a mother yourself otherwise I think you would be more understanding and tolerant of the situation.

You need to count your blessings op.

Being quite anxious about your children and life in general can he very difficult to cope with.

My family understand my fears that way and my kids reassure me by answering my texts. I imagine I am a pain but thankfully they don't feel like teaching sad old mom
A lesson and ignoring me.

They are kind and decent human beings.

I hope your sil is ok and manages to enjoy the BBQ despite the situation.

Yabvu. So what if she needed a little more reassurance, or wanted to see how things are, it doesn't necessarily mean she doesn't trust you, she's just anxious at leaving her child.

And as for purposefully not answering her call and not phoning back, there was no need for that at all. You need to apologies.

You need to count your blessings op.

Being quite anxious about your children and life in general can he very difficult to cope with.

My family understand my fears that way and my kids reassure me by answering my texts. I imagine I am a pain but thankfully they don't feel like teaching sad old mom
A lesson and ignoring me.

They are kind and decent human beings.

I hope your sil is ok and manages to enjoy the BBQ despite the situation.

Oops!!'

Equally baffled by the response you're getting, OP.

I wouldn't be so quick to do her a favour in future given the disruption it appears to cause to family events.

Reading the responses it would appear that you kidnapped her child and taunted her instead of just being a lovely aunt babysitting for a day.