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AIBU?

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Original poster

To ask our nanny to eat more healthily ...

176 replies

2littleduckies · 18/05/2014 20:32

Or even just cut out the junk food whilst she is at work?

Not long after she first started we asked her to stop feeding the DCs take away for lunch regularly and to ensure they ate at least some fruit and veg each day. This has happened more or less. She still relies on more processed food than I would like, but she is not that confident with cooking so cooking from scratch every meal is not an option.

The main issue is that she obviously doesn't eat any fruit or veg herself, drinks fizzy drinks, bags of haribo and other sweets, pasties and other 'junk food' most days at work. I would prefer she and the DCs ate the same food. I don't think it is helpful that as an example they have homemade sandwiches and she eats two happy meals - this happened when they last went for a picnic. As a side issue we also pay for her food whilst she is working, but this is primarily as she eats with them to model good table manners and eating habits. Paying for the bags of sweets and unhealthy top ups grates.

Is it unreasonable to say we will only pay for her food if it is healthy (ish) and we don't want her bringing 'junk food' into work/our house every day? I'd also like them to see her eating veg with her meals, as the DCs now say they don't like this and that, but realise that might be a step too far.

OP posts:
PollyIndia · 19/05/2014 10:27

I agree with HayDayQueen. Sure, you can't dictate what she eats in her own time at all, but when she is with the children, part of her job and part of looking after the children is feeding them and being a good model in terms of food. This would be a dealbreaker for me but I eat with DS a lot so social eating is a big thing for me. If I am eating something unhealthy, I know I will have to share it with him, so I try not to in the week.

However because I think this will be hard to resolve I agree with the posters that you might need a new nanny.

Bodicea · 19/05/2014 10:37

Wow this would be a deal breaker for me too. What kind of person sits and eats a bag of haribo, mcdonalds every day? She is setting a bad example to the children. I think it displays a bad attitude. I would look for a new nanny.

Bettercallsaul1 · 19/05/2014 10:52

I think, given her other good qualities and the fact that the children love her, that she should be given the chance to sort this situation out and not just summarily dismissed. Try other options first, for everyone's sake - the situation is surely not irretrievable.

YoureBeingASillyBilly · 19/05/2014 10:56

I cant believe any one who cares for children would sit eating a happy meal infront of them while they didnt have one! I find that really cruel and would be finding a new nanny tbh. I find it really odd that she think's that is ok.

SpeedwellBlue · 19/05/2014 10:58

If you are otherwise happy with the nanny and the children love her, i would always try to work with the nanny to resolve this first rather than just ditch her and get someone else. I knew a child at my children's preschool who had a nanny. The child was a very happy child. The mum sacked the nanny (I don't know why) and i saw the child completely change and go from very happy to very unsettled and unhappy for a while. It can have a very unsettling effect if the child has become very fond of the nanny, so I'd try to resolve things first if you are otherwise happy. I agree with the points HayDay made by the way.

MidniteScribbler · 19/05/2014 13:48

I'm a teacher and I am always very conscious of what I eat in front of students. I am addicted to my lunchtime can of coke, but I have that in the staff room (or occasionally in my water bottle which has non see through sides so the students think it is just my water bottle). We don't have ridiculously strict eating rules at our school, but I still think it is my job to model appropriate eating habits if the students see me eating, regardless of my own personal food choices. There is plenty of opportunity to eat food of your own choice outside of working hours, but when you are 'on duty' then you need to consider the message you are sending.

Sneepy · 19/05/2014 13:56

There's been a lot of points made here but the main one for me is that she is being INCREDIBLY RUDE! Who eats treats in front of kids without giving them any? It's mean and thoughtless and that alone would make me question her worth as a nanny. What other thoughtless things does she do or say?

NewNameForSpring · 19/05/2014 14:29

YANBU. and I'd love to know how your talk went OP.

Ebb · 19/05/2014 14:41

I find it quite interesting that all the nannies/ex-nannies who have posted, have been quite shocked by her eating/feeding habits yet a lot of parents think it's fine. As a nanny, I think it is part of my job to provide a well balanced, healthy diet and encourage healthy eating and an active life style.

I would sit her down and bluntly say that you do not want junk food, take aways and sweets eaten in front of the children. Surely she can go without crap until she gets home?! Buy a family cookbook where she can learn to make homemade burgers, fish fingers and chicken goujons etc. If it's her first job, she may need more guidance about what is and isn't acceptable when nannying. If she wants to continue as a nanny, she needs to be more professional!

TheScience · 19/05/2014 14:43

I reckon a lot of the parents who have said "it's fine" don't employ nannies and take it as a given that their nursery staff/dinner ladies aren't sitting down with their children at lunch time with a happy meal and a packet of haribo saying "are you enjoying your carrot sticks love? I hate vegetables" Grin

SpeedwellBlue · 19/05/2014 14:48

ha ha Grin

sezamcgregor · 19/05/2014 14:53

I think that I'd ask her to consider it as a verbal warning.

It is so important that these early years are "right" - at the end of the day, you recruited her personally to do this very special job for your family.

Perhaps she's just pants at meal planning? Maybe ask her what fillings she'd like for sandwiches and include her in lunch planning?

StanleyLambchop · 19/05/2014 15:03

What if she genuinely hates all the stuff in the fridge though? I was an au-pair once and the family lived off nuts and pulses- I was starving the whole time, so I used to have to buy myself 'top up' food. The mother did not like it, but I had to eat and I did not like what she had on offer. I paid for it myself though. I don't think you can tell an adult what you want them to eat, sorry.

Loverofpeas · 19/05/2014 15:20

Buy in and provide all the weekly food they all need. Aim for picnics instead of eating out. You can help pack the food or have some food rota pinned up. Provide healthy food for her and if she wants unhealthy food, she can buy it herself. That way she can choose.

TwelveLeggedWalk · 19/05/2014 15:33

YANBU

The example she's setting would bother me too, but most of all it bothers me that she is must be not be very tuned in to the kids - or you must have very compliant kids!

If a nanny looking after my two had a Happy Meal whilst they were given sandwiches, or sweets whilst they weren't allowed any, they'd be pretty upset and wouldn't be able to understand why it wasn't fair.

Did your kids not mind?

TwelveLeggedWalk · 19/05/2014 15:35

Also, you don't say how old your DC are, but if they either nap during the day or are at school/pre-school for some of it, then she can use that time to practice some cooking surely?

Get a child/friendly family book and let her choose some stuff to try maybe?

Messygirl · 19/05/2014 15:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fillybuster · 19/05/2014 16:23

We had a nanny for 4 years who had similar eating habits. One (fairly important, imo) difference was that we didn't pay for her junk food/takeaway habit. Another was that she was able to cook decent food for the dcs.

It did bother me that she would generally eat 2-3 sausage rolls, several bars of chocolate and 2 cans of ff coke every day. She was quite mindful in the early years about only eating this stuff when the dcs were having a sleep/at nursery etc. but of course as they got bigger and were awake all day, she started eating her crap less healthy food in front of them. And I really didn't like that she would feed the dcs lunch then walk them up to the greasy spoon at the top of the road so get her lunch with her....Hmm Which they would sit and watch her eat in the caff....Hmm Hmm

Anyway, it wasn't a deal-breaker, but I do agree it isn't ideal and I certainly wouldn't have stood for her feeding my own children that stuff on a regular basis. Actually, she was excellent at feeding them fresh, healthy, well-balanced meals, it was just her own eating habits that were a problem.

OP - I think you need to have a firm chat and re-set the guidelines. And close the kitty...!

HayDayQueen · 19/05/2014 16:24

What if she genuinely hates all the stuff in the fridge though?

Then she gets another job. It really is that simple.

It doesn't sound as though this family are doing what your family did though. It sounds as though SHE is the one who has the odd eating habits.

wheresthebeach · 19/05/2014 17:05

What she does when she's working for you is your business. She's not working in an office - she's looking after your children and she is a role model. You have to be happy that she is setting a good example. In my book she isn't and it would be a deal breaker for me. Healthy eating habits are vital to children's health.

She can eat all the crap she wants for breakfast and when she gets home. Having a healthy lunch isn't the end of the world.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/05/2014 17:10

wheres how can you police what she eats then?!

say if nanny in this case wants a sausage roll, bag of crisps, sweets etc - but at agreed snack times. and she explains to the DC in this case the importance of these foods as TREATS?

surely that's got to be better than denying them completely?

SuperFlyHigh · 19/05/2014 17:12

I do think though that the nanny should be given lessons or shown how to cook lunch for the DC (and/or tea).

eg - cheese on toast with tomatoes. jacket potato with fillings etc...

and whatever else the mum sees fit eg quiche and salad. but if the mum has to buy it in eg M&S quiche etc then that's what happens!

wheresthebeach · 19/05/2014 17:13

It doesn't sound like treats - its a way of eating on a daily basis. Treats are fine but need to be agreed so parents know how much sugar their kids have had.

It's can't be policed. It has to be agreed. They have to talk.

SaucyJack · 19/05/2014 17:13

What if she genuinely hates all the stuff in the fridge though?

If growing the fuck up and eating sensibly really is beyond her, then she should just have toast or a sandwich with them- or eat in a separate room.

It really, really isn't on to be eating bags of sweets and Happy Meals in front of children you are being paid to care for. It doesn't promote good eating habits, and it's horribly unfair to small children if they're not allowed a treat.

SuperFlyHigh · 19/05/2014 17:14

Saucy - yes you're right, she does need to promote healthy eating and treats but for both her and the DC.

I think the mother needs to have a chat here.