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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH just 'cleaned' the kitchen

129 replies

nearlyreadyforstatelyhomes · 11/05/2014 18:38

Fills the sink with washing up liquid, puts everything that wouldn't go in the dishwasher straight in there (dirty). This is a pet hate of mine. Means that from the off, everything is being washed in dirty water. So I offered to take over, partly because I'm rankled but also coz his washing up skills are somewhat lacking. Then - he dunks the cloth in the dirty water to clean the kitchen table.

Then when I said that cloth wasn't clean, he got the hump.

AIBU? We've got a 2yo and I'm pg. Hygiene is important to me. Should I have given him the medal he seems to think he deserves?

OP posts:
whois · 12/05/2014 08:22

How do people think it's ok to dunk a cloth in a bowl full of geese, cream, mashed potato crap and smear that around the table? Yes fun if you've only got a few things in the washing up bowl, but not if it is full of really dirty stuff. It takes two seconds to rinse the cloth before wiping the table. Height of laziness not to do so.

DrCoconut · 12/05/2014 08:28

My DH doesn't rinse things. I do. Washing up liquid is not on my list of preferred coffee flavours but if he does something in the house it's quite rare, so better to be pleased.

redskyatnight · 12/05/2014 08:49

I put my towel on the radiator after I've used it. Which means it is on a cold radiator for 6 months of the year. I can assure you it does dry by the next morning (unless presumably your rooms are really cold in which case the radiator would probably be on).

Actually I'm not sure where I should hang my towel if cold radiators are "wrong"?

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2014 08:56

"MrsLettuceSun 11-May-14 19:02:02

"Look DP, I get a bit nervy about using the dish cloth on the table it might be unreasonabe TBH, but, would you mind using these here disposable jobbies." Should do it."

Why does the table need to be cleaner (with the disposable cloths) than the plates you actually eat from which have presumably just been washed with the dishcloth?

MrsLettuce · 12/05/2014 08:59

I've no idea Stealth!

nomorequotes · 12/05/2014 09:01

I never dunk washing sides cloths in the washing up water but that is purely because I don't want to contaminate things I eat with things I use to wipe down sides (often more concentrated etc etc) also against anti-bac in this house.

I think just let him clean and be glad he is cleaning.

We use a different sponge for wiping the sides down for the same reason as above.

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2014 09:08

"putting a wet towel on a cold slab of metal (ie cold radiator) will not dry it. I've mentioned this in passing but he's still baffled by it."

Have you ever used an indoor unheated clothes airer. Miracle workers! Apparently wet stuff just dries unless yiur house is particularly cold, am amazes other adults don't know this.
a lot of people on this thread seem to like the application of arbitrary rules. If thr water's too filthy to wipe doen the sides with then the last few dishes you washed were washed in that filth Hmm

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2014 09:10

Lol mrsl so you were just helping with the wording :)
As far as im concerned everything involved in food preparation can get washed in washing up liquid.
Actually I wash almost everythibg in it. Use it to clean the bathroom, hard floors etc.

Revengeofthechocolatebunny · 12/05/2014 09:11

mordirig wouldn't need a breadboard if the surface had been wiped with a clean cloth.

So you use a knife to cut the bread directly onto a work surface?
And even if you use sliced bread, you would still cut the sandwich into two, surely?

Do you chop vegetables directly on the work surface too?

InSpaceNooneCanHearYouScream · 12/05/2014 09:18

A towel spread out on a cold radiator will actually dry eventually, unless your house has the atmosphere of a cave.

stealthsquiggle · 12/05/2014 09:29

Whilst fully agreeing that DH doesn't get a medal for "helping", you do really need to get a grip, OP. He cleaned. In a perfectly passable way. It just wasn't your way.

My DH does things in ways which really annoy me, but on the whole I bite my tongue because (a) he has done it, and if I moan then he would be semi-justified in saying "well do it yourself then" and not bothering next time and (b) I know that there are things that I do which wind him up too.

TantrumsAndBalloons · 12/05/2014 09:32

Do you know I have been with DH for 18 years now.

I have no idea how he washes up or cleans the table

I know he does it because between 4 of us (me, DH, teenage DCs) we have a sort of rota. So 1 person cooks, 1 cleans the kitchen afterwards.

But I have never watched to see if he does it right

DownstairsMixUp · 12/05/2014 09:34

Sorry OP I agree to. My DP does this and it drives me insane. I try and just purse my lips but ending up telling him to fuck off then he skulks off mumbling about "Just trying to help" Angry It's usually over the washing up to! I just rinse everything first getting the big bits of food off then do glasses, plates and bowls, cutlery then I empty the water and scrub pans with running water and soap. He hates this and always always comments. He also does this annoying thing where he pretends to be interested in me cooking but just comes out to "suggest" how he'd do it fuckkk off I'll do it my way!!! I'd have probably snapped at you as well tbh. Why can't some people just accept that we all do things different?!

barneychuckles · 12/05/2014 09:37

Good job you don't have my job. I am surrounded by incompetent twats people who cannot fix the photocopier/put their mug in the dishwasher.

LTB?

PrincessBabyCat · 12/05/2014 09:43

You can either do the job how you want it, or you can let him do it how he wants to do it. But you can't have your cake and eat it too.

If you keep criticizing him, he'll stop doing it and then you'll be complaining about how he never helps out.

Just offer him a suggestion, tell him why you do it your way. If he does it, great. If not, there's soap in the water that will kill the germs.

StealthPolarBear · 12/05/2014 09:53

Apparently soap doesnt kill germs.
I found thus out via an mn thread

UncleT · 12/05/2014 09:56

Downstairs perhaps you shouldn't be using abusive language towards your other half over housework? Swearing at each other, either sex, is terrible.

AnyaKnowIt · 12/05/2014 09:56

Hot soapy water will.

HillyHolbrook · 12/05/2014 10:36

Where are you finding these men with no common sense? DP does things differently to me, which is fine as it gets done either way, but he doesn't try clean surfaces with filthy cloths or anything. Are you sure he's not just doing a crap job on purpose so you'll stop asking?

And why should you give your H/P a pat on the back for helping? Maybe I just managed to find a rare gem of a man with a thread of common sense and the ability to perform grown up tasks and not need a star chart and constant praise for when he cleans the kitchen. I'm not being smug, I am just genuinely confused. I've not known a man like it, personally. Is it generational? I'm quite young.

I wouldn't be able to tolerate it, I can't be doing with nagging him constantly and I definitely won't do everything for him. I'm going to be a SAHM so most of the housework is going to be on me, but we've agreed roughly who will do what on the evenings and weekends. Now, when we are both working, whoever is in first cooks and whoever is in second cleans up after them. Whoever walks past the basket does the laundry and folds it, the other will iron it and then put it away. It wasn't hard at all to develop a routine, and I know he'll follow through and not do a half arsed job of it. Some days we both can't be arsed and we will pick up the slack between us later and meet in the middle. Is this unusual?

Blib3 · 12/05/2014 10:54

Nobody deserves a medal for washing up, it implies it's the other person's job and they're doing them a favour.

As a control freak myself I sympathise but I would stay quiet about washing up method unless you have an overly high rate of stomach bugs in the house. It's not 'wrong' unless people are getting ill or there is still food stuck to things.

bakingaddict · 12/05/2014 11:09

Fuck me I wash up like that......probably not the wiping of the table with a dirty cloth as I have a pathological hatred of cloths. I would use a kitchen scrunchie and run it under hot water and the zap the table with some anti-bac and then wipe down

Probably why I hardly ever wash-up cos I have a dishwasher and DH to do it properly.

UncleT · 12/05/2014 11:19

Liberal how is it wasteful to rinse in order not to ingest washing up liquid? I mean seriously, do you actually like the taste? So many times I have been handed a glass of water or cup of tea that actually tastes of it.

LiberalLibertine · 12/05/2014 12:29

There's rinsing, then there's washing up under a running tap.

But for the record,I don't rinse either,I don't use much washing up liquid, and have never tasted it in my life.

thebestnameshavegone · 12/05/2014 12:46

my dh is more overly concerned with hygiene than I am. I know he would rather I did things "his" way but there are other household jobs that I think I do "better" than him. it all works out ok in the end and no-one has died.

"not wrong, just different" is something that gets said a lot in our house. it'll be interesting to see how this all pans out when PFB arrives in a couple of months....

Mordirig · 12/05/2014 15:39

I make sandwiches on the bread board, but like the washing up saga DH continues his differing ways into the art of sandwich making as well Hmm