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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband ought to have looked after our baby properly

132 replies

Mrssodapop · 17/05/2014 16:08

It's a hot day here and I left toddler aged 2 in the paddling with her dad supervising. The water was cool but a couple of pots of hot water had been added so it wasn't freezing. Toddler had been in the pool for about 5 mins before I went in and left husband to it. 10 minutes later he comes to tell me that he thinks ds ought to come out, gone blue and shivering. I get ds out and he is absolutely freezing cold and shivering so much he can't catch his breath. I took him inside and wrapped him in blankets and even got a hot water bottle to warm him up. I was worried because he kept on shivering and his temperature was 34.4! Over the next five minutes he warmed up and temperature was normal but I am furious with husband. I'm cross because he came to ask me leaving ds alone in the pool for a few seconds, also that he even came to ask me, where is his initiative. When I told him ds should have been taken out as soon as he went blue he started arguing with me that I shouldn't have put him in a paddling pool in the first place but my point is husband ought to have been watching him and taking care of him properly. Furious that he just sat there watching ds go blue and didn't respond, I feel he's a crap dad right now.

OP posts:
BitterAndOnlySlightlyTwisted · 17/05/2014 16:16

He comes IN to tell you that his own child should come out of the water?

So, he left a TWO YEAR OLD unattended in water after he'd let him go blue from the cold. Yes, he is a crap Dad, and he's a blithering fucking idiot as well.

gamerchick · 17/05/2014 16:19

are you sure it's just with the cold and he didn't go under the water at any time? Is he alright now, back to normal?

HecatePropylaea · 17/05/2014 16:20

Well yes, that is crap.

He needed to come in and ask you should he take his blue and shivering child out of water? Left the child alone IN the water?

What is wrong with him? Hmm Does he bring the child to you to ask if he needs food or a nappy change? Hmm

It's fairly crap when a father isn't capable of looking after his own child. Do they think we get a chip put in our heads when we give birth that programmes us with the skills we need (and a dollop of common bloody sense!)

Idiot.

Martorana · 17/05/2014 16:22

Yes he shouldn't have left him, and yes he should have had the sense to get him out- but really? That cold after 10 minutes in a paddling pool on a warm day?

Original poster
Mrssodapop · 17/05/2014 16:26

Yes thanks he's normal now and didn't go under, our 6 year old was in the pool with him at the time. Husband left them for about 6 seconds and thinks that's ok but I don't when the baby is blue and shivering. I'm furious that he didn't just scoop him up and dry him off but cam running in to me to ask my opinion on it. He started shouting at me that he assumed it was ok because I'd put ds in the pool but I've tried explaining to him that what is ok one minute might not be ok the next with small children and that he was left responsible for the situation and sat there doing eff all. Still furious! Toddler totally fine and actually begging to go back out!

OP posts:
Gen35 · 17/05/2014 16:33

I think what's rubbish most is that he didn't act earlier - if dd hurts herself I sometimes shout for the other parent as two people better than one in a crisis, but why he let him get that cold before reacting...

HelenHen · 17/05/2014 16:33

He used his initiative and asked you! Sorry you're probably a bit shocked now and you're both blaming eachother but sounds like one of those things. I doubt the water was warm enough to be honest so you're both being a little U! Sorry! '

oldgrandmama · 17/05/2014 16:36

I'm trying to get my head round this ... pool was warmed up with hot water, but little boy got chilled ... How long after pool warmed did this happen? Is OP sure little boy hasn't suddenly got a slight chill, causing a temperature, chattering teeth, blue with cold etc? Or maybe his sibling chucked some coldish water over him?

Agree, dad should NOT have left kids unsupervised. He sounds a bit useless.

Gen35 · 17/05/2014 16:37

Mind you, I also think you need to encourage him to step up by putting him in sole charge more often, when his has receded, not react as would be understandable by not leaving dh in charge. Hopefully he's learnt a lesson?

Topaz25 · 17/05/2014 16:42

This isn't normal. Has he always been like this? What was he like when the 6 year old was younger?

OwlCapone · 17/05/2014 16:45

I find it very hard to believe that a child would be blue with cold in a paddling pool on a warm day 10 minutes after you left him.

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/05/2014 16:49

Agree with owl

Doesn't add up tbh.

And surely a two yr old can climb out?

That's not to say he should have been left unattended , and the dad shoulda pulled him out but it's boiling outside and your child was blue?

Something's not right here

MrsDiesel · 17/05/2014 16:54

I agree that it is strange the child was blue after ten mins. Sounds like you didn't warm it up enough in the first place tbh.

Although he should have used his common sense I can see why he would have thought it was ok if you had literally said it was fine ten mins earlier.

FamiliesShareGerms · 17/05/2014 16:54

Toddler or baby? Changes a bit in the telling...

RhondaJean · 17/05/2014 16:58

Is your husband usually allowed to make parenting decisions?

TheScience · 17/05/2014 17:02

That's really bizarre. Is he usually like this? Does he ever care for the children alone?

Original poster
Mrssodapop · 17/05/2014 17:07

He has no initiative. 30 minutes before he'd sat kids at table outside to eat their lunch in the midday sun with no hats on and hadn't even put the parasol up. He sat there moaning that it was a bad idea to eat outside. I despair.

OP posts:
MitziKinsky · 17/05/2014 17:10

This whole thing is odd.
After 6 years as a parent he could make a decision on whether a two year old should come out without consulting you? (Is he scared of you or scared of making the wrong decision?)

After being wet once, you decide he isn't a good parent?

You are more worried about the toddler being cold, than left alone on the pool?

You seriously took the temperature of a child who got cold after 10 minutes in a sunny garden (although guessing not that sunny if you needed to put hot water in the pool). Kids do get cold sometimes. I regularly was hauled out of the swimming pool with blue lips as a child - no need to rake temp or hot water bottles.

Floggingmolly · 17/05/2014 17:10

I think there's a slight bit of poetic licence going on there, op.
There is no possible way your toddler was teeth chatteringly blue with cold after 10 minutes in a warmed up paddling pool on a day like today.
Was your 6 year old the same???

I agree your dh shouldn't have left them, but maybe he's used to deferring to your decisions? You certainly seem to have a flair for drama...

paulapantsdown · 17/05/2014 17:11

Jeez, does this fool hold down a job?

Gileswithachainsaw · 17/05/2014 17:13

I don't understand why the kids didn't climb out

RhondaJean · 17/05/2014 17:14

He has no initiative or you have constantly told him that his decisions regarding the children are wrong so that he no longer makes them without your say so?

Who decided to eat outside in the first place?

candycoatedwaterdrops · 17/05/2014 17:17

Your child went blue in the midday sun in a warmed up paddling pool in the space of 10 minutes? How odd.

Bowlersarm · 17/05/2014 17:17

I think you are creating a drama out of nothing, tbh.

Kewcumber · 17/05/2014 17:17

My 2 yr old wouldn't have got out of a pool even freezing. 6 year old yes, 2 yr old no.

I can't imagine asking someone what I should do to look after my child Confused How much time does he spend with them?