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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To "let myself go"...?

136 replies

Verynovicegardener · 16/05/2014 12:51

I recently turned fourty.

Over a period of about five years, I have....

Stopped wearing a bra unless 100% necessary ie flimsy see through dress etc

Let at least 2 inches of grey come through on my roots before reluctantly putting a home dye on it.

Don't care anymore that I am too fat, tried so many times to lose it and not fat enough to kill me I hope ( few stone overweight)

Hardly ever buy clothes, partly due to lack of cash but also I just cannot be arsed.

For context I spent wetware puberty and 35 being very concerned with clothes, hair, fashion etc but to be honest, am now with DP who himself is not a very romantic individual ( he wasn't even when I was a pert and well groomed size eight!) whatnis actually the point?!

My mum is lovely but has made a few comments along the line of I mustn't let myself go!

OP posts:
Montegomongoose · 16/05/2014 20:00

Do you work? Are you representing an organisation? What do your DCs (if any) think?

I believe people pick up unconscious signals and that if you don't care or respect yourself enough to be presentable, then why should they?

It's interesting watching reactions to someone fairly well groomed saying something versus someone who has 'let themselves go.'

Personally, I respect myself, at last, and I fought long and hard to get here in the face of some grim stuff.

Taking pride in how I present myself and care for myself goes much much deeper than many people care to admit.

ThePinkOcelot · 16/05/2014 20:23

Wow, really, why have you just let yourself go?

everlong · 16/05/2014 20:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Almostfifty · 16/05/2014 22:07

I am in my early fifties. I look, am fitter and feel better than I ever have.

My grandparents lived to their eighties/nineties and my parents are well on their way to that. I figure if I don't want to be like them (diabetic, ill, unfit for most of their lives) I need to keep myself fit and healthy now, so that life won't bite me in the bum when I'm older. I don't want to end up being on medication for life.

That's why I'm fit and healthy. That's why I exercise, don't drink to excess and why I don't look my age. I'm not one for plastering myself in make-up, but I do like to look smart.

Oh I forgot one thing. My DM never, ever looked tidy. It was extremely embarrassing in the sixties, though I think anything goes these days. That's another reason I dress well.

Joules68 · 17/05/2014 00:36

It's not even hard to look good...

Chottie · 17/05/2014 03:39

If it suits you fine, TBH I could not do this.

Gennz · 17/05/2014 05:50

40 is still so young. It would feel like giving up to me. I'm 32 and I think I look better than I did at 20, despite being a bit heavier and more wrinkled - I know what suits me and I have a bit more money to spend on good haircuts etc. I'm definitely not high maintenance, have never had a manicure in my life, but if I didn't make an effort to do my hair & put on a bit of slap I'd feel grim.

fatlazymummy · 17/05/2014 08:29

I agree, 40 is still young. I am 54 and am certainly not ready for the knackers yard yet.
Whilst I don't wear make up or have things like manicures or spray tans, I do still control my weight, look after my skin, buy new clothes (very cheaply) and dye my hair.

fatlazymummy · 17/05/2014 08:32

And I agree with almostfifty concerning looking after my health. A good post.The older you get, the more important it becomes.

McFox · 17/05/2014 08:52

I have to be honest; going without a bra at 40, greying and generally not making an effort while being overweight sounds absolutely grim to me. Just why would you? I don't get it.

I'm 1 year younger than you, and I take pride in my appearance. In fact I was told last night, at 38 weeks pregnant that I'm "so glamorous, the very definition of a yummy mummy."

I would never, ever feel happy doing what you're doing. To me it sounds like you are resigned in your OP, before saying "oh but I'm actually ok with it, honest guv!" in subsequent posts.

If you are truly comfortable in your own skin then fair enough, but that's not the impression that you're giving. It just surprises me that anyone might feel this way at 40. Don't get me wrong, I'm on the curvy side myself, but I dress well, take pride in doing my hair nicely etc. it's not about weight, it's about attitude.

The way that you are treating, or more accurately not treating, your body would suggest to me that you have no self esteem and no pride, and I'm afraid to say that I would naturally respond quite negatively to that.

whatever5 · 17/05/2014 09:41

Whether or not you look after your appearance is up to you but it's a bit sad that it seems to depend on whether or not your DP is appreciates you. Most people try to look reasonable for themselves not their partner.

I was going to say that I don't take much pride in my appearance nowadays which is true to some extent as I can't look as good as I did 20 years ago. However, thinking about it I do go to the hairdressers regularly, exercise and eat quite healthily. I never go out without some make up on either. I want to give others the impression that I'm well.

Joysmum · 17/05/2014 11:10

I personally see those who take a lot of prode in appearance as less likely to have high self esteem than those that don't.

Those that don't are happy in their own skin, those that do feel dissatisfied with themselves so they need to 'improve' on what they have.

I fall somewhere inbetween as I'm not into hair makeup nails clothes etc but I do shave and get my hair done 4 times a year.

Suzannewithaplan · 17/05/2014 11:26

It's completely up to you OP, but others may make assumptions if you don't conform to certain standards of appearance and/or personal hygiene.

I care rather a lot about my appearance and am a bit of a health fanatic, but that's just my way of expressing myself, I don't judge others who choose differently.
Do what makes you happy

LividofLondon · 17/05/2014 13:21

Just don't let yourself go too far OP or one day you might wake up and realise that instead of being comfortable in your own skin you're horrified that you look like Waynetta SlobShock Wink Or perhaps more importantly that your self esteem has taken a nose-dive because you are no longer happy in your own skin due to having put no effort into it for years Sad

To "let myself go"...?
PrimalLass · 17/05/2014 13:37

I've just turned 40 and have gone the other way. I am taking more care of my appearance and losing weight. I'd rather feel fab for my remaining years.

DavidArchersBoa · 17/05/2014 14:13

I thought of you last night OP. In the pub was a lady about your (and mine!) age wearing a sun dress and no bra. It looked awful. Just awful. She looked like, as my mother would say "a bag of rags tied up in the middle". I know I'll probably get flamed for judging / being rude about another person's appearance but I just wanted to counter your assertion

"My boobs are only 36 C so maybe that's why I have gotten away with not wearing bras"

because believe me, you're not "getting away with it"

alemci · 17/05/2014 14:21

I am 46 and I think the older you get the more hard work it is.

you will feel more positive if you buy a decent bra and do your hair. are you in work? I think that makes a difference.

Original poster
Verynovicegardener · 17/05/2014 15:20

Lol at Wayne and Waynetta slob!!!! I don't plan on seeing that reflection in the mirror believe me!!

A few people of commented on whether I work, and of so how I must be seen by those I work with. As said previously I do shower and wAsh hair daily, and in fact do use a small amount of makeup to correct what I perceive to be imperfections, definately don't aim for glamour however.
I am a professional but Ina. Field which is very accepting of 'difference' and into looking past the packaging to the person inside ( won't out myself by saying what exactly) oddly despite my non interest in myself physically people do still compliment me on my clothes etc so it can't be all bad.

OP posts:
DavidArchersBoa · 17/05/2014 15:23

YOU NEED TO WEAR A BRA!!

You seem to ignore all the comments that say you do!

mytwoblackandwhitecats · 17/05/2014 16:15

she doesn't "need" to wear a bra because you might not like it if she doesn't, david Hmm

how rude.

Original poster
Verynovicegardener · 17/05/2014 16:21

Exactly David, if it bothers you so much perhaps don't spend time dwelling or thinking about these dreadful "bags or rags" !!

OP posts:
everlong · 17/05/2014 16:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DavidArchersBoa · 17/05/2014 17:04

Lol I expected a much fiercer flaming than that! Grin

I can assure you I don't spend my time dwelling on such things.

Of course I don't expect the op to change her ways on my say so. I was merely pointing out that if she thinks she's "gotten away" with not wearing bra because nobody will notice she is, in fact, wrong.

If she decides to continue to go without then of course that's her prerogative, but at least she no longer does so labouring under the misapprehension that nobody notices. Because they do

My mother (her again) is always a great believer in the importance of "foundation garments" and I have to say that the older I get, the more I agree.

kinsorange · 17/05/2014 17:29

Not sure that you have let yourself go much at all op.

noddyholder · 17/05/2014 17:36

David you appear to not know the difference between 'knowing' something as fact and just having an (absurd) opinion.