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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to think this is a bit wtf ??

179 replies

motherofmonster · 16/05/2014 14:02

Have had lunch with my friend today and was telling her that i had managed to get a week in the summer hols for me and ds at a caravan.
She asked how big it was (3 bed) and straight away launched into how it was too big for just the two of us and that wouldnt it be great if her and her 4dc came with us as we would have the spare room.
Now i know that this point it is not unreasonable, but quick as a flash she said how great it would be for the kids to have a holiday as she couldnt afford to take them.
I stupidly then said ' well it would work out cheaper if we split the cost i suppose and the kids would have fun ect' that was that.
Ive got home and she has sent me a text saying how she is gutted that she has been asked to pay as after all i have already booked and paid and it wouldnt cost me anything as after all there is room to spare, so she doesnt see what difference it will make her not paying, and that i am being very selfish.

Guess i was just a bit gobsmacked, so aibu?? just didnt see it coming to be honest. i suppose it wouldnt cost much more, just the extra bed linin ect.

OP posts:
OxfordBags · 16/05/2014 15:01

Don't make up a lie or excuse for her not to come, just tell her it's not happening. No real friend would ever suggest that to you in the first place, never mind get the hump with you. Don't allow yourself to be treated like a twat, for god's sake. If she gets angrier with you, then good, because you are well rid of a user like her.

diddl · 16/05/2014 15:03

Five extra in a caravan-sounds like hell!!

How are you selfish-the people you are paying get the money!

And she even suggested that she had 2 rooms, you had one & she shouldn't have to pay!!

Words fail me!

RedRoom · 16/05/2014 15:08

Woah. Quite genuinely did a bit of an intake of breath for this particular AIBU! Er, no. You are not. She, however, is absolutely extracting the Michael. Inviting herself on your holiday and expecting you to put up an extra five people without so much as a fiver's contribution! I wouldn't find a holiday with someone else's four kids very relaxing. She is a selfish, cheeky moo!

MaxPepsi · 16/05/2014 15:08

As everyone else has said, she's a cheeky bitch.

I managed to get a last minute holiday last year. A week in a log cabin in Scotland. It slept about 10 people. 2 of us went.

If any of my friends had said, oh you don't need all that space I'll come too and I've laughed at them, if they had suggested not contributing and I've told them to fuck off!

pictish · 16/05/2014 15:08

Seriously...a week in a caravan with another family would send me demented. Four kids...you'd never get a single second of peace or relaxation. Not one.

There is so much nope all over this, I just can't even believe it.

FrequentFlyerRandomDent · 16/05/2014 15:09

If you feel feeble, PM me her numb, I will say no for you. Grin

Another tip for handling users is to ask them favours they have to complete first:
It would be lovely. But so that we know each other, you pay for the caravan for a week in the half term holiday for all of us, if it goes well, I do the same in the summer.

wannaBe · 16/05/2014 15:09

actually I would say "Actually, I'd thought that given there are five of you and only two of us it would have been a great way for me to afford a holiday as you would have been paying two thirds of it. you know, given that the bulk of the cost will be yours." ..

seriously though I would tell her honestly that "actually I would have thought that any friend would never even think that not paying was an option. let's just leave it then." and then I would cool the friendship.

RedRoom · 16/05/2014 15:11

Fucking hell. Just saw that one of them is 14. She has got to be kidding. This may well the most reasonable AIBU of the year.

ColdTeaAgain · 16/05/2014 15:14

YANBU!

My gob is smacked! Do you really need friends like this OP?

Just be honest and say sorry but you'd planned this trip so you could have some quality time just you and your son.

Goldmandra · 16/05/2014 15:27

Think carefully before making an excuse. You may just end up with her trying to get you to change things to suit her.

You will have a better time in the future if you just tell her straight that you have reconsidered and would prefer to enjoy your one to one time with your DS on this occasion.

No further explanation or justification is needed. Don't let her believe that you wanted to do it but circumstances have made it difficult. Make sure she knows that you are choosing not to do this.

lougle · 16/05/2014 15:30

"Actually, the caravan is a perfect size after all. It means that DC and I can have a bedroom each and the third room can be his playroom for the week so I can relax without all his toys around. "

MaxPepsi · 16/05/2014 15:30

In fact reply, thanks for letting me know your true feelings.

Upon reflection I think I got caught up in the moment and said yes without thinking it through fully.

I need this time away with just DS and myself. It's the first time since me and his dad split that we've been away and he deserves my undivided attention.

picnicbasketcase · 16/05/2014 15:31

Fucking incredible how rude people can be.

Definitely tell her you've downsized and don't have the extra room anymore if that's what you feel comfortable with to get out of this.

Atbeckandcall · 16/05/2014 15:34

ShockShockShockShockShockShockShockShockShockShockShockShock

YAB Ssssoooooooooo (roll eyes whilst saying "so") U!

You are a meanie pants OP. You've worked really hard and paid for a lovely little holibobs for you and ds and yes seeing as you're not going to be any further out of pocket why can't her and her 4 dc come along. I mean good grief!

Oh no.

Wait.

Sorry, I got sucked into Opposite Universe.

Tell her go forth and multiply (but use condoms this time as she's clearly can't afford anymore children).

DownstairsMixUp · 16/05/2014 15:36

Don't lie to her, tell her the truth! I cannot believe people like this actually exist!

Thumbwitch · 16/05/2014 15:37

FUck me, what a freeloader! Dump her sorry arse, asap! It won't just be the caravan, it'll be the food, the outings, everything! Like everyone else I am utterly gobsmacked at the sheer bloody neck of the woman! ShockAngry

BackforGood · 16/05/2014 15:37

YAsooooooNBU.
I'm Shock Shock Shock at her brass neck, tbh.

Agree with those saying don't lie to her - just say that when you offered, you hadn't really thought it through, but now you have, you can't see that it would work, so the offer is withdrawn.

SlimJiminy · 16/05/2014 15:49
Shock

Cheeky mare.

Absolutely no chance I would let this happen. And any friend who spoke to me like that would swiftly become a former friend. Tell her straight that you and DS will be going on your own and avoid contact with the freeloader. She's taking the absolute piss.

HazleNutt · 16/05/2014 15:57

"But I was already counting on you paying 5/7 of the costs! No, wait, why don't you pay all of it then, and I'll come as well. I mean you're paying anyway, so it's not like us being there costs you anything. Don't want to? How selfish!"

BuzzardBird · 16/05/2014 16:01

Tell her to do one, just to see the look on her face. I have a feeling that no-one has ever said no to her. Grin

Remember, just 'no' and nothing else. No explanation required.

nauticant · 16/05/2014 16:02

I'd also say don't lie.

I discussed this with my DP/DH and we both decided that we'd stick with our original plan.

angelos02 · 16/05/2014 16:02

"But I was already counting on you paying 5/7 of the costs! No, wait, why don't you pay all of it then, and I'll come as well. I mean you're paying anyway, so it's not like us being there costs you anything. Don't want to? How selfish!" yy to this.

I'd just get rid of her as a friend. She sounds nuts.

Cocolepew · 16/05/2014 16:02

Cheeky fucker.
Telk her where to get off.

RedRoom · 16/05/2014 16:04

I think we all agree on this one then! She's a cheeky, grabbing, selfish holiday vaglodger.

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 16/05/2014 16:06

wow... just wow.

yeah if this is not the first time she has invited herself and then freeloaded then unless there was some other serious reciprocation I would be thinking very careful about ditching her. What are you getting out of this friendship? Is it worth the lack of respect and boundaries?