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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Naked man in communal showers. Totally stark bollock naked.

526 replies

tardisgirl68 · 10/05/2014 21:40

Not an AIBU cos really the title says it all. At massive local pool with group of five girls aged 10/11. Luckily they were showering in different area, I was waiting at lockers for them to come back and get changed. Bloke in the shower, nonchalantly steps out of his trunks and made big show of rinsing them out. I did a double take, then the slow burn whilst my brain tried to process what i was seeing Shock Angry . I nabbed a passing lifeguard and said "look!!!!" He was (after getting dressed) frogmarched out and told if he came back in they'd get police involved. Creep. My group of girls saw nothing but that was more luck than anything. shudders

OP posts:
pebblyshit · 11/05/2014 17:40

pebblyshit - There's nothing I enjoy more than a naked communal shower. Really?

No. Not really. I don't feel clean after swimming unless I've had a proper shower though. I like the bonding aspect of showing with your team. There is something quite primal about it. I swim on my own though, and shower naked in a cubicle.

ChelsyHandy · 11/05/2014 17:42

How odd. Why does it matter how often people swim? Are people not allowed to have a view? I swim once a week, if that helps at all.

What on earth is odd about it?

It does matter - I don't want to have to put up with so many people who struggle to follow normal cultural norms when I go swimming!

Quite frankly, I wonder why half the people on here go swimming. I go to swim. I don't go to shower, or to enjoy a naked communal showering experience, or to prove how open minded I am, or to give myself a thrill. I go to swim. That's what swimming pools are for.

Sunnydaysablazeinhope · 11/05/2014 17:46

Um... I don't get it....

He was in a public communal showering area. And showered. Is that it?

Whilst I might have laughed at him for ignoring social norms I can't say id be complaining and getting him frogmarched out. I think it's a bit silly really.

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 17:53

I also find the suggestion of "getting the police involved" quite funny...

"Police, please state the emergency...What's that? You have a man swimming in your pool..who was there three months ago...and HAD A SHOWER NAKED? Don't you worry Sir, we'll be straight down."

turgiday · 11/05/2014 18:05

So you ignore the fact that exhibitionism is a real sexual perversion?

Sallyingforth · 11/05/2014 18:06

We are brought up in this country not to be naked in front of strangers of the opposite sex.

No turgiday We are not!

You might have been, but that's your own problem.
I thank God that I was brought up to have no inhibitions about my own body or anyone else's. I would personally not have noticed whether the guy had a costume on or not.
There is nothing dirty or disgusting about a man's or woman's genitals, any more than their ears or toes.

And those who say swimming in the nude is better are absolutely right. On the beach I can't wait to get into the sea in an entirely natural state - it feels so right.

turgiday · 11/05/2014 18:07

I said I prefer swimming in the nude.

You may have been brought up a certain way by your family, it is not how most are brought up in this country.

SauceForTheGander · 11/05/2014 18:10

Sallyingforth are you the naked rambler? Wink

intheenddotcom · 11/05/2014 18:10

This man was having a shower, not waving it about.

If a woman is openly breast feeding (i.e. not covered up, which happens quite often around here) is she being an exhibitionist? If a woman is sunbathing topless is she being an exhibitionist? Would you still think it was exhibitionism if it was a woman?

There is a big difference between having a shower or getting changed and walking about exposing yourself or being a perv flashing in a trenchcoat.

EddieStobbart · 11/05/2014 18:11

Commie pool definitely has signs saying no nude showering (the staff having a word confirms this). Since the refurb the showers are pretty exposed to the large main swimming pool, the diving pool and the toddler pool. Not the soft play though. I have no problem with general nuddie showering and would do it myself in other settings but given the signs state otherwise, it's not the norm at the pool and it's a very exposed setting then I think this wasn't appropriate in this case.

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 18:12

So you ignore the fact that exhibitionism is a real sexual perversion?

When there is absolutely no evidence it is taking place, yes I do ignore it.

As would the police.

missinglalaland · 11/05/2014 18:14

Some of these responses remind me that, even though mums net is intended as a meeting place for mums, actually the internet is wide open and any one could be posting here for any reason, pretending to be anything.

Suggesting that a man showering nude in an all-ages, all sexes changing room is perfectly normal seems mischievous to me at best. It obviously breaks a raft of social norms and expectations.

intheenddotcom · 11/05/2014 18:16

Eddie - the OP says there are no signs at present.

I agree if the showers are particularly exposed it is better to cover up but most posters (including myself) have no idea what the pool in question looks like and are going off generalities. The thread isn't 'at this specific pool it isn't appropriate to shower' it's 'in general you shouldn't shower naked'.

whatever5 · 11/05/2014 18:17

I think that a lot of people on this thread are being quite naive. It may be normal to be nude in communal showers in some countries but it's not considered acceptable in the UK particularly if there are children around. It's highly unlikely that he didn't know he wasn't supposed to strip off with young girls nearby and probable that he only did it because they were there.

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 18:19

I'm sorry missing, are you suggesting I'm trolling? If you are, report it to MNHQ.

I have been very honest with who I am on here - I am a criminal barrister, I prosecute and defend in sex cases. I take an interest in threads like this, partly because of the legal angle and partly because it is good to get a wide range of views.

I can assure you that what I say is a very genuinely held belief. I personally do not consider "breaking a raft of social norms and expectations" sufficient reason to dub a man a "creep" (as the OP does) and frogmarch him from property.

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 18:21

whatever5 - there is a difference between "being naïve" and "not making gross assumptions".

"young girls nearby and probable that he only did it because they were there."

There is no evidence there were young girls nearby. The girls the OP was with were showering in another section.

Vintagecakeisstillnice · 11/05/2014 18:21

I have been in many a situation with many a naked man. . . Wink

Am ex-nurse so the human body holds few fears for me inside and out.

But seriously most of us have instincts, (even though we seemed to be encouraged to ignored them for other peoples benefits). Most of us would be able to sense man/ woman not aware of the 'rules' in this situation and doing what was normal for them, and someone doing something to make a point or cause a scene/attract attention.

From the OP she got the sense/feeling that he was doing it for attention whether that was sexual or not.

BuggersMuddle · 11/05/2014 18:25

The guy wasn't observing cultural norms he clearly ought to have been aware of so that is IMO a bit odd. If you're a Scottish person, living in Scotland who frequents public baths you know that you're not supposed to be nude outside your cubicle. In that case, the guy was being unreasonable.

What I do find a bit strange though it that in private gyms (and I've been to a few) it's perfectly acceptable to strut around naked - albeit not mixed sex. In council run establishments, I've seen people complain about naked showering in female changing rooms where boys under 8 are allowed with their mother / other caregiver. I think that's a bit sad, because as others have said nudity is not inherently sexual.

I think we are a bit hung up in this country. I've been to Austrian & German spas where swimsuits were not permitted and to be honest I got more funny looks clutching onto a towel for dear life than strutting around starkers. Once I established that no-one actually gave a shit what I looked like, it was actually quite liberating.

Still though, the naked guy was being unreasonable because it's just not done in public baths in this country and that is that.

missinglalaland · 11/05/2014 18:28

You prove my point summerbreezer. You are coming at this from the point of view of a criminal barrister who defends people accused of sex crimes. IMHO, this is a very different angle from your typical British woman with children.

Also this thread is 10 pages long now. I am not singling you out. The proportion of responses suggesting that a stranger letting it all hang out in front of school children is OK seems a little a little unlikely to me.

AnyFucker · 11/05/2014 18:30

I personally do not consider "breaking a raft of social norms and expectations" sufficient reason to dub a man a "creep" (as the OP does) and frogmarch him from property.

I find that an odd statement to make. Personally, I believe the fact this bloke is breaking a whole raft of cultural expectations does mark him out as a creep (in the absence of a cognitive problem). The "cultural expectations" are there for a very good reason.

whatever5 · 11/05/2014 18:30

summerbreezer I don't think it's a "gross assumption" to think that there is a good chance he was up to no good when showering naked in a communal shower which is used by children and women. He would have known that there were probably children nearby.

I and my friends may have been unlucky as children but I can think of four occasions when we were flashed at (outside where there could be no excuse). It's not unusual.

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 18:32

Erm...you missed out the bit where I say I prosecute them too.

I probably prosecute more than I defend to be honest.

I have also sadly experienced sexual assault myself.

But you are right - I can only come at it from my angle, with my views and experiences. As do you. You do not speak for the "average British woman with children" any more than I do.

Maybe...just maybe..other people have views that are different from yours? Maybe rather than suggesting anyone who feels differently to you must be a troll, you could accept that not everyone feels the same about everything?

turgiday · 11/05/2014 18:33

Being flashed, sexually harassed and car called is not unusual. It is also very wrong.

turgiday · 11/05/2014 18:33

cat called NOT car called

summerbreezer · 11/05/2014 18:34

Personally, I believe the fact this bloke is breaking a whole raft of cultural expectations does mark him out as a creep (in the absence of a cognitive problem). The "cultural expectations" are there for a very good reason.

Not necessarily. I don't particularly accept he is breaking a "whole raft of cultural expectations" (he was having a shower without clothes on), but even if he was - the word "creep" denotes there is a sexual element to his behaviour.

Which from the information we have is simply not present.