To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

Thanks for the winch Atbeckandcall By jove! I needed that.

I'm just going to have a nice cup of tea. It's supposed to be good for shock.

If this is actually true, I honestly think you need to seek professional help OP

I suffer from anxiety. Admittedly this could colour my response. But faced with this situation, if I was your sil, I would think: how dare you presume to know what is good for me or my child. Whether you want to babysit again is immaterial. I doubt you will have the opportunity.

So sil wanted to arrange her own wedding without Ops help.

And Ops response to that was to ignore her brother & sil on their wedding day.

OP you sound ridiculous.

It really is your way or no way, isn't it?

Is this a wind up?

Are there really such unaware adults in existance?

SIL spent time in a childrens home when she was little and I think that's made her neurotic about her dd

Or she's perfectly reasonable but has had the misfortune to marry someone with a deranged sister..

Now they're saying they'll come to the bbq but my mum told me my brother said they want nothing more to do with me really because they think I "played mind games" with them through their child.

Gee, I wonder why they would think that.

In any case, if 16 pages of people telling you you're ridiculous hasn't softened your stance any, nothing is going to.

Just don't act like you're some victim to SIL when you DB doesn't want to talk to you anymore. You did this to yourself.

This can't possibly real, can it? Nobody can be this.... this.....
actually, words defy me here.

"SIL spent time in a childrens home when she was little and I think that's made her neurotic about her dd"

That must be one of the nastiest things I have ever read on here.

Its got all the hallmarks. The lack of engagement, the drip and buildups.

Yes diddl, utterly revolting.

Hmm, from you last post I'm beginning to wonder if you're actually a troll who's come here to have some fun.

It's a very bizarre way to troll if she is one. Normally if someone was doing it for laughs it would be a bit more blatant. Like picking a stepmother to complain about her DD or a grabby bride complaining about not getting cash gifts.

This just seems so... off...

I think it's fine for a mum to ring and see how her child is.

I'm not a troll, this has been horrible and upsetting for me and I've tried not to react to some of the horrible things said about me on this thread. That's my way of loving people, to give advice and help and that's what's got me into trouble with SIL. My brother has always been weak minded so she can push him into anything she likes. I did like SIL and always tried to be aware of her problems but think she is toxic in my family, not me. I am going to stop posting on here because I think it's turning into an unhelpful experience for me. Thank you to everyone who posted supportive messages. I expect I will just grovel to sil to keep the peace.

Weak minded = good husband.

Be careful Op, you might reap what you sow.

Op do you have any respect for anyone at all?

Don't grovel to keep the peace, grovel because you are wrong!

So despite the overwealming YABU response, you still think YANBU, your SIL is the problem and the only replies you appreciate are the ones agreeing with you.

Your 'love' is all on your terms though, can't you see that?

If you TRULY wanted to help someone, you give them the help THEY want, not the help YOU want to give.

Unless and until you are able to do that, you are right, you are best off backing away.