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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To think all the best and most precious times have gone?

111 replies

Neverwasacornflakegirl · 13/05/2014 08:00

My friend had a baby this morning and whilst I'm pleased for her it's bittersweet because my own ds is nearly 5 and we can't have anymore children.
All those early days are so precious and all those milestones -first smile, first word, first steps, the simple joy small children have.

I feel like all the best times now with ds are over, already he wants to be with his friends rather than me and he is also going through a wearing phase (please god let it be a phase) of wanting to play fight all the time. All the magical times seem to have gone and there doesn't seem much left to look forward to.

Aibu to think basically the most special part of his childhood is gone?

OP posts:

Sirzy · 13/05/2014 08:03

Yabu.

DS is 4.5 and if anything I would say this is the most precious time of his childhood so far. He is old enough to want to do things, to have a conversation and a giggle with. He is great company and I am already looking forward to out planned days out over summer.

londonrach · 13/05/2014 08:04

You are entering the best times and leaving the hard work behind. All those crafts you can do, nature walks, museum visits....you will see your ds personal interests appear.. Each stage is interesting, just enjoy it..

Delphiniumsblue · 13/05/2014 08:05

The time you are at is the most precious- don't waste it by looking back.

libertytrainers · 13/05/2014 08:05

nooo! there are lots of good times to come really! don't underestimate how much fun teenagers are

VerucaInTheNutRoom · 13/05/2014 08:06

I have a son the same age, OP, and I try to take pleasure from his growing independence and accomplishments, not matter how minor. I also remember the nights with very little sleep, the weaning, the toilet training, etc! It also helps that he's still a cuddly little thing but I'm not sure how long this will last.

treaclesoda · 13/05/2014 08:08

I do know what you mean, and it's hard but believe me there are more precious times to come.

You leave some behind and you gain others. It's not better or worse, it's different.

Cereal0ffender · 13/05/2014 08:08

Nonsense, it just gets better. Snap out if it!

ZenNudist · 13/05/2014 08:10

Are you always so pessimistic? There's so many good years of your dc's childhood to enjoy. I also am not wishing my life away but plan to enjoy life when my dc are older and not mourn the passing of childhood but celebrate them growing up. I don't want to go backwards in life.

Think you need an attitude adjustment!

enderwoman · 13/05/2014 08:10

Totally disagree OP.

There are loads of great times ahead. First time you share an album/book/film you love, first time he tells you a joke, first time he makes you a cup of coffee, first sports match....

Weegiemum · 13/05/2014 08:13

I'm having the time of my life with my 3dc - who are 10, 12 and 14. They're fun, interesting, lovely to be with.

You've so many other "firsts" to come.

And all 3 of mine still come into bed for a cuddle or squash me half to death sit on my knee if we're watching tv.

Unexpected · 13/05/2014 08:13

I think it's quite sad to think like this. Aged 5, there is still so much to look forward to - I celebrated my children's growing independence, starting to play sports and cheering them on, ditto with musical instruments, exam success, being able to have a "proper" conversation with them etc etc. I have just celebrated a "significant" birthday with my teenage sons and loved that they both independently bought me cards and presents from their Saturday job money, that one made me a cake while I was at work and hid it, that we could go out for an expensive lunch and everyone was happy to sit around the table for almost two hours chatting.

Honestly, as someone else said now is always the most previous time.

WooWooOwl · 13/05/2014 08:13

I remember feeling like that, but now my dc are older I don't.

I find that there's something special stage where you can start to have real conversations about real life things. It's fascinating hearing your own children come up with intelligent opinions about things, the most recent thing that comes to mind is a conversation I had with my 11yo about Scottish independence.

It's really lovely being able to enjoy the same things as your dc on the same sort of level as them, where you are sharing things rather than doing something aimed at young children and then only enjoying it because of the pleasure you see them getting out of it. I mean days out that are suitable for all ages, rather than things like soft play or farm parks.

I'm also really enjoying being able to introduce them to adult hobbies I have and go on holidays that aren't child centred.

I do completely understand what you mean, but I don't think the 'specialness' disappears, it just changes into something else.

Mutley77 · 13/05/2014 08:13

god yes, I thought you were going to say your DS is 18!!! I love love love the times with my children now - my DD1 is aged 9 and my DS is 5 - we have such good times with them and I have to keep stopping myself from wishing time could stand still here.. Is so nice IMO to spend time with them as real people and not have to be responsible for their every need.

I also have another DD who is nearly 1 and I do have to stop myself wishing her life away a little bit :( I just want her to be 3 and a little bit independent, much as I love how cute she is now.....

dingit · 13/05/2014 08:14

Yanbu! Mine are teens, and I feel I blinked and missed all those years. I know I have lots to look forward to, but sometimes I don't feel I appreciated the baby years enough!
You are lucky to have a ds though, he will always give you cuddles

OnaPromise · 13/05/2014 08:15

I found the baby bit hard so I don't particularly miss it. You sound sad, though, like perhaps this goes deeper than just a wee bit of broodiness.

Delphiniumsblue · 13/05/2014 08:16

It is viewing him as a doll. Being a parent is the one job that you make yourself redundant- give them roots and give them wings and they always come back. Rejoice in all the first things- they don't stop!

lechers · 13/05/2014 08:16

Absolutely not!

My DDs are 7 and 10, and the past few years have been my best with them. I found as they got older, they developed their personalities that I've started just enjoying time with them as people, rather than being the care provider iyswim. For example, going to the cinema and meal is now enjoyable, and we sit around chatting, them telling me jokes, talking about stuff etc and actually enjoying that rather than running after them, trying to get them to sit down long enough whilst I shoved some food into their mouths.

Every stage is different, and has its own highs and lows. Embrace each new stage, and you'll be surprised by the new highs it can bring.

(Btw, I though the preschoolers stage was the worst for me - lost the cuteness of a newborn, but still bloody hard work )

Delphiniumsblue · 13/05/2014 08:20

My youngest is 23yrs and they are all great fun to be with as adults!

wintertimeisfun · 13/05/2014 08:21

i understand where you are coming from op. it has everything to do with not being able to have any more children/not having completed your family. i have just the one dd who is 11 and have moments when i feel like that BUT there is still so much love and fun times to be had, enjoy what you have!!

maudpringles · 13/05/2014 08:24

I thought when our dd's were younger that I dreaded them growing up but now they have I bloody love it.
We have such a good laugh and chat about all sorts.
Plus, they offer to make you a cuppa

TheWordFactory · 13/05/2014 08:26

YABU!!! You have so much to look forward to OP. Don't end up as one of those women who prefer babies to cogent young people. I always wonder about them... Do they just like being in charge?

JohnnyBarthes · 13/05/2014 08:27

YABVVVVVU

HTH.

ETC.

TitusFlavius · 13/05/2014 08:28

YABU. Don't waste what you have now by regretting what is gone.

I understand where you are coming from. I wanted loads of kids, but stopped at one, and I adored having a newborn (for all that it was a hellish, sleepless, ill time for me). I sometimes look at pic of DS when he was tiny and miss him so much, even though Big!DS is sitting right there next to me on the sofa. I also miss him being five, as he was so adorable then, so curious and so delighted by everything. And my DS is 12 - I sometimes have a pang of missing him in advance, as it's only a few short years before I am not the most important thing in his life and he buggers off out into the world, whereas he will always be the most important thing in mine.

But - he's a blast to spend time with, now. He wants to spend all his time on his laptop, of course, giggling over skype with his friends and playing minecraft, but that means I have a bit of guilt-free time for myself. And when I do peel him off his laptop, we have such a lot of fun together. I can make him laugh SO MUCH, and that is a source of constant joy to me. And I can take him to things that aren't Peppa Pig-based! I took him to a (grown-up) lecture at [insert name of august institution] the other day, and he asked me this morning "when's the next lecture?" That is a thing to be celebrated, when you can introduce him to stuff that you enjoy, as well as learning to love the things that he enjoys! And I will never have to sit through "SpongeBob: the musical" ever, ever again (though no doubt I've got worse to come as he progresses through his teens, though he'll soon be big enough to go with his mates and not me).

Dear OP, cuddle your friend's newborn, and then hand it back, secure in the knowledge that you will be getting a full night's sleep tonight. Then go and hug your own baby. He is still your baby at 5. He will still be your baby when he is thirty.

Fairylea · 13/05/2014 08:28

I think you have to embrace each stage for what it is. I have an 11 year old and a 2 year old and enjoy both ages differently. It's wonderful to be able to have proper conversations with your child as they become older and doing things with them becomes so easy and enjoyable. Much better than when they are tiny and have tantrums every 10 minutes when you don't do what they want to do! But the little stage is lovely too. It's all lovely.

PaulinesPen · 13/05/2014 08:30

Yabu. It's not what they are (ie a baby) It's who they are and you will have the joy of discovering first hand this person as he grows and changes and flies. It's incredible. And ongoing.

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