to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Nope, I don't have pasties, pizzas, chicken nuggets etc in my freezer. Because we don't eat them, preferring to cook from scratch.

It doesn't make sense to have a plentiful supply of processed food in the freezer just in case they entertain a child who only eats junk food unless that is the sort of food your family normally eats. I'd rather keep the space for the copious quantities of peach salsa we make over the summer and consume with relish over the rest of the year!

To be honest although I don't really eat them myself, I always have a stock of cheap frozen pizza, chips and the like for when people with kids come or my brothers. Just so easy to make and most people like them.

Suburban, I've had both teenagers and preteen DCs. They would have responded perfectly reasonably to the sort of explanation I've suggested - and indeed did in a similar situation.

And OP has not said she doesn't plan to tell her DD.

argh....I did ask before! how many times should I say that?

Actually my dcs are not that keen on olives

Peach salsa sounds lovely....

TheRealAmandaClarke: FFS. Why can someone so powerfully miss the point?
Ask before she visits?

OP did.

Don't assume that pizza lovers will love your pizza

Why not, unless the child's mother says she will only eat shop-bought pizza? After all, this child helped to make them knowing it was what was planned as their meal. If she didn't like the toppings, she could have asked to make one with the toppings she did like.

I see some boasting on here! Peach salsa what the hell is that! I prefer a peach as it is.

My distinct impression is that you aren't a very nice host.

I've just had people stay for three nights - we changed our routines to fit them, fed them food they liked because we wanted to make them feel welcome. One of the children was fussy so I checked with her mum to make sure she got food she liked.

It wasn't hard.

Peach salsa is salsa made with peaches.
obviously.
The clue is in the name. Peach salsa. Get it?

And as we can't buy peaches all year round, we make batches in the summer and freeze them. What's wrong with that? It's fat free, tastes great and (most importantly) my family all love it.

But if stating what's in my freezer is boasting - why isn't it boasting to say your freezer is full of pizza, chips, sausages and pasties and wonder why everyone isn't exactly the same?

I checked with her mum to make sure she got food she liked.

AND SO DID THE OP.

(We have fish fingers in our freezer not because it's all our DS will eat but because we quite like them and they are quick and nutritious. Sadly they are now getting near their use-by date because it turns out he doesn't like them.

Oh I vaguely remember the pesto debate CorusKate. The homemade kind can have plenty of cheese and pine nuts in, so it's higher in protein than the shop stuff.

Similar situation to the Original Poster. Tried something. Intentions were good. It didn't work. No great harm done but a slight sense of disappointment nonetheless.

OP is coming across even worse than before, if that is even possible.

I meal plan in general. DH cooks a couple of meals a week that he decides on, otherwise I do it.

We eat home cooked meals that I make, and easy meals like spag bol or curry that DH makes using sauces/packets.

However, in my freezer I have a bag of nuggets, a box of fish fingers, a bag of potato waffles and a box of chicken burgers - none of which we eat. We also keep simple kitchen cupboard staples like tinned beans, hotdog sausages, sweetcorn and tuna.

Why? Because DD has friends that like them and I am a good host.

When I picked up DDs friend this morning I said to her "we are having roast chicken for dinner with new potatoes and green beans, will you eat that?" Her reply was "No, not really" so I said "I could pop in some nuggets and waffles for you if you want, it's no trouble" and she said "Yes please, do you have sweetcorn?"

Placing 6 chicken nuggets and 2 potato waffles on a tray in the top of the oven whilst the chicken is resting, and microwaving a tin of sweetcorn is NOT going to cause me any trouble at all. Had she not have wanted that I could have offered hot dogs, beans on toast, tuna sweetcorn pasta, jacket spud and so on. None of which would have been an issue.

The conversation took 5 minutes in the car. The girls are currently doing homework projects and will watch TV later. I'll get off my fat arse to prepare dinner shortly and we will sit down together, happily, at 4.

DDs friend will go home, happy and well fed (and with her homework completed!) at 6. She will come back whenever she wants and I'll be pleased to have her.

LtEve, not having chicken nuggets in the freezer on the off-chance does not make OP unreasonable. Why should you fill your freezer with stuff that may never get eaten?

zzzzz, where did OP say she would never have children with special needs or disabilities? I suspect that if her DD wanted to have such children round she would do what she did here - ask the mother what they would eat and have a few alternatives available.

My freezer isn't 'filled with the stuff'. One bag of 12 chicken nuggets, 1 box of 12 fish fingers, 1 box of 4 chicken burgers and a box of 8 waffles takes us less space than the freezer drawer in an undercounter fridge.

If I didn't have them, I could have popped to the Tesco express on the way home and got them.

Bloody hell, is thinking about someone other than yourself a bad thing these days?

No, icimoi, the OP was told the child liked pizza, not home-made pizza. They are very different, especially to a child, a point that has been made by numerous PPs.

Would never have chicken nuggets in my freezer, but would have free range chicken breasts which could be converted to nuggets if necessary though.

(Stilll obsessing re home-made pasta pesto. The former uses fresh eggs - so additional protein there too.)

Kids prefer one brand of cereal over another? Really?! It would never occur to me - I just buy from wherever and they eat!

Well lucky you!

YANBU to be supremely ignorant of special ends and food-related anxiety but YABVU to suggest that this is necessarily due to poor parenting.

For God's sake, the OP asked the girl's mum what she liked, she was told pizza, gave the child pizza which was then rejected along with a range of other snacks. I don't think it's reasonable to expect people to keep a range of foods in the house that they don't eat themselves in the offchance that a fussy eater comes to tea.

icimoi:

"And OP has not said she doesn't plan to tell her DD."

OP:

"Of course I haven't said anything to my dd. Why would I?"

If that's not saying she has no plans to tell her DD, I don't know what is.

If I didn't have them, I could have popped to the Tesco express on the way home and got them.

But why would you do this if you've already been told the child likes pizza and you've got pizza lined up?

Peach salsa is salsa made with peaches.
obviously.
The clue is in the name. Peach salsa. Get it?

Isn't there a food thread you can flounce off to, katy?

Don't forget to take your saucer of milk with you.

"Of course I haven't said anything to my dd. Why would I?"

If that's not saying she has no plans to tell her DD, I don't know what is.

No, that's saying she hasn't told her DD yet. She doesn't yet know whether DD wants friend to sleep over again, or whether friend will want to do so. It's very early days.