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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask our nanny to eat more healthily ...

176 replies

2littleduckies · 18/05/2014 20:32

Or even just cut out the junk food whilst she is at work?

Not long after she first started we asked her to stop feeding the DCs take away for lunch regularly and to ensure they ate at least some fruit and veg each day. This has happened more or less. She still relies on more processed food than I would like, but she is not that confident with cooking so cooking from scratch every meal is not an option.

The main issue is that she obviously doesn't eat any fruit or veg herself, drinks fizzy drinks, bags of haribo and other sweets, pasties and other 'junk food' most days at work. I would prefer she and the DCs ate the same food. I don't think it is helpful that as an example they have homemade sandwiches and she eats two happy meals - this happened when they last went for a picnic. As a side issue we also pay for her food whilst she is working, but this is primarily as she eats with them to model good table manners and eating habits. Paying for the bags of sweets and unhealthy top ups grates.

Is it unreasonable to say we will only pay for her food if it is healthy (ish) and we don't want her bringing 'junk food' into work/our house every day? I'd also like them to see her eating veg with her meals, as the DCs now say they don't like this and that, but realise that might be a step too far.

OP posts:
PrimalLass · 18/05/2014 21:01

You can't tell her what to eat. But you can tell her what NOT to in in front if your children. And you can certainly say what you are not going to pay for. Within reason.

PeachyParisian · 18/05/2014 21:01

As a Nanny i don't think you ABU at all OP! She's bloody lucky to have her food paid for and is taking the piss royally by spending it on sweeties for herself. It's her job to be a good role model and teach the children good habits when she's caring for them.

Make a meal plan and tell her she's to stick to it for the kids. Explain to her that you expect her to eat with them (the same food) or she's to bring a packed lunch. Do the food shop online or give her a shopping list with the money. That way if she insists on scoffing crap all day, it's coming out of her own pocket!

As an aside, I prepare fresh, organic meals for the kids I looks after every. single. day.
Comprised of the right portions of carbs, veg, and protein for their ages. It's a faff and a PITA sometimes but that's my job.

uptheauntie · 18/05/2014 21:02

YADDDDNBU. She is eating this crap whilst you are paying her to look after your children. What she is doing is a really bad example for them.

To all those saying you cannot dictate what the nanny does, you can to a certain extent given it is whilst she is looking after the children. If she was picking her nose and eating it in front of the children would it be be none of the op's business?

Just explain you are not happy with the example she is setting the children, obviously she can eat what ever she likes on her own time, but when she is being paid to look after the children, she shouldn't be eating these foods.

CrystalSkulls · 18/05/2014 21:03

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
2littleduckies · 18/05/2014 21:03

I think the toys were for the kids and apparently it's cheaper. The kids deffo had sandwiches, the DS1 is rubbish at secrets so doubt he could be persuaded not to say anything.

Thanks for the replies especially those with nannying experience. Good to know I'm not completely bonkers, although realise I might BU to ask her to eat more fruit and veg herself.

The fridge and cupboards are stocked with heathy food for making meals, I have started some batch cooking, but tbh it feels like doing the job I am paying her for. It's not the paying for the take aways I mind so much, if she was paying herself I would still feel uncomfortable about it.

I think I just need to talk it through with her, remind her what we discussed at interview and talk about modelling good behaviours rather than focusing on her diet (which I agree is none of my business).

OP posts:
Bowlersarm · 18/05/2014 21:03

YANBU to a certain extent.

I don't think most people would be happy with their nanny stuffing sweets, macdonalds, all manner of crap, into their own mouth while telling her charges they need to eat the carrot sticks in front of them.

I don't think it's out of order for you to say something, but it is a bit delicate.

TheScience · 18/05/2014 21:04

YANBU

Normally nannies eat with the children, having cooked food provided by the parents.

If she wants to eat junk, she can buy it with her own money.

I think you need to review your contract/job description.

ICanSeeTheSun · 18/05/2014 21:04

In the DC school there is heathy eating policy, which also applys to the teachers and support staff.

I suspect if the teachers have time to go to the staff room then they eat/drink what ever they want but in the classroom it's water only and the staff who are doing break time supervision eat fruit.

HappySunflower · 18/05/2014 21:05

CrystalSkulls what a totally unhelpful post.

From what I've read, the OP has a nanny to care for her children whilst she works.

WorraLiberty · 18/05/2014 21:05

How would those who think it's none of the OP's business feel if the dinnerladies at their DC's school starting bringing in Maccy D's or pizza and eating it in front of the kids?

That's a very good point.

However, I'd be just as annoyed for the dinner ladies if I found out the head was insisting they ate food they didn't like.

Ask her to stop eating sweets and Maccy D's, but do not ask her to eat fruit and veg. She's an adult, not one of the OP's children.

FreeSpirit89 · 18/05/2014 21:06

YABU - You can not control a grown adults diet. I would be telling you where to shove your home cooked meals if I were here.

BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 18/05/2014 21:07

As for the batch-cooking I used to do that in the week so my employer didn't have to spend her weekends in the kitchen.

This nanny is taking the piss!

Tell her you are willing to feed her from what's in the house but anything she buys for herself outside will not be funded by you any longer.

If she won't buck her ideas up and feed the children properly, and start being a half-decent example she needs to go.

TheScience · 18/05/2014 21:09

Agree with Worra - you can't tell her what to eat but you can tell her:

  • no more buying food, there is food in the house
  • no eating sweets and takeaways in front of the children
  • she can either eat lunch with the children (eg. make herself a sandwich or jacket potato) or bring her own lunch
bothofyou · 18/05/2014 21:13

If I am not eating the same as the children that I am looking after, then I sit with them and have a cup of tea and a chat while they eat, and eat after when they are playing/watching tv/ giving me five minutes.

I don't think this is unusual nor unreasable.

If she is a great nanny in other ways then start the conversation by praising the good, before mentioning the change. Could she and the kids go to some cooking classes together in the holidays to learn to make basic meals? explain that this is something you feel strongly about and while you really love how she looks after your kids it could end up being a deal breaker for you.

GreenEyedGoblin · 18/05/2014 21:18

I'm half and half on this one.

You would be completely ur to tell her what to eat. If the kids are sitting down to spag Bol and she's eating a pasty and chips for instance, or a jacket potato, I wouldn't have a problem.

I would expect to have some say in what she doesn't eat though tbh. I would not be happy with her stuffing packets of sweets and chocolate in front of the dc. There's just no need anyway...easy enough to occupy the kids and nip to the kitchen for a handful of sweets, she doesn't need to scoff them at the table.

I also wouldn't be happy at ALL with the kids being dragged to McDonald's/Greggs etc every day for her to buy her food. Eating different main meals to the kids fine - giving them the clear message that takeaway shit is 'usual' everyday food is NOT.

The only other thing I would have a huge (sackable) issue with is if she ever tells the kids she doesn't like any fruit or veg, carrots are disgusting, apples turn her stomach, that sort of thing. You can fob kids off with 'Oh I had my fruit just now when you were busy colouring', you can't get away with it If the kids KNOW she won't eat and doesn't like healthy food.

x2boys · 18/05/2014 21:18

They tried this at work about 10\12 years ago saying staff could not buy takeaway pizzas curries etc on a night shift as the patients might want them (on a mental health unit) now considering we had an unpaid hours break which could not be facilitated as there were not enough staff and there was nowhere to prepare food they were being very unreasonable and the union agreed and they got knowhere also they did,nt provide food but if you are providing healthy alternatives and she gets all the breaks she is entitled too I am not sure where you would stand.

CrystalSkulls · 18/05/2014 21:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Juno321 · 18/05/2014 21:20

I can understand how you feel although I'm not sure there's anything you can do, it's up to her what she chooses to put in her body. I wouldn't want my children being around someone every day eating macdonalds and other junk food, children learn by example and as a nanny she should learn to cook healthy nutritious meals.

BolshierAyraStark · 18/05/2014 21:20

If I was your nanny I'd tell you to fuck the fuck off.

HTH.

Coldlightofday · 18/05/2014 21:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MissSmiley · 18/05/2014 21:23

I used to em

Bowlersarm · 18/05/2014 21:26

If you really were to say that Bolshier, then the OP would be a lot better off without you.

x2boys · 18/05/2014 21:27

Actually reading your original post again I would be more than happy to eat healthy food provided by you if you were my employer and if I wanted junk I would buy it myself .

TheScience · 18/05/2014 21:27

I imagine lots of people wouldn't be happy if the nursery workers sat down with the kids at snack time and got out a mars bar or a packet of biscuits.

I've been a nanny and the deal with the employer "providing lunch" is always that you eat from the employers house - I have never known any nanny nip out for a kebab and then charge her boss for it.

JugglingChaotically · 18/05/2014 21:29

We always say what type or food our DCs have to eat.
Not meal by meal but guidelines. And all food eaten by DCs is listed in nanny diary.
Almost all food is ordered and delivered. I ask the nanny to write on the family shopping list what she would like to eat plus what is required for DCs meals. My preference is for nanny to eat with DCs but if not then they must sit with them and chat and ensure proper manners, chat etc.
unhealthy food, fizzy drinks to be eaten outside sight of DCs. And McDs forbidden!
There is a cash tin for top ups, outings etc but not take always or junk - though relaxed if at legoland or similar!
To be fair all our nannies - over 16 years - have been v happy with this and viewed child nutrition and modelling good behaviour as key part of job! So I've not really had to worry about it. (It is something I cover in interviews though.)
Time for a long chat with nanny or new one Id suggest.
And to those who said you should cook - why? It's a key part of the nanny's role.

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