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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Strange playground mum

151 replies

Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 12:10

There is a lady who I have over 3 years of my DD being at school chat to,and she has been to my house once for a drink and has given me a lift to the supermarket once too. So not overly close but I'm friendly with.

When our DDs were in reception she used to have a moan in the morning about my DDs hair styles ie, you're a bloody show off look at her hair today why can't you just do a simple ponytail like everyone else, I laughed it off but it made me feel uncomfy.Her DD and my DD get on ok so no problems there,then comments about the packed lunches started such as:oh for gods sake will you stop making pasta for your DDs packed lunch now my DD wants it what's wrong with sandwiches like everyone else and will you stop putting blueberries in your DDs lunch as my DD wants them now and I know she won't like them things like that all which I laughed off but in the past she has seemed genuinely narked.

My DDs tooth fell out on Tuesday so Wednesday morning so woke to find a £2 coin and a little note saying thanks for the tooth it's lovely and that you are a good girl for your mum keep it up....this is something I've always done even for my eldist DD who is 16.Well this morning I got a real telling off! She walked over to my in the playground and said I've got a bone to pick with you, what's all this about a tooth fairy letter? Why do you have do these things? Why can't you do the bare minimum like the rest of us! I said oh sorry( laughing ) its just something we've always done, well you're not funny she said,I'm not laughing I'm going to have to start this now seriously you're making my like fucking difficult!!

Please AIBU am I doing too much! Please advise as I'm getting a bit scared of her attitude now and is this normal?

OP posts:
JingletsJangletsYellowBanglets · 08/05/2014 14:07

Next time, laugh and when she says"you're not funny" reply "neither are you, but I'm laughing that you seem to think you can tell me how to raise my kids and order me around"

qazxc · 08/05/2014 14:09

Yes to
"It's hardly Lapland!"
Also "are you being serious?" might sort out whether she is joking or actually trying to tell you what to do/not do. In which case I would tell her that "I will do what I want, thank you very much". After all you're not telling her how to raise her child or what treats are appropriate.

BlessedAssurance · 08/05/2014 14:09

What a horrible woman OP. Just ignore her totally. When getting to know each other a friend came to my place. she commented on how clean the place was and told me that i made her and every other woman that visited look bad. I laughed it off until we went to my bedroom to get something. When i opened the closet and she saw DH's shirts all lined up and colour coordinated she flipped and told me that i had stop. She told me that i had to stop wanting to be in control and let go and that when the baby came i had to not clean the house at all. I know she was jelous and Dh told me that i had made her look like a cow and she also did not appreaciate me caring so much about DH. Did i mention she was DH's ex and had dumped him:). She does not visit us anymore..

Stinkle · 08/05/2014 14:10

The mum at my school once told me I was cruel for giving DD a banana instead of some sweets.

DD1 used to come out of school absolutely starving which would put her in a foul mood until she'd had something to eat so I used to take a little snack for her to stave off the tears until we got home.

Sometimes we'd stop off at the ice cream van, sometimes it would be a packet of mini cheddars, sometimes a piece of fruit, sometimes a mini packet of biscuits, sometimes a penguin. Whatever I grabbed on the way out of the door. Everything in moderation really

On this particular day it was a banana and she clocked it.

I don't care to be honest, I won't stop doing these little things just because someone else doesn't like it. If it makes my DDs happy then why the hell not?

docket · 08/05/2014 14:12

Ugh, she sounds vile. And she must be totally self-absorbed if she's taking offence at the nice things you do because they reflect badly on her.

I'd let her know one way or the other that you don't want to hear any more of her shit.

KellyHopter · 08/05/2014 14:16

It's really no wonder there is so much playground angst in the world of MN.

MintyChops · 08/05/2014 14:23

I think "Are you being serious?" Is the perfect response. Follow up with telling her that you will parent in the way you think best, just as she is entitled to. Then steer clear.

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 14:24

chaffinch she knew where we going, we always go to the same campsite she said I thought I'd come and see what's so wonderful !!

OP posts:
Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 14:27

I said,I never said it was wonderful , I said it was in a lovely location and there was always lots of friendly kids there

OP posts:
QuintsKazooo · 08/05/2014 14:32

You need tailor made picture icing sheets as sandwichs toppers, ever day. Polar bears and poems!

WhateverHappenedToJasonStyles · 08/05/2014 14:33

Someone once gave the advice that there's always a parent in every year that's a sandwich short of a picnic - at least you know who it is now Grin

Sounds like it's jealously tinged with weird sense of humour.

A parent once complained that my DS always had too many tomatoes in his pack up Hmm So the next day he went in with the largest buffalo tomato in all of Sainsburys. But just one tomato Grin which also caused comment Hmm Next time I'll just say "it's not Lapland, is it?"

Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 14:39

Got to go and pick up DD may even take her a drink!

Yes I will, I'll spoil her seeing as she's had cross country last lesson Smile

OP posts:
bishboschone · 08/05/2014 14:40

I'm amazed you let her talk to you like that .. how rude . she is weird !!

starlight1234 · 08/05/2014 14:43

I used to put notes and love hearts in DS's sandwich box ( he is hot dinners now_) He loved it...

Some things we do for our kids and not for everyone else.

YourMaNoBraBackOfMyCar · 08/05/2014 14:47

Do you ever compliment her OP? As in her children's manners, kindness, helpfulness, etc?

Groovee · 08/05/2014 15:12

Some people will always struggle with the way others do things and may not realise how they come across.

I gave my dd notes from the toothfairy. Ds wrote one back saying he'd been waiting on Barnaby not Flora, so those soon stopped lol.

SoFishy · 08/05/2014 15:21

She either thinks it's a funny kind of banter, and has a strange sense of humour, or else she's genuinely put out and therefore massively unreasonable. She may think you put her to shame but that's her problem and not something to have a go at you about! All of us could probably point to parents who have done something better or spent more or done more for their DC or whatever. So what? You are not doing anything terrible and she has no right to comment.

I once had a collegue who cared a lot about what people wore and was in a kind of contest to look good each day. If I wore a nice dress or outfit (which I certainly didn't do every day!) she would look me up and down and say "Bitch!" Shock I realised it was a kind of banter and in a weird way meant to be flattering. But actually, I don't want to be called a bitch. It's not on.

This woman is similar - she thinks it's fine to do this, but it's hurtful. I'd just have as little to do with her as possible, maybe that's harsh but why should you put up with it?

CouldntGiveAMonkeysToss · 08/05/2014 15:22

YANBU op, you sound lovely.
She sounds a bit odd. She's either really jealous of you or she's unsure how to parent and holds you up as the ideal.
I think she's trying to be funny but it isn't quite coming out right.

CaptainTripps · 08/05/2014 15:27

You sound nice, OP. But, really. You are far too polite over the whole thing. It is time to cast off the polite demeanour and tell her to let you do your parenting without commenting as you let her do hers.
Whatever the reasons for her comments - tis neither here nor there. She needs to back off NOW.

ItIsAnIdeasGame · 08/05/2014 15:33

Or you could start making lunches like this..

Strange playground mum
Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 15:35

I do compliment her as she's very attractive in my opinion.

I also have said nice things about her DD in the past such as.....she has beautiful hair.

I sort of let her speak to me like this as we are sort of closer than a lot of the mums ie she's been round to mine at night and had wine and nibbles and she texts me a lot out of school so I find it hard to be off with her IYKWIM

OP posts:
Original poster
Everythingwillbeok · 08/05/2014 15:41

itIsAnIdeasGame I just showed that photo to DD who said wow!!

But didn't ask for anything similar thank goodness

OP posts:
badtime · 08/05/2014 15:43

This is the same sort of thing as when people give a hard time to the person who gets the best marks at school and get called a swot, because people are jealous.
Some people don't grow out of it, and end up saying nasty things about anyone who they think is 'better' than them - better looking, a more successful career, more creative/fun parenting etc. It is nothing to do with the person they focus on. They feel bad because the other person is 'better' (in their mind) than them. They blame the other person (in this case you, OP).
It is a sign of low self esteem, and it is her problem, not yours.

It may be easier to deal with this if you realise you should just feel sorry for her.

OldBagWantsNewBag · 08/05/2014 16:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Greyhound · 08/05/2014 16:12

She sounds rather nasty and bullying.

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