To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

I predict a unanimous YABU. If you're anxious about leaving your child, you need to know you can phone up about them whenever you like, or you spend your time away stewing. When my ILs baby sit my DS, they send texts and photos on an almost hourly basis. I'm not the anxious type, I don't expect it and I don't ask for it but it is lovely and reassuring, so I think I'd do the same if I was looking after someone else's DC, just in case.

I don't think two phone calls with a child that age, for a whole day is an awful lot.

YANBU. They've asked you to babysit, it's OK to be anxious when leaving your DC with someone but phoning up 3 times in one day does start to imply they don't trust you - which when you are essentially doing them a favour is rude.

I think yabu. If I feel I can't ring up to find out how my child is doing, then you won't be looking after my child again.
I agree about the painting. Children should be properly dressed/covered for messy play, painting etc

I always call to see how my Dts are, especially if they are upset when I leave.

It's no reflection of the person looking after them, it's just to check they have settled and are happy so I can enjoy myself with out wondering if they're ok.

You were completely unfair and unreasonable in every way. Imagine not answering her call.

YABU! So rude.

YABU and unfeeling.

It has taken me years to stop phoning my in-laws more than once a day when they have them though I usually text in the morning as I figure they are looking after my children and don't want to disturb their fun by calling. The kids are 8 and above so I am less helicoptery.

YABU. And I doubt you were too busy to return a call for 4 hours. More likely deliberately trying to show her who's boss and pretty spiteful since she had already been upset and told you she was anxious.

My 3 year old started nursery in January and the nursery regularly say to me to phone if I want to check he is happy. I have never done it but with a SIL I'm sure I would phone just to check. I would probably be a bit put out about the clothes but not say anything. If I sent my child out in obviously quite new/ nice clothes, not realising they would be painting, I think would expect some care to be taken of them.

YABU and telling her that she can't ring to check on her DC makes you even more so knowing how anxious she was! No matter who was looking after her I dare say your SIL would have called to check. She wasn't casting aspersions on your child minding skills.
I little empathy goes a long way OP

YABU - I call DH when he has children on his own because I want to know they're ok.

He's a SAHD!

YABU.

Your poor sil.

I don't know why you are getting so many YABU. I get that SIL is anxious (perhaps should be leaving her child for shorter periods to start with?) but ringing multiple times is really unnecessary. It's also pointless - I mean if her child had had a serious accident you would (presumably) have let her know, so all you are going to say is "they are fine".

YABCompletelyU.

You treat someone like a child when you have their child in your care, their are going to be furious. As for not returning a call for 4 hours because you were "busy", utter tosh. You didn't call back because you were being spiteful and I should think you were trying to teach her a lesson.

If I were to look after any of my nieces or nephews knowing their mums were anxious or worried (whether or not if it was rational) I would encourage calling and I'd be keeping them updated without prompting to actually help them. You're mean.

I regularly phone my mum when she has my kids - I'm not checking up on her, I trust her implicitly, but they are my babies and I like hearing what they're up to. Besides I like to make sure they're behaving and not bring too much bother!

Don't most childrens paints wash out these days ?

As far as the babysitting imo if she is that anxious about leaving her with you then she shouldn't. If you are doing it as a favour then you are entitled to your opinion and to do the favour on your terms. Maybe you should've had a 'No news is good news' arrangement with her where you reassured her that you would contact her immediately if any concerns or incidences , but surely that is normal anyway for most people? If you are being paid then there has to be an element of the 'customer' is always right , I'm afraid and you should suck it up to a degree.
My step DIL once asked me to babysit whilst she went on a seminar and she was stuck for childcare. She left me written instructions as long as your arm even though I knew the child well and he knew me well. She also phoned and text several times with ground breaking ideas on child safety such as 'Make sure he doesn't run out on the road when you open the door'. I am a mother of two and grandmother of five.
Never again !

Just because someone is calling often and they're feeling anxious it shouldn't be taken that they are judging you as crap childcare. They are just feeling anxious and need to hear that all is well for their piece of mind. If they are that worried and they have actually left the child then surely they should be applauded for not passing their own worries onto the child?!

redsky, it may be pointless but a parent has to feel secure in the care their child is getting. a quick phone call every few hours is not too much.

op is destroyingcthe parent's trust with her silly and vindictive mind games, shame on her, totally unreasonable.

if someone treated me that way I'd make other arrangements.

Phoning to check her dd was settled was reasonable. You mentioned she phoned again later but you didn't answer and then she didn't phone again for 4 hours - is that right?

Based on that your sil sounds perfectly reasonable, it's not like she called you repeatedly when you didn't pick up like I would have

I have 4 dc's, I still get palpitations when I have to leave the youngest (2). I don't leave instructions and I'm
not totally neurotic but I would call to check everything was going ok, it just reassures me to know they're not upset, are eating ok and generally having a nice time.

Yabvvu

YAB majorly unreasonable. My baby is due any time now, and I can't imagine leaving her with someone and not wanting to call and see how she's doing... Refusing to answer the phone is not going to help - with time, your SIL may come to relax about leaving her daughter, but with the way you're going on, she's only going to think you've got something to hide.