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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my husband ought to have looked after our baby properly

132 replies

Mrssodapop · 17/05/2014 16:08

It's a hot day here and I left toddler aged 2 in the paddling with her dad supervising. The water was cool but a couple of pots of hot water had been added so it wasn't freezing. Toddler had been in the pool for about 5 mins before I went in and left husband to it. 10 minutes later he comes to tell me that he thinks ds ought to come out, gone blue and shivering. I get ds out and he is absolutely freezing cold and shivering so much he can't catch his breath. I took him inside and wrapped him in blankets and even got a hot water bottle to warm him up. I was worried because he kept on shivering and his temperature was 34.4! Over the next five minutes he warmed up and temperature was normal but I am furious with husband. I'm cross because he came to ask me leaving ds alone in the pool for a few seconds, also that he even came to ask me, where is his initiative. When I told him ds should have been taken out as soon as he went blue he started arguing with me that I shouldn't have put him in a paddling pool in the first place but my point is husband ought to have been watching him and taking care of him properly. Furious that he just sat there watching ds go blue and didn't respond, I feel he's a crap dad right now.

OP posts:
YoureBeingASillyBilly · 17/05/2014 21:46
Confused
StealthPotato · 17/05/2014 21:47

It's not a weird thread...OP exaggerated, got called out and has slunk off with a dismissive post.

MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 17/05/2014 21:49

I'm not going to get involved in the arguments.

However, one of our DCs used to get incredibly cold after being in water, going a horrible shade of purpley blue, shaking uncontrollably and really hard to warm up afterwards. She hardly ever went swimming or in a paddling pool because of this. We discovered she has Reynaud's Syndrome. Hopefully your DC hasn't got it, but it might be worth checking for. Not life-threatening by any means, although it can be uncomfortable and a real nuisance.

wheresthelight · 17/05/2014 21:49

skina I haven't read enough threads to have seen many people who post such ridiculously contradictory posts to be honest!!

Most people seem to acknowledge and even apologise if their posts are misleading or confusing and go on to clarify.

It would seem the op is a tad entitled!

girliefriend · 17/05/2014 21:51

I think middleaged has a point, I don't think it is normal for a child to get that cold after 10mins in a paddling pool on a warm day.

Skina · 17/05/2014 21:54

Just a tad eh?!

wheresthelight · 17/05/2014 21:57

I may be being a bit over generous Grin

Diane31 · 18/05/2014 00:52

Leave the poor man alone. We (mums) are more equipped by nature to be instinctive to a child's needs whether you like it or not. Some of these posts "...his own child blah blah blah" really get on my nerves.

I don't know why most men don't run a mile these days instead of having kids.

Diane31 · 18/05/2014 00:53

...may be it was too cold for the pool in the first place.

GarlicMayHaveNamechanged · 18/05/2014 01:04

Diane, I would expect any grown-up seeing any person of any age, who was blue & shivering in water, to get them out of the water and warm them up. I fucking hope Mr Sodapop isn't the nearest adult if I get into trouble swimming.

Bogeyface · 18/05/2014 01:14

Oh nice one Diane! With one sentence you have abdicated men of all responsibility on the basis of biology!

We (mums Hmm) could all get hit by a bus tomorrow. Then what? Will your husband have to put your kids up for adoption by a nice lady on the basis that his biology doesnt allow him to responds immediately to his childs needs?

OR are you in fact, talking bollocks?

Bogeyface · 18/05/2014 01:16

OP exaggerated, got called out and has slunk off with a dismissive post

But lets not mention the amount of responses saying that yes, some children do get that cold that quickly in cool water on a hot day, because that wouldnt fit in with your mob mentality would it?

Morloth · 18/05/2014 01:43

My two DSs like being in the water so much they will stay in until blue and shivering.

It isn't a big deal, they warm up with a bit of a run around.

Odd that your husband wants your assistance in such basic parenting though.

pianodoodle · 18/05/2014 02:13

Bloody hell half of you sound as thick as pig shit.

You must be infuriating in real life if you're so easily confused.

YANBU OP

Thumbwitch · 18/05/2014 02:41

I find it quite hard to move if I'm that cold actually. I got really cold once while out on the river (note: ON, not in) and when I got back to the boathouse I could barely move for shivering. I just wanted to sit huddled and try and get some warmth back into me!

It's quite possible that the toddler hadn't even noticed how cold he'd got, as well - both my DSs will stay in the water until they're cold and shivery and still refuse to get out. And paddling pools chill down very quickly because of the cold earth underneath.

OP - YANBU - your DH should have just lifted the toddler out of the pool as soon as he realised how cold he was - but coming to tell you was the second best option, he could have just ignored him, so don't give him too much of a hard time.

Bogeyface · 18/05/2014 03:01

he could have just ignored him, so don't give him too much of a hard time

I was with you on the rest of the post but this surprised me! Dont give him a hard time because he didnt actively neglect his own child? Really?!

Thumbwitch · 18/05/2014 03:05

No no, I'm not saying don't give him a hard time, just not TOO much. Probably should have used italics or something.
At least he did do something - it just wasn't as good as what he could have done. And he definitely needs to learn to be more proactive.

Kewcumber · 18/05/2014 08:50

We (mums) are more equipped by nature to be instinctive to a child's needs whether you like it or not.

What equipment did nature give us? A brain? Are we saying men don;t have one?

happytalk13 · 18/05/2014 09:20

OP YNABU - he sounds like a Muppet. His kid is blue and he comes to check with you first? Is he like this all the time?

Sorry you've been torn to pieces by nit-picky posters making wild assumptions (hot day here yesterday, paddling pool still pretty cold because it takes an awful lot of energy to warm up water just one example) Lesson for AIBU - it's full of people who just love to bully and really enjoy the whole mob mentality of it and then partake in blaming their chosen victim for being too sensitive blah blah blah.

Anyhoo - you now know for next time.

PrincessBabyCat · 18/05/2014 09:22

We (mums) are more equipped by nature to be instinctive to a child's needs whether you like it or not.

Really.

My husband has been very competent caring for our DD on his own while I rest or take a nap. He can make a bottle, change diapers, and even figure out that sometimes she needs to be burped.

I must have discovered a fucking unicorn.

Oh wait. He's just a competent adult that's just as capable of taking care of DD as I am. It's called stepping up and being a parent. There's amazing single fathers out there, and shitty mothers out there. Gender has nothing to do with it. Hmm

Original poster
Mrssodapop · 18/05/2014 10:58

Thank you for some of the supportive posts on here. It is my first time using mn, a friend told me she always finds great advice and it has helped her through some tough patches in her relationship, although from the responses on here I can't for the life of me imagine what she gets out of it. I wonder what sort of people sit behind their computers on a saturday night tearing total strangers to bits on a public forum. Perhaps women with no real life friends, or not real life full stop. I have looked in relationships and there is some really insightful stuff over there. I have never had much to do with women who bully so AIBU has been an eye opener.

OP posts:
Bogeyface · 18/05/2014 11:35

On saturdays nights the wine comes out and so do the claws. Some people genuinely have nothing better to do than be nasty, sad but true.

Thumbwitch · 18/05/2014 11:43

AIBU is a baptism of fire, generally speaking! Your friend should have warned you to stay clear of it for a while - but you've survived, so I hope you hang around now. :)

happytalk13 · 18/05/2014 12:01

Get thee away from AIBU and onto the other forums. I can honestly say that in general it is a very supportive site but if you only hang around on AIBU you will see a largely different picture. I've made some great friends on MN.

MexicanSpringtime · 19/05/2014 04:55

Please don't throw the baby out with the paddling pool water. There are a variety of responses here, but I honestly think that you should check my suggestion that your husband is too insecure to make any decision in regards to the children because you are always the expert. I don't mean this badly, my daugther, whom I adore, is very critical of her Ex, whom I don't adore, but I do feel that she is very unfair to him.