To ask our nanny to eat more healthily ...

[2littleduckies]

Or even just cut out the junk food whilst she is at work?

Not long after she first started we asked her to stop feeding the DCs take away for lunch regularly and to ensure they ate at least some fruit and veg each day. This has happened more or less. She still relies on more processed food than I would like, but she is not that confident with cooking so cooking from scratch every meal is not an option.

The main issue is that she obviously doesn't eat any fruit or veg herself, drinks fizzy drinks, bags of haribo and other sweets, pasties and other 'junk food' most days at work. I would prefer she and the DCs ate the same food. I don't think it is helpful that as an example they have homemade sandwiches and she eats two happy meals - this happened when they last went for a picnic. As a side issue we also pay for her food whilst she is working, but this is primarily as she eats with them to model good table manners and eating habits. Paying for the bags of sweets and unhealthy top ups grates.

Is it unreasonable to say we will only pay for her food if it is healthy (ish) and we don't want her bringing 'junk food' into work/our house every day? I'd also like them to see her eating veg with her meals, as the DCs now say they don't like this and that, but realise that might be a step too far.

As a nanny of many years- this is fairly shocking behaviour on her part. I see modelling good behaviour as a very large part of my job, from the language I use to not dropping litter to demonstrating road sense when out. A huge part of how children learn is from watching and imitating, they are learning all about life from what they see. They are in their own house, doing the same routine, with an adult that their parents clearly trust.

Completely different to a nursery, where they are looked after by a larger team, follow different rules and are part of a peer group.

I have to say I'm into junk food too, sweets and not so healthy stuff. I do ensure, as a part of my role, that I don't eat it in front of my charges. I do drink fizzy drinks, but I've been with the family for over four years and I know both parents drink cans of coke while with the children so I'm doing nothing different. I too have food in my contract, it's one of the parts of nannying not to have any complete breaks to go and get food so having a sandwich from the fridge makes up for that. I rarely eat with the children, I have 5 charges, 4 in school and nursery and one toddler who I sometimes eat with. But since she has dropped her nap to 20 mins and is madly active I tend to use I the time she eats to chuck on the wash and stuff.

I think the nanny's behaviour is quite unprofessional and should be bought up. No way could you let her go without addressing this, she is unaware of your feelings on it. And I disagree with posters saying yabu to bring it up- it's a much bigger part of the job, that of a role model, than in say an office. If someone in an office or wherever people work use bad language, or discuss inappropriate things with co workers, it's not the hugest misdemeanour. But if I discovered a nanny casually swearing in front of their charges, or started a conversation on their sex life for example, I would certainly bring it up. Completely different situation when working with children, particularly in their own home.

Yabvu i had to learn that what our children see and hear is part and parcel of life especially when they mix with adults and children at school from nursery, primary and junior school i have had to hope my children learn our own values and managed to exclude the bad they sometimes witness and hear around them that's why i say you are being unreasonable, as it only continues the more you expose your children to the mixture of people that do not behave exactly as you do. What about her opinions, words she uses, all little habits she has, if you expect to dictate now your list will be endless!

Oh and it's very unusual for her to be using your money to purchase food for herself. Most nannies I know, including myself, use whatever is in the fridge most days. Sometimes I will use the float to buy lunch for myself and the children if out for the day, or drinks on a hot day and we run out. I only buy 'food', so the actual meal, sandwich or pasta and a drink maybe. Not sweets or deserts! That comes out of my money.

So is the nanny buying food out and bringing it back and giving the children your own food? That's a really bizarre situation. I only buy my own stuff if a really fancy so ring, I eat it when toddler is sleeping and use my own money. If there is bread and so ding to put on it, if at home I eat that!

For me, healthy eating is very important and I model that for my children. I would not be happy with this set up and would prefer a nanny that had the same values as me.

Could you stop providing money for food? Provide for at home but don't pay for extras?

Yabvvu for telling an adult what they eat, but as your paying for it Yanbu. Cook and freeze batches of food fir your dcs, and leave healthy snacks out for her.

YANBU.

And I say this as an ex-nanny.

I can't believe she is eating sweets in front of the DC

At the table/on a picnic she should eat what the children are eating.

If she does the shopping you should be very clear what you want her to buy/not buy.

This is very unprofessional of the nanny. The nanny should be modeling good behaviour. Obviously there will be slight discrepancies between what the nanny and the children eat (the nanny might have a cup of coffee for example) but eating sweets/happy meals when the children aren't is really not on.

I agree I also need to talk to her about the kitty and what it is for. I think over time us providing food (from the fridge etc) and using the kitty for topping up packed lunch supplies and paying when she and DCs eat/drink out together occasionally have got a bit muddled and become she can buy whatever food she wants, even if the DCs aren't included. It's her first nannying role so think its just getting used to it. She is fab at other aspects of the job and the DCs love her.

You can't tell her what to and not to eat. You CAN give her a budget (I think I got £15/week) for HER food though. This cuts out you spending lots of money. What she decides to purchase to eat with it is her choice though.

As a former nanny I am shocked. If I ate with the kids and wasn't having what they were I was eating something healthy. But then I don't want to gain loads of weight so wouldn't eat crap all day everyday.

I think you should be able to sort this out by talking it through as you say - just reining things in a little you could say.
I hope you keep your nanny if she's good in all other ways and so good with your DC x

Yes definitely have a chat- she has no idea this is an issue, you do get used to doing things one way. I've only ever had a budget for myself as a live-in nanny though, as live-out i only use kitty money for myself if eating with the children as I say, if out in London all day or recently when the family moved and we had to eat out a lot til the kitchen was sorted.

She is fab at other aspects of the job and the DCs love her This would mean more to me than anything else. It's not good for the children to be chopping and changing nannies and they have obviously formed a strong bond with your current one. You might well change and get one who is excellent on the nutrition side but not nearly such a nice person generally. You only have to look at the nanny/childminder section of MN to see how difficult it is to get all the desirable qualities in one person - none of us are perfect and compromises are generally essential.

I would go with the approach of making and leaving food for the nanny and children and saying cheerfully that it is forall of them as buying different things every day is proving expensive - no criticism of her eating habits! At the same time, encourage her to start cooking for them all with easy recipes.

Children under the care of a nanny or childminder as well as parents are always going to receive different influences from each, but yours will always - or should be - the strongest. After all, you and the children's father are the only truly permanent people in their lives. You can counteract attitudes on eating with your own steady example and opinions - but it is essential to know you are leaving your children with a kind, otherwise excellent nanny that your children love.

How would those who think it's none of the OP's business feel if the dinnerladies at their DC's school starting bringing in Maccy D's or pizza and eating it in front of the kids
Teachers bring coke mars bars, coffee etc into the classroom and trough them in front of the kids.

DFOD award of the thread goes to.........

This has given me an idea! We ought to hold the MN equivalent of the BAFTAs

YANBU.

We used to have a nanny and agreed clear expectations regarding meals before we employed her. She was responsible for lunch and snacks for the dcs, which she prepared from whatever was available in the house. She had a list of snacks they liked and which I stocked most of at any one time. We discussed what meals the dcs liked and what she felt comfortable preparing then I made meal plans each week and bought food accordingly. The dcs were allowed a treat after lunch and these were kept separate from the "normal" snacks. She was welcome to help herself to whatever, but we didn't give her extra money for food. So in theory she could have raided the treat box and scoffed it all in front of the dcs but common sense and manners meant she did not do that and if she had I would have spoken to her about it!

If your nanny is going home at dinner time she plenty of opportunity to eat as much junk as she likes after work. You are paying her to do things the way you ask. If she's not prepared to do what you need her to do then she can find alternative employment!

I would bring it up but make it about money not healthy eating - kitty is getting out of control and you can't afford it so can she make lunch from things at home.

I would write her out a weeklyeal plan and provide recipes. If she can't cook simple meals, it's about time she learned. It will stand get in good professionally. Point out to her its part of her professional development. She might not like it now, but she will be grateful one day.

'You're fired '

This should have been clearly covered at interview . Huge issue for me .
I wouldn't let my kids visit any friends frequently if they did this.
It's bad manners , shows a huge misunderstanding of the role and sets an appalling example .

Yanbu. Your nanny needs to fit in with your way of life and values. I had a volunteer from Home Start for a few months and they made sure she was a good fit, on her first visit we went out for a walk that was about 3 miles with dc1 (just 3) and dc2 (a few weeks old). She was happy to do so, whereas many adults would find that too far. I briefly considered a nanny and in chats with an agency they asked about car usage. Of course they will see other behaviours but she should be modelling good behaviours in terms of healthy eating. Do as I say not as I do does not work long with children!

YANBU

Do you think it is because she only eats junk food, or because she has had someone doing all food prep for her and doesn't have the confidence to prepare even the most basic meal? Are you wanting her to make sandwiches (which she must be able to do) or to cook the children's main meal?

I taught ours to cook, well when i say I, I bought her some very simple cookbooks, and left her a pile of ingredients.

It's her first nannying job, so she doesn't get it. I agree with the meal plan idea. I sacked a nanny for this kind of behaviour, but she was horrible too, if your kids love her and she's generally fab, then you need to iron it out.

I'm not sure I understand this. I haven't really followed who's eating what and where.

I don't think you tell her what to eat in the house or with food she brings herself or, if she's making a sandwich for herself, what she should put in it. That would be very controlling and in a funny way I think it actually over-emphasises food as an issue to your children. Controlling what adults eat is not a good place to be. And you end up having your nanny eating sweets in secret which is also not helpful to anyone's sense of healthy eating especially since it's always obvious when this is going on.

But I wouldn't pay for her to have McDonalds.

FWIW my nanny eats terrible food herself. She's welcome to eat any of the healthy and fresh food we have in the house but she brings her own, nibbling all day on bits of junk food and biscuits. (She's very slim by the way, while I am fat so let's just throw that into the mix as well).

I wouldn't dream of telling her what to eat or to stop eating biscuits. I hire her because she loves the DCs, is great with them and reliable. I'm more concerned about the impact another family member has on the DCs - this family member is health-food obsessed and will often not eat a sandwich with the family because she's brought her own fish and chopped carrot concoction.

I'm sorry, but I strongly disagree with a lot of the posters above.

It is party of nannying that she displays good habits in all areas, INCLUDING FOOD, to the children. It is part of the job, and if she doesn't like it, she goes and gets another job.

Junk food should only be presented as an occasional thing, and not something constant. She should NOT be eating sweets while the children eat fruit. It is simply not on.

Unlike other jobs, nannies don't get lunch time breaks without children, but they are paid while they eat their lunch with the children. So you can't compare it to other jobs at all.

Your kitty should NOT be used for ANY junk food unless it is the occasional treat for ALL, nanny and children together.

If the children are away from her- either napping or at nursery for a few hours, then fine, she can eat her junk food that SHE has paid for.

And the cooking business? Get a few simple cook books, point out a basic recipe or two and MAKE her start cooking. Again, its part of nannying. She doesn't have to be a master chef or anything, but she does need to know how to make simple, healthy meals.