To think SIL shouldn't phone me when I babysit for her

[Mrssodapop]

I hope I have better luck on AIBU today I will try to tell the full story from the start. I have babysat sometimes for my brother, looking after his 3 year old dd which has always been fine except I think his wife is very anxious because she always calls while I'm looking after her daughter. Yesterday I looked after their dd all day and she called about half an hour after leaving her to see if she had settled. I told her she was fine and asked her not to phone again because everything was fine and I wanted to get on with the day with all the kids together (I've got 2). She got upset and asked why she couldn't phone and said she might want to call later in the day to let us know when she's on her way back. I said ok but was irritated by her checking up on me although she said she wasn't checking up on me but that she wanted to feel she could call to see how her dd was. Anyway, she phoned after lunch and I didn't pick up and was busy so didn't call back. I picked up her call when she was on her way back (about 4 hours later) but she was very uppity and was upset that I hadn't returned her call. Today my brother phones furious that I told her I didn't want her to keep on phoning me. In the end I've said I don't want to babysit for them again and now they're really hurt. They're also cross that I didn't put their dd in overalls when she painted and they said her clothes are ruined. There's a big family bbq coming up and I'm dreading it now.

Oh that last post is classic.

Giving help & advice as a way of showing you love people.

How about being caring, kind & respecting them?

So your SIL is a neurotic mess and your Brother is weak minded? How do you describe people you don't like!?

That's my way of loving people, to give advice and help and that's what's got me into trouble with SIL.

My way of showing affection is being touchy feely and giving gifts. I am self aware enough to understand that if I started playing with my SIL's hair and buying her random expensive gifts that I'd be coming on too strong. I certainly wouldn't be giving strings attached gifts and then complaining that she didn't appreciate it.

It's not that you're trying to be helpful, it's that you are blatantly disregarding people when you do. That's not helping, that's being overbearing.

In any case, if you are serious, I'd go see a counselor (and maybe show him this thread). I know people with social development disorders that have more self awareness than you do right now.

I'm thinking the same as Dizzy after that last post. Surely??

OP, the people on this forum are getting all their information from you. There is no other source. It is from your own words that they have come to conclusions such as you are toxic/controlling/have no self-awareness etc. etc. You really are the relative from hell and we know that from what you have told us about your behavior. It's not as if we have been swayed by your SIL giving her side is it?

I don't know, I think perhaps some people are just extremely good at trolling - possibly because they don't go the usual route so it's more difficult to detect.

OP, you perhaps might not be a troll. You might be a genuine. I'm sorry if you are, I very rarely accuse some one of trolling but you really don't seem to understand how outlandish some of the things you've said have been. You really don't seem to have self awareness of how things you've said or done have contributed to issues in your relationship with your SIL. You keep blaming it all on her, you don't seem willing to consider even slightly that you might be at fault. But I have to say, blanking some one on their wedding day (particularly if one of those people is your own brother!) because they didn't want your help with organising their wedding is NOT normal. Having your relationship further harmed with some one because they won't let you take their young baby away before they're ready for it is also not normal. However much a part SIL has played in the dysfunction of your relationship, and she certainly may have, it really isn't as 1 sided as you believe it is. You've played your part. Understanding that would be a good first step.

You think your SIL is toxic. A lot of the people on this thread have that impression of you. As hurtful as that might be - and if you're genuine and the sort of person you say you are then I can well imagine it will be - it's really important for you to sit down and genuinely ask yourself why you are coming across that way to the majority of people on this thread. People have already explained some bits of your posts that have been off, again I know this may be tough and hurt, but go back over what they've said. Really think about it. I have an idea that the way people perceive you here is probably how your SIL has perceived you, and perhaps cause for the friction in your relationship.

Oh this just keeps getting better!!

Your have been told almost unanimously that you have been completely out of order, disrespectful and totally in the wrong and yet you don't have enough self awareness to accept that you are even a little bit in the wrong.

I agree you need counselling Op because this levels narcissism is definitely a red flag for me!

Except in the highly unlikely event she saw a counsellor she'd be telling them they're doing it wrong. Like the Harry Enfield character:- "You don't want to do it like that! You want to do it like this!"

I just cant believe how you added to that poor womans anxiety when she had a hospital appointment by not letting her get through to you. Her mind must have been racing "why is she not picking up? Are any of the children hurt? What if.... What if.... etc"

Now they're saying they'll come to the bbq but my mum told me my brother said they want nothing more to do with me really because they think I "played mind games" with them through their child. See, told you she's hysterical.

I disagree, it seems a perfectly reasonable response to what YOU have done.

I really hate it when people start chucking about terms like "hysterical" and "anxious". It seems a great way of dismissing someone's rights and opinions.

Mrssodapop save yourself a lot of hassle and just apologise to them, you are in the wrong, even though you claim your intentions were good though I highly doubt that

Exactly, it's a power trip to her. That's not showing love.

Sorry, that was to QuintessentiallyQS

God it's all "me me me" from you! YOU did this so I don't think anyone really cares how upset you feel because people have called you up on your disgusting behaviour. I'm not surprised your brother is weak minded having you as a sister. It sounds to me like the best thing he and his wife could do is cut you out of their life's and let you keep playing 'worlds most perfect person' by yourself.

Guys. GUYS. Taking orders over here for the Team SIL t shirts. Who wants?

YABU

I'll have a team sil shirt and a "praying op doesn't have sons" one to.

OP it would probably be a good idea for this whole thread to be deleted!

I think your brother is just reacting to your toxic behaviour and not because his wife is neurotic. Don't you have any empathy as to why she may be more over protective towards her child from her own experiences?

Wow, OP, you are just charming, aren't you?

I've often wanted to hear from the 'Other Side'.

Well, now I have.

Wow.

Let this be a lesson to those of us who struggle with our female in laws. They may be bad, but they're not that bad!

I have just read this epic thread and twigged that I posted on another of your threads earlier here. It has made me chuckle that you think the woman at your work is rude and annoying for giving you unwanted help but you are annoyed with your sil for not acting on your unsolicited advice !!