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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask our nanny to eat more healthily ...

176 replies

2littleduckies · 18/05/2014 20:32

Or even just cut out the junk food whilst she is at work?

Not long after she first started we asked her to stop feeding the DCs take away for lunch regularly and to ensure they ate at least some fruit and veg each day. This has happened more or less. She still relies on more processed food than I would like, but she is not that confident with cooking so cooking from scratch every meal is not an option.

The main issue is that she obviously doesn't eat any fruit or veg herself, drinks fizzy drinks, bags of haribo and other sweets, pasties and other 'junk food' most days at work. I would prefer she and the DCs ate the same food. I don't think it is helpful that as an example they have homemade sandwiches and she eats two happy meals - this happened when they last went for a picnic. As a side issue we also pay for her food whilst she is working, but this is primarily as she eats with them to model good table manners and eating habits. Paying for the bags of sweets and unhealthy top ups grates.

Is it unreasonable to say we will only pay for her food if it is healthy (ish) and we don't want her bringing 'junk food' into work/our house every day? I'd also like them to see her eating veg with her meals, as the DCs now say they don't like this and that, but realise that might be a step too far.

OP posts:
Echocave · 19/05/2014 19:37

YANBU but worth a chat before you make a big deal of it as you sound happy with her in other ways. Agree with Ebb that most (if not all) the current and former nannies on the thread find this behaviour unacceptable. I think as a minimum that she should be told not to eat junk in front of the children because they will want to eat it too (and ensuring the children eat healthily is probably in the job description for most nanny jobs.

I've had to cut right back on junk since dc old enough to spot what we're eating.
I have a nanny and she can either eat what is in the fridge or buy whatever she likes out of the kitty money - it's perfectly normal for employers to pay for their nanny's food. However, to me, this is a bit like having a nanny who smoked (not quite as bad but similar) and if she didn't stop after a polite request (which you might want to document), I'd be considering her suitability for the job.

VIPissArtist · 19/05/2014 20:36

I would be horrified if this was my nanny.

I am against MacDonald and we do have it, but once a year or twice a year..we don't eat it, nor any other crap like KFC.

I would be mortified if our nanny was sat there stuffing her face full of it...introducing this horrid place into our lives when I don't want it to be. No thanks. And I would not be paying for this dubious pleasure either!

I would rather have a nanny whose general views and outlook was sort of in line with mine on these simpler issues such as fast food and more importantly the effect on the children..

Trillions · 19/05/2014 22:33

YANBU but it is awkward. Can you just say that there is no more money for eating out and instead stock your kitchen with healthy food she can use to make packed lunches/snacks?

McPhee · 19/05/2014 22:40

I was a nanny for nearly 15 years, and always cooked from scratch and ate with the children. I'm struggling to understand why someone wouldn't tbh. I thought that was normal practice Confused

Shewhowines · 19/05/2014 22:42

I think being direct is better than making excuses about money/kitty etc.

The kids might seem to be unaffected now but they certainly won't be when they are a bit older.

Jollyphonics · 19/05/2014 23:05

YANBU. I don't understand the people who say its her business and she can eat what she likes when she's looking after your children, in your house, and her time is being paid for by you. How would they feel if she swore all day - "I hate this fucking TV programme, oh fuck it's raining again, watch out you cunt" - after all, it's her voice, who are you to dictate what she says?!

Of course the reality is that if you're in a situation where people are looking to you to be a good influence, then you have to try and be one. I'm a GP. It's my right to smoke and drink (I don't but I could!) but I would think it was totally inappropriate to have a packet of fags and a bottle of vodka on my desk at work, even if I didn't touch them until the end of surgery.

When I had a nanny I paid for her food, but I just added stuff she liked to my weekly shop. She liked quiche, chicken pie etc, but the kids didn't, so I bought it for her. So she ate different food from them at times, but it wasn't takeaways and junk. I didn't give her a kitty. obviously if they went out she either made a packed lunch or they ate in a cafe and she invoiced me, but that was just now and then.

parentalunit · 19/05/2014 23:09

It would be unreasonable to dictate her eating habits.

Having said that, it seems that your parenting style doesn't fit with the way she is helping to raise your children.

Therefore I think you have two choices: accept that your children will be exposed to poor eating habits and unhealthy meals; or find a new nanny who is more compatible with your parenting philosophy.

FunnyFoot · 19/05/2014 23:14

Did you not find out if she could cook the kinds of food you wanted before you employed her?

I don't think it would be UR for you to state what foods you want you dc's to eat and what you don't. I also don't think it's U to state that you expect her to set a good example for Dc's at meals times and by stuffing her face with the junk food in front of them she is failing.

Kif · 20/05/2014 07:59

How is it different to clothes shop employees being expected to wear current season stock?

Could you go to work in Hollister in badly fitting Primark jeans and a Shapeless jumper?

HayDayQueen · 20/05/2014 08:05

Well according to lots of people on this thread yes! Because you can't 'control' an adult's actions..... or some such rubbish......

Nutellanutellanutella · 20/05/2014 08:10

I think it's is completely rude of your nanny to stuff her face with 'treats' in front of the children Shock. Eating is / should be a social experience.

No way on earth would I pay a nanny and have her take my dc to mc Donald's or whatever. That sets a bad example. Also, why can't they have lunch at home? It's ok to have a picnic in the park or the playground but eating in greedy spoon type of places is just not on.

I'd ask her to eat with the children and what the children eat (would you as a parent eat different foods when eating with your children?). If she doesn't want to play ball, get rid.

Nutellanutellanutella · 20/05/2014 08:12

So when she munches on her bag of sweets, your dc stand around watching her? Wtf??????? Who does that?

Nutellanutellanutella · 20/05/2014 08:13

And your dc have to sit in a stinky mc Donald's in order to eat their homemade sandwiches? I would never ever pay through my teeth for a crap service like that.

Nutellanutellanutella · 20/05/2014 08:34

I guess, what I am trying to say is that your nanny can of course eat whatever the hell she likes. However, if her eating out in mc Donald's and other fast food places regularly and eating bags of sweets crap I front of your dc whilst they can't and shouldn't have any, at least not on a daily basis, doesn't agree with your standards (certainly wouldn't with mine) then you can either ask her to change so she can keep her job or get rid of her and employ someone whose eating habits are of a better example to your dc.

Also, I just can't get over the fact that she eats treats I front of your dc. To me that is so rude and selfish that I would think her manners are just not up to scratch.

EliotAusten · 20/05/2014 08:41

YANBU. We hired a nanny last year (still with us) and it was a fairly consistent feature of the nanny CVs/profiles that they love cooking healthy foods and snacks. I think you're being short changed. If she makes poor decisions like that, I would worry she was also a bit slack on other fronts. But I appreciate the horses will say that one packet of Haribo does not maketh the reprobate. Our nanny is relentless on heathy eating - she gets cross if we've bought Organix snacks when we have care of DS. The beauty of nanny care is that it's bespoke. You don't need I c

EliotAusten · 20/05/2014 08:42

Sorry - to compromise!

MerryMarigold · 20/05/2014 11:40

Nutella, loving the idea of a 'greedy spoon'. I may open up a caff called that!

weaselish · 20/05/2014 13:05

I think the nanny is being unreasonable. Our nanny gets petty cash, but it's for th kids.
She has access to a fridge full of food and also asks for particular things that she likes, which we provide. She doesn't always eat the same as the kids (and I wouldn't expect her to - it's her choice what she eats) but I would object to her buying expensive food/junk with my money!

VIPissArtist · 20/05/2014 13:18

She is an employee. What exactly would you do if your boss asked you to eat differently?

as a nanny looking after their children i would comply or leave.

as a it engineer I would laugh and tell my boss to take a running jump.

wubwubwub · 20/05/2014 14:40

New nanny time

SlimJiminy · 20/05/2014 14:55

I think YABU to tell her what she can/can't eat - even though I agree that she shouldn't be munching on Haribo/MacDs while your kids have their sandwiches - but YANBU to look for a new nanny and stress your views on healthy eating/ensure you get a good match from the start.

Theodorous · 20/05/2014 16:14

Poor girl she's probably looking for another job anyway

Original poster
2littleduckies · 20/05/2014 19:17

Very undramatic update. I had a chat with our nanny this morning. We talked about how we could work together to encourage the DCs to eat healthily, including role modelling and not having junk food as everyday foods, and also reiterated what the kitty is for. She seemed happy and didn't take it as a criticism of her diet, focus was all on her interaction with the children. But we agreed no eating sweets or 'junk foods' in front of the DCs and more focus on cooking from scratch, fresh ingredients etc.

OP posts:
Shewhowines · 20/05/2014 23:58

Good. Hopefully she is just inexperienced and needs some guidance in this department. Is she ok in others though...?

SarcyMare · 22/05/2014 16:54

If she is inexperienced do you have anything in place to help her do more from scratch?

could you organise a cooking course (sure start do some round here),
or buy some learn to cook books.