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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Naked man in communal showers. Totally stark bollock naked.

526 replies

tardisgirl68 · 10/05/2014 21:40

Not an AIBU cos really the title says it all. At massive local pool with group of five girls aged 10/11. Luckily they were showering in different area, I was waiting at lockers for them to come back and get changed. Bloke in the shower, nonchalantly steps out of his trunks and made big show of rinsing them out. I did a double take, then the slow burn whilst my brain tried to process what i was seeing Shock Angry . I nabbed a passing lifeguard and said "look!!!!" He was (after getting dressed) frogmarched out and told if he came back in they'd get police involved. Creep. My group of girls saw nothing but that was more luck than anything. shudders

OP posts:
Summerbreezer · 13/05/2014 21:27

Sorry, should I add

d) must be predatory paedophiles

to the list?

Summerbreezer · 13/05/2014 21:30

Having sex in a public space where you know people will see you, is deliberately involving others in your sex, without their consent.

There is a difference between "knowing" people will see you and there being a risk. If you know people would see you, like in a very public place, then I think that probably is an offence.

If it is just a risk, like on a deserted footpath, then you're all good.

Get to it, SuperFly Grin

SirChenjin · 13/05/2014 21:34

Oh come off it - showing your bollocks in a communal shower at the local pool is not normal behaviour. What you can do and what you should do are, as we know, often very different things - so yes, you're either out to make a point about how liberal you are and how uptight everyone else is, or you simply don't understand the basic rules of what's socially acceptable in public in the UK, and what isn't.

SuperFlyHigh · 13/05/2014 21:35

Summer - I'll just grab that sheep in the next deserted field then. Grin

let's hope the farmer isn't flashing his flashlight or whatever else at us… Grin

Summerbreezer · 13/05/2014 21:35

I've made my points earlier in the thread. I'm not going to repeat them. Suffice to say I don't agree with you.

Summerbreezer · 13/05/2014 21:36

Sorry that was to SirChenjin

Sorry SuperFly - bestiality is still a no go I'm afraid. Sad

SirChenjin · 13/05/2014 21:40

Disagree away - but stripping off in a public shower at the public pool and then rinsing out your trunks is not acceptable or normal behaviour by any stretch of the imagination.

SuperFlyHigh · 13/05/2014 21:41

Summer oh noes baaa

I was joking… Grin I knew bestiality was a no go. not sure I could get a sheep in deepest darkest SE London these days anyway though they used to have them in the park in 1900s apparently….

SirChenjin · 13/05/2014 21:42

Head to Tower Bridge - pretty sure you'll find someone walking their sheep over there Grin

ChelsyHandy · 13/05/2014 22:16

Some threads on this post make me feel I'm being transported to a parallel universe, where the only people remaining who use public swimming pools are a few men wandering around naked. Along with a few women who have no shower at home and struggle to achieve their daily/weekly wash through a swimsuit.

Except since that would remove the thrill of being exposed in an area the public frequent and the risk of upsetting someone, I suspect that the majority of them, if not all, would no longer go.

MistressDeeCee · 13/05/2014 22:33

Summer - I want "the right or the capacity" not to hit the public showers and see some bloke's tackle dangling freely in the wind whilst he does a fully monty slow grind rinsing out his keks Grin

intheenddotcom · 13/05/2014 22:48

Whatever - are you trying to imply that people that do not agree with you are sex offenders?

I do wonder where some of you draw the line if you believe showering naked is unacceptable. What about functional nudity such as getting changed in a changing room or on the beach? Sunbathing topless? exposed breast feeding?

I wonder if the responses would have been different if the OP was complaining about a woman.

ChelsyHandy · 13/05/2014 23:17

I don't believe theres anything at all wrong with showering naked intheenddotcom.

Its how I usually shower.

But not in communal showers at the swimming pool. I go there to swim, in my swimsuit, and shower in it too if the showers are communal. The changing is never communal so I change naked. In front of other women.

Whats difficult about that line?

Funnily enough, I don't want to see naked women in the communal showers either.

Don't other people go to swimming pools just to swim then? Who is so bothered about all the showering to go to the bother of removing your swimsuit and then walking around naked, getting your clothes out of the locker naked, etc.? Is the main point not the swim and not demonstrating how unselfconscious you are about nudity?

naty1 · 14/05/2014 14:11

I see it as unnecessary so yes probably done on purpose to flash.
Unfair if someone wants to shower next to the person especially a young child so selfish.
Hopefully they will sort the signs out.
I agree the sight should not be imposed on anyone.
Accident, yes while dressing.
Comparing to breastfeeding ridiculous as its difficult to stay covered up with baby moving.. Baby Needs food, some will not take a bottle and sometimes you need to leave the house.
Also i was reading a thread about birth where the person had been raped and couldnt bear to be examined or give birth naturally etc. i think for someone who has had a more serious assault than flashing there is no excuse for this they shouldnt have to worry about seeing bits and pieces when they just want to swim. Someones right to clean without a swimsuit shouldnt trump everyone elses rights.
Ideally if they are saving space by using unisex then there needs to be showers with curtains/doors
I have seen a woman in the single sex showers naked and even found that a little odd. I suppose i would think of that whether they were facing out, on show or in modestly.

stealthhippy · 01/10/2014 13:33

I find this an interesting one. I would not have done what this guy did, but I also might not have handled it as the OP did.

Cultural norms are unimportant, in my view. They're subjective, they change all the time, they often don't represent the views of the majority, and they can be oppressive. It's the cultural norm in my industry, and in Britain in general, to drive to work, or take public transport. I prefer to use the train and my folding bike. I'm not the only one, but the VAST majority of people, including almost all my clients, don't do it. I get asked questions about it, called crazy or brave for doing it, and maybe sometimes it has an impact on my own career in a minor way, I don't know. I don't do it to be different or to be noticed, or to prove how I'm more green and liberal than everyone. I do it because I enjoy cycling, I need the exercise, it's better for the planet, a prefer snoozing and reading on the train to concentrating on the motorway, but I still like my vehicular independence when I get to the other end. I don't care much what people think about it.

I also like being naked, I find it comfortable, and I like the feeling of being liberated from the idea that the world will end if anyone sees my body. I know that nudity is not illegal in this country, contrary to the often stated belief here, so I have to make my own judgements. At a nude beach, or in swimming pool changing rooms in Germany, or in a sauna at a music festival, I'll absolutely be naked. In Tesco, absolutely not. There are a few places less simple though; I'm naked in my garden, but I checked that my neighbours don't mind. I might be naked at a music festival elsewhere than the sauna, maybe in my way to or from it, maybe sunbathing by my tent. At noon nude beaches, I don't cover up while changing (and I note that almost everyone takes this in their stride), and whether I wear shorts depends how many people are there, and who they are. If it's packed and busy lunchtime, I'll wear them. If it's quiet and people are spread out I don't, and in the evening of the families are mostly gone, I never do, and the dog walkers, strollers and barbecuers are, in my experience, at least as likely to join in as they are to tut.

I've done World Naked Bike Ride too, and there, hundreds of people clap and cheer and say "that's fantastic, I wish I had the courage, keep it up", and a tiny few get outraged. You might see 3 or 4 outraged reactions. All of this leads me to think that actually, lots of people are much more laid back about nudity than we assume. We make the assumption that everyone's life is like ours, so people who grew up with open nudity in their family assume most are like that, and don't feel like they need to tell people that think it's OK, whereas those who were never allowed to let the opposite sex see their pants assume that's the norm.

I would prefer to get out of the pool, return to my locker for my towel, leave my shorts in the locker and go take a shower. In a men only changing room I do this, in a mixed one I very likely wouldn't, and in a busy one full of kids, I definitely wouldn't, because of the likely reaction. However, if I came into a changing room and someone else was doing that, unaccosted by other people, I probably would even if others weren't, because it would be apparent that it wasn't a big deal.

In the OPs situation, context and behaviour are everything. My 6yo DS wouldn't be horrified, but she might be surprised, because she's learned that nudity is fine and bodies are fine, but some people don't agree. If the guy was just having a shower, with no sign of any other behaviour, I would just ignore it. If I felt he was at risk of being hassled, I would politely point that out. If I felt he was being in any way aggressive, I would tell him directly that he needed to stop, and if I felt I couldn't do that. I'd probably do as the OP did. Pretty much everything would rest on the song and dance she felt he made of washing his trunks.

Aeroflotgirl · 01/10/2014 13:35

He would not be out of place in a communal showers in Denmark or Sweden. Actually you have to shower nekkid before you enter the pool.

windchime · 01/10/2014 14:25

Someone naked isn't something sexual. Its just the human body

Totally agree with this^^ If I have to be presented with bf bosoms at every turn, the least life can do is throw me a naked bloke in the communal showers every now and again Grin

500smiles · 01/10/2014 14:29

Wow you must have had to go searching some way back to find a zombie thread from May

moaningminnie2 · 01/10/2014 14:34

This reminds me of once when I went into an empty sauna , I thought was women only (as it came off a corridor from the women's changing room).Turns out it wasn't

HoldMeCloserTonyDanza · 01/10/2014 15:35

Naked shower man must have turned into a prune by now.

stealthhippy · 01/10/2014 17:45

I'm always interested in questions like "why do some of you feel the need to shower naked? I don't see the need." It's not a need, it's a preference. You could just as well ask why people feel the need to shower at the pool at all, why don't they just get dressed and shower later? (I prefer to get the chlorine off me, but it's just a preference), or why do people feel the need to wear swimwear (I'm not that pretty a sight in just my shorts, why can't I wear something that covers everything?). The simple answer is that YOU do what you prefer to do, and not only do you not really question it, you probably take it amiss if someone else does (what if someone called the lifeguard to complain that your swimsuit didn't have one of those ruffle skirts to cover your bum?), but if what someone else prefers to do conflicts with your norm, the "why do you feel the need" question comes out.

I don't like seeing those jogging pants that day Porn Star across the bum, I think twin set and pearls looks ludicrous, and I don't admire everyone's shape or enjoy looking at them, should the change their ways?

Musicaltheatremum · 01/10/2014 19:09

Wow, OP the commi pool that's my local. I'll have to get back there soon.
We certainly don't do that sort of thing in edinburgh. I agree. Inappropriate.

AnyFucker · 01/10/2014 19:21

This thread is 6 months old

stealthhippy · 01/10/2014 19:49

And anything 6 months old isn't worth anyone's attention ;-)

wooooosualsuspect · 01/10/2014 19:53

Did you AS 'naked man' ?

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