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AIBU?

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Original poster

Naked man in communal showers. Totally stark bollock naked.

526 replies

tardisgirl68 · 10/05/2014 21:40

Not an AIBU cos really the title says it all. At massive local pool with group of five girls aged 10/11. Luckily they were showering in different area, I was waiting at lockers for them to come back and get changed. Bloke in the shower, nonchalantly steps out of his trunks and made big show of rinsing them out. I did a double take, then the slow burn whilst my brain tried to process what i was seeing Shock Angry . I nabbed a passing lifeguard and said "look!!!!" He was (after getting dressed) frogmarched out and told if he came back in they'd get police involved. Creep. My group of girls saw nothing but that was more luck than anything. shudders

OP posts:
Sallyingforth · 12/05/2014 11:38

I'm obviously in a minority here and I'm not going to convince anyone.

But since I've always from a baby seen naked men and women on beaches, their bodies mean nothing to me. A penis is no more exciting than a nose. On the one occasion a guy flashed at me in the street I just laughed in his face.

I expect if genitals had always been hidden from me and I learned from adults' behaviour that there was something dirty or shameful about showing or seeing them, I would be responding the same as others here. And I would have been frightened by the flasher.

It's all down to learned behaviour, and I'm glad I've learned mine. But I accept I'm not going to change anyone else.

GarlicMayHaveNamechanged · 12/05/2014 11:38

nonchalantly steps out of his trunks and made big show of rinsing them out

Quote from, you know, the OP at the top of the page. He nonchalantly stepped out of his trunks and thoroughly rinsed them.

That sounds like someone who took it for granted he would take his trunks off, and is careful to wash the chlorine out of 'em. (Boy, do I sympathise!)

whatever5 · 12/05/2014 11:40

The problem with this thread is that it has attracted the minority in the UK population who feel the need to shower naked after swimming. Not many people do in the UK even in single sex communal showers (I swim at least three times a week and have done for over 40 years in many different parts of the UK so I would have noticed). For that reason I think it was highly likely he knew it wouldn't be acceptable and he did it either to make a point (e.g.naked rambler) or he was doing it for the sexual thrill.

OnlyLovers · 12/05/2014 11:41

She saw what happened and she put her own spin on it. Someone else might have thought nothing of it. No one except the man himself can say with certainty if he was doing it to 'make a big show of it'.

My point was that people are often very quick to put a sinister spin on nakedness by using sensationalist language about it, based on nothing very much at all.

GarlicMayHaveNamechanged · 12/05/2014 11:44

Nobody's said they "feel the need" to shower naked after swimming, whatever! All we've said is that showering naked is not a sex attack.

The only people trying to force their view on others are the squeamish. Everyone else is saying live & let live. The man was shamed & punished; that's what I think is wrong.

SuperFlyHigh · 12/05/2014 11:45

You know what I will do next time, I'll be in the communal showers (with men present) and then will strip off as a woman and soap myself….

wonder how quickly i'd get thrown out - or be welcomed into their fold more then eh?!

whatever5 · 12/05/2014 11:58

Nobody's said they "feel the need" to shower naked after swimming, whatever! All we've said is that showering naked is not a sex attack.

Oh really? Some people have given the strong impression that they feel the need to shower naked after swimming. Isn't that the argument for thinking that this man has been mistreated?

GarlicMayHaveNamechanged · 12/05/2014 12:05

No, the argument for thinking that this man has been mistreated is that he was shamed and punished for doing something harmless, on the unfounded assumption he had nefarious motives.

Someone could have just tapped him on the shoulder - but the civilised thing would have been to ignore it. He didn't deserve the treatment he got, or the baseless accusations made here.

whatever5 · 12/05/2014 12:17

No, the argument for thinking that this man has been mistreated is that he was shamed and punished for doing something harmless, on the unfounded assumption he had nefarious motives.

Having been flashed at several times as a child I don't think his actions were harmless. It's not unusual. Personally I would have pointed out that it was a communal shower just in case he had made a mistake before calling the lifeguards but I some how doubt he had made a mistake.

The "treatment he got" was the decision of the lifeguards not the OPs and probably reflects their training and previous experiences regarding men who shower naked in the communal showers.

Callani · 12/05/2014 12:18

Well tbh I would have felt very uncomfortable and this is after years of living in France where nudity is far more common.

I think people are being disingenuous to suggest they don't see an issue with nudity in this context - it's the same reason why bikinis are acceptable on a beach but not on the high street even in hot weather. Cultural expectations are important and refusing to behave in a manner that conforms will upset or anger people.

It's the same reason people get cross when tourists don't understand queuing - you can understand on an intellectual level that queuing isn't part of the culture in France / Italy / wherever, but it doesn't stop the outrage because "it's not the done thing".

OnlyLovers · 12/05/2014 12:44

I totally agree, Garlic. Especially as it was actually the pool management's fault for not having 'no nudity' signs up.

whatever, how is a man taking off his trunks in the shower and washing them out 'flashing'?

whatever5 · 12/05/2014 13:06

how is a man taking off his trunks in the shower and washing them out 'flashing'?

Unless you are in a place where it is considered acceptable, taking all your clothes off in a public place = flashing

missinglalaland · 12/05/2014 13:06

In Britain, you aren't allowed to be casually naked in public. In fact, nudity in public places here is anything but casual. It is in fact, pretty sensational because it breaks a very clear line of behaviour. The fact that it was a shower is neither here nor there. It was an open , public shower in mixed company.

titchy · 12/05/2014 13:24

It is actually against the law to be naked in public you know, unless in a location specifically designed, and signposted as such, for that purpose (eg nudist beaches).

How on earth can someone being naked, illegally, in a public area, with children around, be anything other than sinister?

Hmm
OnlyLovers · 12/05/2014 13:51

There was NO signage to indicate that nakedness was not considered acceptable.

titchy, what do you think was sinister about this scenario? Do you not find it at all possible to imagine that this person was simply wanting to have a proper, all-over shower?

BomChickaMeowMeow · 12/05/2014 13:58

I don't think what happened was necessarily sinister...but it could have taken a sinister turn. Flashing and masturbation in public is common enough for me to have seen it a few times.

I wouldn't be particularly worried about DDs seeing a naked man per se as they see DH and me in the nud regularly. But any idiot knows you don't fully strip off in a communal family changing area shower and even if he had missed the signs there being female children there should have been a clue as to what sort of shower area he was in.

MistressDeeCee · 12/05/2014 13:59

Its because he wanted to be seen in the shower.

All those with a point to make about being oh so cool with nakedness even if parents don't want their kids to see your bits thank you very much - just trot off to your local communal showers at a swimming pool where you know children are present - get your kit off, and Im sure you'll be kept very busy making your point..for a couple of minutes, at least - before you are quite rightly flung out even if you didnt know, or there are no signs, or its acceptable elsewhere in Europe, or you just dont care...even if you have a multitude of reasons for doing what you fullly know, nobody else will do due to common courtesy

I am not anti-naked - its just a boddy. Im just of the firm belief if families are about with their kids then keep the cock under cover. & if people don't want to see your exhibitionism then, expect to get kicked out. You have a choice, but so do they. Maybe designated nude areas would be the best option instead of pretending unawareness that of course there are men who do this kind of thing for kicks. & they've always got an excuse, too.

BomChickaMeowMeow · 12/05/2014 14:00

I also think the OP acted reasonably in the circumstances. Whether the leisure centre did, I'm not sure, but their actions suggest it was perhaps not the first time it had happened.

QuinionsRainbow · 12/05/2014 14:01

Is a swimming pool changing facility actually a public place in law? I would have said it was a private facility to which people gain admission, generally by paying the owner/proprietor money.

missinglalaland · 12/05/2014 14:04

QuinionsRainbow I gain entry to the movie theatre by paying an admission too. If I stripped down, I would expect to be kicked out.

ThatBloodyWoman · 12/05/2014 14:07

Sallying I have not taught that genitals are dirty or shameful.
I think there is a huge difference between hiding genitals/teaching that they are dirty,and expecting not to see strangers nudity in inappropriate places.

There have to be some boundaries somewhere when it comes to showing your genitals publicly.

Has it occurred to you that a swimwear on policy also offers adults a degree of protection against false allegations?

I don't expect to be sitting on a bus and see a woman doing a Sharon Stone opposite me.I don't expect to drive past a man peeing in an exhibitionist arc on the roadside 10 foot from the cuover of bushes.And I don't expect to see a naked man in a poolside shower where little girls are washing.

LillianGish · 12/05/2014 14:10

Sorry if this question has already been asked, but was the Man German or Scandinavian? Lived in Berlin for a few years and you would have been considered odd if you showered in your swimsuit/trunks over there (and you wouldn't be allowed in communal saunas steamrooms etc in swimwear or towels).

whatever5 · 12/05/2014 14:12

There was NO signage to indicate that nakedness was not considered acceptable.

There was no signage saying that it was acceptable either. A leisure centre swimming pool is a public place. Considering that in the UK nudity in public places is against the law, it's pretty obvious that being naked in a communal mixed sex public shower would not be allowed.

SuperFlyHigh · 12/05/2014 14:16

Lillian - the man apparently was Scottish.

A couple of other posters have just stated correctly that nudity in a public place is illegal in UK which is all I need to know.

LillianGish · 12/05/2014 14:19

Thanks SuperFly - just wondered if it was a cultural misunderstanding.