to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

X-post, Corus

Might give the yogurt a swerve, though, napoleon

It's like the pasta version of make your own pizza. You put tonnes of stuff out and they select what they want. I always do it, the children always eat it, lots of kids don't like pizza funnily enough, either they don't eat tomato or they don't eat cheese, which I do find weird.

I agree with everyone who says the parents often say 'oh they'll eat anything' and in fact the children are quite fussy. Then I do have a friend whose child only eats jam or cream cheese sandwiches and another friend whose child eats either chicken nuggets or fish fingers and can't go on the school trip because of it. I do just let them have that stuff when they come though, it's not my battle to fight.

coruskate it's not about OPs food not being delicious enough for her guest. It was that the child was anxious/had food issues. IME plain pasta with self-selected dry toppings is exactly the best fall back in these circs. No sloppy textures, unexpected flavours or 'burnt' bits - which I find to be the most common triggers.

That sounds a bit off, Holiday? If anything I relax the rules when the kids have friends over; I certainly wouldn't make them watch while their guest got treated differently...

I don't think the OP sounds that reasonable. It's very clear that both the child and the mother were anxious about the sleepover for whatever reason. I always ask visiting children what they'd like to eat; never just present it.

What's the point of doing that? So you can get on your high horse?

My DS does have SN though and major food issues so maybe I've had to learn to be more accepting of idiosyncrasies when it comes to food

God, you sound mean and judgemental op. The mum told you her dd liked scrambled eggs, but you didn't bother making them to make a mean point about how this girl should be parented. In my house (like most normal people)we ask guests what they would like and do our best to accomodate them and make them feel welcome.
Horrible.

Sardine pasta?

I think we will just have to agree to disagree on what children these days like!

I always arf at people reckoning that dry toast and an apple before bed is 'punishment' for turning down the lovely tuna bake/shepherds pie/whatever.

My fussy eater would be happy as a pig in the mud eating plain white pasta & plain white bread every day. Maybe adding sweetcorn, peas, satsumas and ham.

It's a different kettle of fish feeding kids - no room for culinary showing off. My DC never eat 'beige' freezer food - but when we have guests I make sure to flash the Captain Brirdseye, MCain and Heinz logos!

Well you can tell we have too much food to choose from.
I as an adult would be grateful that they were giving me the food for free. And would eat it unless it was say raw meat etc.(which i ve been given)
I think the obesity does perhaps stem from us always being able to have something we want. Does us good to pick from things we dont like so much try new foods.
Or if we dont like it dont have anything.
Im picky but dont expect DH family to cater to my wants when we visit.
I did say though that i dont think the own brand wheetabix taste as nice(but its their food). I do struggle a but sometimes as i dont like cheese but then thats my choice take it or leave it. Learn to ask for what you want.

Op it probably is easier with visitors to point them to the cereal cupboard though next time but then there are so many choices now you probably wouldnt have what she likes.

I host lots of young teenagers from Europe some are super fussy. I ask at the outset if there's anything they don't like to avoid that. Otherwise they eat what we do except I make sure the food is in the middle of the table and they help themselves and I separate it out. That way fussy ones can take plain noodles non fussy can serve themselves the sauce. If they don't touch anything they welcome to make themselves bread and butter. This is what works for us with other peoples kids! I will not make alternative meals no way.

Ps no one even the fussiest has ever not eaten toad in the hole....Italians love that!

Well - the generational thing is a fair point - though if you have a father who gets the face if his evening meal doesn't have a soup, bread and butter, meat and two veg .... And I don't mean it's his favourite food - I mean he'll get DM to fix him another supper if he visits someone who serves something more casual... But that would be a drama anyway because he has to eat between 6pm and 7pm... And I don't think he is that unusual in his generation ..... I think some of the sense of superiority is misplaced!

Also Italians - so snobby about their food - so superior .... But I've known some with obsessively limited diets 'like momma used to make'. For example - only being happy to use one Italian restaurant that serves their 'regional' mozzarella. At pot luck suppers only eating their own food.

Exactly - and are they morally better than an eight year old weirded out by how another family fix pizza?

Did anyone see Jamie's Italian TV series? He cooked every where he went - and the locals always seemed to be bemused why he was 'spoiling it' .

the pasta with yoghurt thing is very distressing

I once told a mum my DS eats anything (as I could not hunk of a single thing he would not eat), then she gave him pasta with pesto as a meal. I must be odd to have never made that for my DC (simply never occurred to me), so he did not eat it! He was mortified, she was a bit and I was .

I guess we do all have different ideas of what is "normal"

Poor kid on her first sleep over having been anxious about them in the past. Sorry Op but you sound as if you don't like the kid or the family.
I was surprised the other day to find my son had hardly touch his dinner at a friends house -spaghetti with bolognese sauce! Got him home to discover a deeper issue that had upset him, just before being plonked down to eat something that looked, smelt and tasted different to our version. It happens - it's usually not a big deal, most times people accommodate 8 year olds. But wow - at you not realising she might be finding the weekend a bit tough.