to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Why is it so strange to want to feed my dcs good food?

I don't live in a bad area but it is quite remote so only one supermarket nearby. Is that ok with you?

Zz I have awful connection, please don't apologise to me. But please don't think it's your job to educate these idiots either

You've gathered right, auntiemaggie.
It is as unreasonable not to have a freezerful of foodstuffs you do not eat (and perhaps cannot afford) as it is not to have several different brands of coffee and tea.

To do otherwise is impolite. However, it is not impolite to refuse to eat/drink something if it does not meet your exact preference, even if you do not find it actively unpalatable.

Just got a mental image of DH's Granny serving up enormous helpings of everything. There was no question of anyone saying they didn't like it - you couldn't leave until you were stuffed! Imagine the slating she would have got on here. As it is we all just humoured her and shovelled it in out of politeness because that's what you did!

I agree owl, my dd has ASD, issues with food, we all tend to eat what she likes, it's usually healthy, shepards pie, spag Bol, chilli con carne, if she doesent eat I don't make another dish, I offer alternatives such as toast, cereal or crumpets, fruit and yoghurt. Pr beans in toast which she loves

"I wondered what the actual problem was with the food but didn't want to ask her why she didn't want it"

Maybe she was too polite to tell you that your pancakes looked shite

Seriously, why did you not just ask her? And why ask her if she liked pancakes before you shoved them in front of her assuming that she would just because your kids have no choice everyone else apparently loves them.

If chicken nuggets were required I'd make them from scratch with free range chicken breast. Some commercial nuggets are made from MRM or other factory farmed chicken bits with other additives.

Sheherazade that is the most ignorant post I have ever seen

Is there no limits to people's judginess. Clearly not.

My DD cant speak. Or use a knife and fork. Must be the fact I cut her food up.

Err or her motor disability.

Same here jane

But one should prepare for said senario by psychically knowing 24hrs before hand and defrosting chicken breasts just in case. And if theres room in the fridge after you prepare all the alternatives you have to offer so said child isn't waiting another hour for her food you can use the chicken to top the pizza she didn't eat :o

Giles

Only now I'm wondering that given I've emptied half my freezer, and filled with stuff I won't use, and filled my fridge with an array of back ups as crackers and fruit and yogurt isn't enough, where do I put my actual food? :o

It was not unreasonable to offer homemade pizza. Lots of dcs like that and it was a good idea.
It was very unreasonable to get in a mood about the girl not eating the pizza. And to subsequently restrict her breakfast choice to one item.

zzzzz in this house cereal and bread may not be present, or the bread will be mouldy....

But zzzzz that isn't good enough, it had to be an actual meal apparently

Takeaways rule in that situation

Oh and they could have cereal if of course they arebt picky about brands and don't mind nut milk

My kids don't eat take aways they are awful around here

Lots of good ones here, also some very bad ones.

And I don't always have bread either, because if the kids had finished it off for lunch and I'd planned pancakes for breakfast I'd not put any more on til I needed it which might be a day or two later if say of done soup for lunch which we have with those par baked seeded rolls and they were having pasta salad for school lunches as a change.

If we are supposed to expect the unexpected then perhaps the mums should too and talk to the other parents.

I don't live in a bad area but it is quite remote so only one supermarket nearby. Is that ok with you?

That's fine by me, I only have one supermarket too - Tesco, although there is now an Aldi and a Lidl just outside town. Funnily enough that doesn't stop me being able to read the packets of the 'frozen unhealthy crap' to see that actually, they aren't unhealthy.

It's the sneering and holier than thou attitude to what other children eat that is your downfall. If you were bothered to look further than your own perfect little set up you would find that one size doesnt fit all. Just because something is made commercially rather than by your fair hand it doesn't mean it's bad. It also doesn't mean your children have to eat it - dD didn't eat it today, and actually I am a very strict parent where food is concerned (and manners) but I don't extend that premise to visiting children - I want them to be happy, to remain friends with DD and to want to come back - whatever their eating habits.

Catering for a child with allergies is not remotely the same as catering for a picky child or one with eating issues. Allergies can be a mattr of life and death within seconds of contact.

This child was not going to die from not eating a pizza she made herself, but a child with anaphalaxis could die from just touching a piece of (for example) carrot. We use to brief parents about the limited range of foods she could eat as this was easier than listing all the things she is allergic too, and obviously make sure they knew how to use an epipen immediately (always supplied one) and knew not to delay in calling for an ambulance.