To "let myself go"...?

[Verynovicegardener]

I recently turned fourty.

Over a period of about five years, I have....

Stopped wearing a bra unless 100% necessary ie flimsy see through dress etc

Let at least 2 inches of grey come through on my roots before reluctantly putting a home dye on it.

Don't care anymore that I am too fat, tried so many times to lose it and not fat enough to kill me I hope ( few stone overweight)

Hardly ever buy clothes, partly due to lack of cash but also I just cannot be arsed.

For context I spent wetware puberty and 35 being very concerned with clothes, hair, fashion etc but to be honest, am now with DP who himself is not a very romantic individual ( he wasn't even when I was a pert and well groomed size eight!) whatnis actually the point?!

My mum is lovely but has made a few comments along the line of I mustn't let myself go!

It's your decision OP, but for me if I look like crap I feel like crap, so I tend to make an effort with my appearance. My lovely Mum who died a few years ago always made an effort and looked nice. So I think I learned from her the importance of looking after yourself. The older I'm getting the harder it is and I do not have a huge budget, but I get my hair done, treat myself to clothes sometimes, attend dentist check ups, paint my toe nails, have long baths and I walk everywhere. All small things that make me feel good. Perhaps give it a go and see how you feel, if it's not for you, you can always go back to how you are. Oh, meant to say the only time I'm braless is in bed, I need all the help I can get.

Unfortunately, we live in a highly judgemental society and youth/physical beauty is prized highly. It's ridiculous and changes over time. In the 18th century, pallor and plumpness was though highly desirable. In the court of George II, the ladies ate to extreme in the hope that the King might cast his eye in them, and consider them mistress material. A tan showed you were a manual worker outdoors. Now, a tan equals something different.

If you're happy, and it doesn't come across that you are, really. Carry on and be comfortable. If not. Do something to change.

You spend longer looking at your garden than you do looking at yourself in the mirror, so if you're happier working away in the garden on a Saturday afternoon than you would be trudging round clothes shops and sitting in the hairdresser, be happy!!

Being fat is pretty normal now, nothing interesting or odd.'

Yes but that doesn't mean its healthy or desirable does it??! Many people do not feel attractive thus good about themselves when they are overweight. For the vast majority of people it is not a good look not to mention the health issues (it makes a pregnancy high risk fgs!) its very inappropriate and irresponsible to talk about 'being fat' in the way you have. Its not 'normal'.

Being fat is NOT normal

noddyholder that was what a poster stated at the beginning of the thread. Its very damaging to propagate being fat as normal.

How old are your kids op?

As a kid my dad dressed like a tramp, he'd wear paint splattered and torn clothes around the house all the time. The pretext being that he was doing DIY, but he'd wear these clothes all of the time.

It would be fucking mortifying as a teenager to bring friends around and find him sat there in a pair of frayed jeans with a busted zip or a shirt from the 70s, two sizes too small and with half a can of dulux splashed over it.

In fact I deliberately avoided bringing new friends to the house in case word got round at school that 'compos dad is a scutter' or got labelled in the same terms by association.

Be aware that it may expose your childen to cruel taunts from their peers.

Such a dangerous message.

To be fair to the op, she has tried to lose weight several times. It is not easy to keep it off for good.

yes I agree but the OP wasn't the one stating its normal to be fat.

There are several very supportiveweight loss chat threads along various lines such as with exercise, without exercise, and one in the food/recipe board about eating well for life, if you are interested at all.