to give up trying to feed this child?

[ankar]

We had dd's best friend for a sleepover last night. The girls are both 8. My dd has done quite a few sleepovers before but her friend started only recently - a mixture of not wanting to initially and then wanting to but her mum being too anxious about it. Anyhow...she was finally allowed to come and it mostly went fine, the girls got along well and even did some sleeping.

However....this child would not eat anything! We really tried and had them make their own pizzas, decorate biscuits and offered lots of general snacks like fruit, yoghurt, crackers etc. She refused everything at first but then later on was obviously really hungry as she did eat a couple of pieces of apple, but that was all she would eat. I just kind of shrugged to begin with and thought she wasn't hungry, but then I realised that she was, but she wouldn't eat our food.

In the morning I made pancakes which she also refused. She looked at the plate and said "I don't like them". By then I was worried but also a bit fed up of offering different things for her to turn her nose up at, so I just said "Well that's a pity" and didn't offer anything else. When her mum just came to pick her up she asked how things went and I said fine but she didn't want to eat anything so I hope she's not coming down with something as she seemed to have no appetite. The mum looked at me quite cross but didn't say anything, then on the way to the car I heard the girl asking if they could pick up pizza on the way home as she was starving!

What could I have done and should I have offered her something else in the morning?

Have you told your DD yet that her best friend isn't going to be invited for any more sleepovers OP?

I will not have her back for a sleepover. There are plenty of other easy kids we can have instead

But presumably none of these is your DD's best friend? (And you still haven't said how you are going to explain this to your DD).

Well done, OP - as PP have said, you've got one over on an 8-year-old child, as well as your DD. Have a pat on the back.

Katie do you only have one type of food in your house at a time?

Do you not have a fridge/freezer/cupboards?! Of course people have 4 differnt types of food in at one time!

Katie do you only have one type of food in your house at a time?

Do you not have a fridge/freezer/cupboards?! Of course people have 4 differnt types of food in at one time!

You sound so very smug OP because your kids will eat everything you prepare, kids aren't robots and I really don't see why you gave a problem asking a guest 8 year old what they would like to eat, never mind your own kids, it's normal to me to ask mine what they would like for dinner at times, especially weekends. I don't need to be be in control if what they eat for every meal, and yes it's usually home made stuff they ask for like pie, lasagne, curries etc.

I inwardly haven't quite forgiven the same friend of daughter for over-eating a Chinese takeaway one night she was sleeping over and vomiting profusely over an (unfortunately pale) carpet at 3 am

Sorry to derail, but seriously, Marianne?

You never thought she might have been ill and deeply embarrassed? And you still haven't forgiven her?

I don't think I'd forgive anyone for inviting me over for dinner and serving pasta and pesto, home-made or otherwise

Wow, interesting thread! The OP sounds very judgy!

My dd is 8 and isn't a fussy eater at all, but lots of her friends are. It's no big deal. As far as I'm concerned, dd's friends are our guests and we want them to have a good time at our house, so yes, I do go out of my way to ensure that they are properly catered for. Just as I would for any adult guests.

outraged - I menuplan/budget for the week ahead and do my weekly shop on a Saturday, so yes - I wouldn't have a wide range of choices available on a Friday night (which I think OP was talking about). Surely this isn't unusual - is it?
Oh well, it works for us... We don't have unlimited resources and the freezer can be a bit bare of things other than frozen sweetcorn and mozzerella sticks on a Friday night.
And as I said before - we don't have bread in the house on a Saturday morning either!

fruit yogurt and crackers are NOT an alternative to Pizza, snacks are NOT an alternative to dinner!!

They are if the child has been offered dinner and refuses. Or do you take the view, Crystal, that OP should have had two or three alternative dinners on offer?

Of course I haven't said anything to my dd. Why would I? Chances are the subject of her friend coming over won't come up for ages.

I don't have endless food options in my house actually. I keep pasta, rice etc but meal plan every week so wouldn't have spare meat or veg to hand. I never have any frozen ready-made food like nuggets - just wouldn't occur to me to buy that. I buy the ingredients for fresh, healthy, tasty meals and will not be spending money on extra meal options in case a child does not like the first option. Starting from scratch with an alternative meal option would be a considerable amount of work and I asked if pizza was ok anyway.

However I have already said that in the same situation I would offer something else in the morning but I am explaining why I did not (rightly or wrongly) and also my reasons for not being happy about doing that.

I still can't understand why the its considered acceptable that the response to an anxious, food refusing child is to get the hump and restrict their breakfast choice.
"morning pickle, hope you slept well, what would you like for breakfast?"
See? Easy peasy.

Not so easy if what pickle would like is fast food pizza, or indeed something that you haven't got.

And to those who are so disgusted by pancakes....I have never had a kid refuse them before so it seemed like a very sensible option for breakfast. Apparently I should have realised that lots of kids don't like them (not any I've met).

Whew! Glad I am not the only one who doesn't have a huge array of various foodstuffs (including bread for toast) just sitting there on the off-chance that one of them might just tempt the palate of a visiting child.

Could the issue with the child be that she was used to ready-meals or processed/frozen food (like the pizza she demanded from her mother)and didn't want to eat freshly prepared food because she wasn't used to it/didn't like it because it didn't have enough sugar/salt in it? In which case, as you cook from scratch, you were on a hiding to nothing.

Outraged: Giles it's really not that complicated. You ask them what they want from 3/4 choices.

You must be joking. Since when did running a sleepover mean operating a hotel menu? If you went to dinner, would you expect your host to do that? In this case, however, the OP actually did go to the trouble to ask whether the child would eat pizza and was told yes, with no reservations.

When entertaining children, you are perfectly entitled to assume they will eat the normal range of child-friendly food unless their parents say otherwise.

I think she certainly is used to certain foods over others but from what I've seen and what her mum has told me the issue is not confined to eating. It's hard to put my finger on but they have a weird dynamic and the mum seems almost scared to upset her dd.

brdgrl
Nail on head.

I honestly wouldn't have thought that pancakes would be a problem either. Chances are id not have anything the kid would eat tbh. I don't have milk or cheese in te house and we have bread maker bread. Flora and dairy free spread would be all that's available so cooking pancakes so kids wouldn't taste the milk alternative which they would notice on cereal is exactly what I would do.

U less of course is been told otherwise that she would only eat cereal.

I too don't have anything like nuggets or fish fingers in my freezer to be able to whip up a quick alternative. And I don't use jarred sauces either so if I had no freezer stash of tomato pasta sauce then I couldn't offer that either.

Oh and I have aldi cereal which people frequently say their kids won't eat.

Kids prefer one brand of cereal over another? Really?! It would never occur to me - I just buy from wherever and they eat!

We also meal plan every week. If we have an unexpected extra person for tea, I explain the I haven't got much food in and we do our best with that (my DCs are teenagers so slightly different).

But if you know in advance that you have a guest coming, surely you cater for them? Or do you open the cupboard door and say, "It's spaghetti hoops for tea - like it or lump it?"

Seems odd to be so organised you meal plan but are caught out by a guest you know about in advance

I don't think it's unreasonable of OP to say she won't have this child for a sleepover again, nor do I interpret it as some sort of act of spite or revenge on her part as some people seem to do. It seems to me perfectly sensible: for whatever reason, this child doesn't seem to like eating other people's food, and she's not going to enjoy a sleepover if she's going hungry. OP clearly hasn't said that the child will never darken her door again.

Kids prefer one brand of cereal over another? Really?! It would never occur to me - I just buy from wherever and they eat!

You don't seriously expect us to believe that, do you, OP?