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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

508 replies

Mrssodapop · 19/05/2014 19:48

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today Wink I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

OP posts:
DizzyKipper · 20/05/2014 18:11

Nope, my female inlaws are still worse Wink

Chippednailvarnish · 20/05/2014 18:13

God help you dizzy

I also noticed another thread moaning about her DH...

BrunoBrookesDinedAlone · 20/05/2014 18:19

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

IloveJudgeJudy · 20/05/2014 18:26

I have not read the whole thread. I think YANBU. Whenever people looked after my DC I did not ring them, ever. If I hadn't trusted them completely, they wouldn't have been looking after the DC.

I looked after my nephew a few times and SIL would not leave it. She kept ringing. I got irritated - a bit like you. Either you trust the person or you don't. If you don't, then don't ask them to look after your DC.

Coldlightofday · 20/05/2014 18:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/05/2014 18:32

puntasticusername Tue 20-May-14 17:39:52
Guys. GUYS. Taking orders over here for the Team SIL t shirts. Who wants?

Classy. Very, very classy. Hmm

When I read the OP, I wondered if she had issues herself. From the subsequent posts, it's more than likely. That's quite pathetic and you sound as mean and spiteful as you accuse the OP of being. You're heckling and ganging up on somebody, accusing them of trolling, stirring it up rather than letting the thread die. What do you get out of it exactly?

Itsfab · 20/05/2014 18:36

Oh my God

Bad enough that you told your brother his wife was highly strung but to use the fact she was in care as a stick to beat her with is unforgivable.

FunnyFoot · 20/05/2014 18:43

Why should the thread be deleted Groove?

puntasticusername · 20/05/2014 18:45

LyingWitch

Argh. You're quite right. Damn you Wink

OP, I'm sorry, I guess I got a bit carried away with my own completely incredible of course sense of humour there. If you're still reading, I hope you're OK and that you've managed to take something useful from this thread. You've had a rough ride and I think you see why, but there is also some good help and support here for you, if you choose to take it Thanks

FunnyFoot · 20/05/2014 18:46

Tbh Lying I think this thread has gone exactly the way the OP wanted it. I don't want to say goady but if the shoe duck foot fits then so be it.

Pimpf · 20/05/2014 18:50

OMG op, this is all about you.

So what that you're older and have kids. So what that she's more anxious than you.

You really need to get over yourself. I feel very sorry for your sil and brother.

firesidechat · 20/05/2014 18:51

Every time the OP posts it's to add more fuel to the fire. Hmmm.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 20/05/2014 19:02

Puntastic... only the 'classy' bit was for you. I am probably not right at all but I just don't want to push somebody around who seems to be lining herself up for other people to do that. It's odd. You are a gracious lady though and that, that is classy.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/05/2014 19:03

Of course YAbu.
I think your DSisIL sounds perfectly rational and your pettiness on this matter has gone a bridge a little too far.

thebodylovesspring · 20/05/2014 19:06

I actually think the whole nub if this is that you and your sil are like the north and South Pole.

She finds you irritatingly self confident and you find her irritatingly sensitive and anxious.

Best you both just smile and nod smile and nod!

kali110 · 20/05/2014 19:13

No op it is not the sil that is the toxic one.
Your brother isn't being a pushover he's protecting his family.
Your last posts have just been horrible.
Everything is all about you, everything is on your terms.
Im glad sil and brother have stood up for themselves, good for them they are not the unreasonable ones here.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/05/2014 19:42

Your posts make for such uncomfortable reading mrssodapop
Anyone can be petty at times, none of us is perfect.
But I find it hard to believe you can read back your comments and not see that the way you've behaved is spiteful and manipulative.
You might mistakenly believe that you are motivated by love for your nephew but you are bullying this woman IMHO.

Oldraver · 20/05/2014 19:49

You were mean and spiteful and set out to teach her a lesson by not answering the phone.

Your SIL isnt neurotic to want to know how how OWN child is when leaving her for a few hours. I suspect she probably worries more than she should not because of her past but as she knows she is leaving her precious child with a know it all witch of a SIL

Aeroflotgirl · 20/05/2014 19:56

Yabvvvvu. They should be able to call at times to check on their child. It dies not mean she does not trust you, she obviously does for you to babysit, but is obviously anxious. The way to overcome this is to answer her calls and reasure her. In time I am sure her anxiety will decrease, asking her not to call is not on, if you feel like that, don't babysit!

Icimoi · 20/05/2014 21:01

Ici there were phone boxes. Or carrier pigeons.

Not in theatres and restaurants.

Icimoi · 20/05/2014 21:08

ici may be one of those neurotic mothers and I am 50 so quite well remember the days before mobiles too.

Err we did have those things called land lines though.

And tell me, if you went to a restaurant, did you routinely demand the use of their phones to check on your babysitter? If you went to the theatre or cinema, did you go out and search out a phone box for that call? If you went to a conference, were there queues of anxious parents waiting for the payphones?

CrohnicallyHungry · 20/05/2014 21:11

Presumably if people were that anxious they just didn't leave their DC. I was probably at school before anyone other than my parents looked after me. Whereas now people might leave their DC earlier because they know they can phone and check on them.

Time2beme · 20/05/2014 21:24

Your Sil was at a hospital appt and phoned a couple of times to check her daughter was OK. She didn't do what you told her when her daughter was born or leave her small baby with you. And you think she's being unreasonable.

YABU, only good thing to come out of this is that your brother know know for certain how horrible you are.

I texted the person who was looking after my 14 year old whilst I was in hospital having my baby, not because I didn't trust her but because I wanted to check that everything was OK. She msged me back at a convenient time about 20 mins later. She is older than me, has more children than I do, and doesn't expect me to leave my baby with her though would no doubt help me out if I needed it. We haven't left our lo with anyone just me or her dad, we don't need to. When she's old enough to ask to be left and want to then she will be. Itsno reflection on anyone else oonly how we decided to parent.

Its OK to be different, its not OK to punish your sil for wanting to know how her child was because you see your niece as your child.

FunnyFoot · 20/05/2014 21:27

Ici
50 years ago parents were not under as much pressure as they are now. Shit most kids were left to their own devices from age 5 upwards or looked after by multiple siblings.
As much as I luffs MN it does at times make me a paranoid parent. I am not doing enough for my child's emotional/educational development, diet, stimulation, providing for them, giving them a balanced home life, showing them mummy cares so they don't turn in to a serial killer!

These are first world problems.

The mobile phone didn't exists back then but the pressure on parents didn't either. The two go hand in hand for me.
Your argument is invalid. Jog on.

TheRealAmandaClarke · 20/05/2014 21:29

ici prior to the presence of mobile phones people didn't make so many calls when they weren't at home.
Now people make lots of calls.

That doesn't make it neurotic or fussy of the DSisIL to phone to ask about her child.

My dh sometimes calls to ask how the kids are. It has nothing to do with not trusting me Hmm or being neurotic and everything to do with thinking about them.
And having a bloody mobile phone.