DH just 'cleaned' the kitchen

[nearlyreadyforstatelyhomes]

Fills the sink with washing up liquid, puts everything that wouldn't go in the dishwasher straight in there (dirty). This is a pet hate of mine. Means that from the off, everything is being washed in dirty water. So I offered to take over, partly because I'm rankled but also coz his washing up skills are somewhat lacking. Then - he dunks the cloth in the dirty water to clean the kitchen table.

Then when I said that cloth wasn't clean, he got the hump.

AIBU? We've got a 2yo and I'm pg. Hygiene is important to me. Should I have given him the medal he seems to think he deserves?

People wash up under running water???!

It's ran slowly, not blasting and probably uses the same as it would to fill the sink or else I wouldn't do it.

Really? You would stick a clean cloth in murky-looking that had bits of onion and spinach and raw bacon in and give your table a clean with it and think nothing of it??

I'm clearly more OCD than I thought

Would you also use half a roll of kitchen roll to dry it?? DH does though we've recently had a chat about the virtues of tea towels we never do the drying up and wait til the dishwasher stuff is dry so barely ever use our teatowels

Yes, I, and everyone I know dips the cloth in washing up water to wipe down. It's hot soapy water, perfectly hygienic, and there's no raw bacon in my washing up water. If the water gets too dirty, I change it. Are you one if those strange people who won't have a bath as they're 'sitting in their own dirt'?

OP, imo ynbu and NearTheWindymill I thought your post was great and gave a good approach to solving an irritating, daily issue over a period of time. Pity that got lost. Why let it fester, causing resentment? Men and women/ Sons and Daughters can learn and develop and improve fgs.

Just a suggestion:
Scrape food waste into newspaper and bin.
Stack plates, etc.
Fill sink with hot soapy water.
Use this clean water to wipe down clear surfaces.
Wash and rinse the cleanest things, ie glasses first, until you get to the most mucky.
Wipe around where the plates were stacked.
Throw away dirty water.
With minimal fresh water and product, rinse cloth and give area surrounding sink a second go.
Including the taps.
Rinse cloth and allow to dry.

Rocket science next.

I do pretty much what your dh does although I generally rinse the cloth under the hot tap before wiping down.

I use kitchen roll to dry as I read an article on tea towels and cloths being germ ridden which has haunted me ever since.

In my opinion, raw meat dishes/cutting boards should be cleaned as soon as they are used to avoid cross-contamination.

Other than that, I clean up exactly as the OP's husband does.

Have dishwasher but handwashing -
DP washes up under running water and I hate that - a waste of water and nothing gets as clean -putting them in soapy water first does most of the washing for you! - just leave him to it though
For me put just less than a third of sink with hot water and washing up liquid - chuck in several items (cleanest) wash and putting back in water then quickly rinse them all off (excess water going into sink) - then do next sink full -- now with more water in it - repeat as nec - always scrape plates first and finish with dirtiest items...
Rinse cloth in washing up water to wipe down if not too gross -(or even don't wash something really dirty until you have wiped down)...then use the same water to wash cat food etc bowls. (Or if nec - clean soapy water, wipe down, cat food bowls)
Empty sink - wipe round sink/empty plug hole - leave pots on drainer to air dry...
I agree unless really gross - don't critise - or at least be diplomatic -unless you want to be doing it yourself forever...
I learned years ago - I noticed DP (who has had zero 'domestic training') vacuuming stairs - just the steps, not using the nozzle on the edges etc...
I was having a bad day and I snapped -'no - not like that' 'you need to ....and took vacuum off him...he walked off and left me to it and has never tried to do it again (a little annoying but I have to admit I wasn't tactful etc - may have overreacted a tad...)

I don't use tea towels, my dishes drip dry.

I don't dunk the cloth to wipe tables and counters, I rinse it in running hot water. It makes sense to me to use a clean cloth for the purpose of getting a surface clean.

Running water is terrifically bad for the environment. Surely it's better just to have a bowl of soapy water and change it as necessary.

I speak from bitter experience when I say it's really irritating having DP correcting you because you aren't doing it their way. Clearly from the number of people here saying your DH's way is fine there's nothing objectively wrong about it (personally not the way I'd do it, I just stick everything that can't fit in the dishwasher on the side then put it in the next load, and make a point of only buying dishwasher safe). Either ask politely if he'd mind doing it a different way (avoiding phrases like "you're doing it wrong" "this is how to do it properly" etc) or better still don't be so controlling and put up with it.

OP I could have written your post word for word! Ok maybe it's not very nice to criticise DH for the way he's helping but actually why the hell should you do it all? If he wants to help he can help properly, otherwise he's just making more work for you! I'm sure he'd rather know how to help in a way that's actually helpful than feel he's useless. I guess we both just need to find better ways of telling them..?! Anyway YADNBU.

He's not helping.

He's washing up his way.

You've only been married a couple of years OP.

I quickly learned to accept that my DH does housework differently not necessarity wrongly than me and I don't correct him if he does it his way rather than mine. It can be hard, but I would be irritated if he told me I was doing it 'wrong', so I'm not going to make an issue over something minor have far more important stuff to deal with tbh, and I have the option of redoing it later if I want.

My DH is a fucking clean freak. He has learned over the years that if what I do is not good enough then I will stop wasting my time and engery on things that I clearly do properly.

If your DH can't do it right then you need to pay someone who can or do it yourself.

Sorry. Things I cannot do properly.

Fgs let him do it his way. He's not a child.

And for the poster who spouted cobblers about man being the prototype and woman being the perfected version don't be so patronising. I bet you post all those stupid memes on Facebook about how 'silly your hubby is' don't you.

I was just about to say if this was a thread about a bloke controlling the way his wife washed up there'd be uproar! I'd tell Dh to fuck right off if he complained about the way I washed up!

He's not helping he's doing a fair share of the cleaning in what sounds like a perfectly reasonable fashion, to me.

Plus if he was doing something wrong I would probably just say so rather than going through some pantomime to make him feel that it was all his idea. That sounds harder work than wiping a table myself.

YABU and a bit passive-aggressive IMO. One of my pet hates is someone "offering" to do something I was in the middle of when they mean "you're doing it all wrong." I'd have got the hump with you too.

I don't think he deserves a medal or back-pats for doing it but on the other hand he does deserve not to be followed round anxiously being told he's doing it all wrong. Like others have said, he's not doing it wrong, he's doing it differently to you.

mine puts everything on the side in the kitchen pushes it to the back and wipes the side off i then go in put everything away and wash again oh the joys

Let him clean his way. You clean your way. He's not doing it wrong. He's just not doing it your way. It's his home too.

plus he expects a round of applause afterwards and tells everyone he did x or y occasionally i break in with yes i was so surprised i nearly fainted he also pointed out i had a nap the other day not poor deakymom was exhausted going to bed at two because of one child getting up at four with the other for most of the week but deakymom had a loooooooonnnng sleep the other day and actually implies its a regular thing (how do men do that?) my mil looks at me like im a lazy cow

i just redo things it aggravates him more

At least he tried, dh is allergic to housework

Why do you go in and wash it all again deakymom? Why do you put up with him not pulling his weight?

These threads never fail to astound me... the amount of women who just sigh and say 'oh, men!' in this day and age.

I hate sexism, and many women are just as guilty of it. My husband is not a poor soul who can't be relied upon because he's male, he's an intelligent human being like me. If we disagree on an aspect of housework we discuss it and try to resolve it.