i told SIL that she was in the worng

[itsnotmereally]

Namechanged because I know people on this in real-life.

SIL (DHs sister) is going on holiday her and her DH and their DCs who are in secondary school.
She is going on holiday this week during school time. It has been booked for months. We have discussed it before and everyone warned her that they probably wouldn't authorise the absence.She just shrugged us off saying they would and she won't have to pay the fine.
I saw her today and she was very pleased with herself. The absence had been authorised because she told them that her mother had cancer and they had to see her.
She even told her DCs to act extra sad and maybe mention it to their teachers.

I said that was an awful thing to lie about and encouraging her DCs to do it was even worse.
She sighed and looked at me like I was an idiot ,and said I don't understand. I think she was unreasonable.

Unfortunately the children, being teens, are fairly likely to be able to carry the lie through, I'd have thought. Especially if they've been brought up with the morals SIL is displaying

Good luck having the kids keep it up. She can't possibly think that they aren't going to tell every single friend, classmate and teacher of the fun holiday they had.

Just sit back and watch it backfire. There's really not much you need to do.

YANBU. That's appalling. Appalling that she'd make up a lie like that, but even worse that she's making her children complicit.

Surely the lie will come out? But I'd be very tempted to tell the school anyway, even if only to stop her kids having to go along with it.

That is an awful lie. In my experience people who tell huge lies without very good reason lie about other things for very little or no reason as well. DH's step father was like that. It was like he thought "shall I tell the truth or shall I make up a huge story for no reason whatsoever".

I wouldn't trust your SIL in future (if you trusted her in the first place that is).

Horrible, horrible lie, you would think she would be smarter than that, even a hip replacement would be better (not that she should be lying). The teachers will find out eventually from either running into MiL or hearing one of the dc talking about their holiday to their friend.

Your poor MiL and her dc being put into that awful position.

That is truly awful, how can anyone lie about something like that.
as for the school, surely they know that the mother lives close to her grandchildren, as they bump into her, why would they need a week to see her?
Tell the children to act extra sad!! Not exactly mother of the year over there, do update op, hoping mil goes nuts!

How grim and cold-hearted!

This has the potential to really screw her kids up too, if something happens to their DGM and they think they caused it by lying about it. (I'm not saying that is how it works, I've just worked with a lot of children who think they are personally responsible for random family events).

There are so many things wrong with that it's hard to know where to start!
You are not over reacting at all, it's a horrible lie and particularly stupid if she's likely to actually see the teachers around, how on earth does she plan on getting away with it?

A couple of years ago we planned a holiday during half term but due to DH cocking the dates up while booking online we realised that we would have to take the DC's out for 3 days or rebook. All it took was a quick word with the headmaster to explain the situation, offer to pay a fine and we got his permission. It took all of 5 minutes for everything to be authorised.
YABU, this will bite her on the arse in a bad way.

YANBU, sorry. Fat fingers this morning

I know someone whose mother appears to have died about four times. (He can no longer tell people this, as she has, inconveniently for him, actually died now.)

I do despise him for it.

I would write to the school and tell them that her mother isn't dying of cancer. Face the fallout for the sake of your DNs and your poor brother who has ended up marrying the wrong woman. Sometimes you have to stick up for your family and lay a relationship on the line. My guess is your brother puts up with an awful lot of other nasty behaviour - it is his betrayal of him and your DNs that you need to do this for.

Think of the children - they are being severely manipulated and this is potentially emotional abuse. I'm fairly sure they will thank you for your intervention in the long run.

Firstly check to see if she's lying to you. She may have been told (by the school?) that she will definitely definitely get fined, and she's made up this lie to you to keep face.

I would be tempted to call the school and tell them about this as a safeguarding issue. It's emotional abuse as far as I'm concerned, getting the kids to lie about something so serious. What else has she been getting them to do in the past that you don't know about? I know there are much worse forms of emotional abuse, but if she gets away with this what else could she do? What about next years holiday?

This is just awful - surely she can't mean it?
If word gets to round the school people will be asked how MIL is - offering sympathy and help and then find out it was a lie?
People will be really upset at being duped like that, a family feud will be the least of her worries if the other mums find out she has lied like that.

I would find it extremely hard to have any sort of relationship with your SIL after this. After all, what sort of person has she shown herself to be?

Today a childhood friend of mine is being buried, she died from cancer last week. Your SIL is a despicable person for telling such a wicked lie, I would be straight onto the school to tell them about the lie, I wouldn't care if she fell out with me because of it.

She is not having you on, is she?

This will last about as long as it takes the children, with a suntan they mysteriously acquired whilst visiting granny in hospital, to arrive at school.

Or for someone to ask MIL what hospital she's been treated at. And "oh my sister was treated there, her consultant was Mr Evans. Who are you under?" Is she going to wear a head scarf or something to go along with this charade?

I would tell the school now but then I'm a spiteful mare as there's no way she's going to get away with this longer term anyway.

Lord is the MIL expected to shave off her hair and lose a few kgs to make it all a bit more believable?!

This is one for sitting back and enjoying the fall out, it's going to be messy...

I wouldn't shop her to the school, it will inevitably come out anyway. The kids will slip and mention the holiday or look suspiciously tanned and happy. Concerned teachers might ask questions or follow up with the family. And are the children really expected to lie not only to their teachers but to their friends as well? Just wait for karma to catch up with your SIL and try not to look too smug when it does.

SIL told MIL this morning and just got in the car and left. MIL was very upset and worried in case the teachers who know her see her somewhere and try to help her.
She called DH straightaway and then she came to ours for lunch and we calmed her down and told her it wasn't her fault. She is going to go to.the school tomorrow and tell them in person because she doesn't want it to go on any longer.
She has left messages for SIL telling her what she plans to do but SIL won't answer.

Your SIL has no morals. Your MIL sounds lovely and is doing the right thing. Unfortunately I doubt SIL will see it that way.

Glad your MIL has decided to do that, but so shitty that her DD put her in that position! I bet your SIL will decide it's all her mum's fault, dont let her guilt your MIL into paying the fine.

Poor mil, that's so cruel. I Hope she is ok, that will have really shaken her. I doubt anyone wil be able to see your SIL the same way ever again.

I think your SIL is disgusting. Who lies about cancer in order to go on holiday, unless they are utterly without shame.