Strange playground mum

[Everythingwillbeok]

There is a lady who I have over 3 years of my DD being at school chat to,and she has been to my house once for a drink and has given me a lift to the supermarket once too. So not overly close but I'm friendly with.

When our DDs were in reception she used to have a moan in the morning about my DDs hair styles ie, you're a bloody show off look at her hair today why can't you just do a simple ponytail like everyone else, I laughed it off but it made me feel uncomfy.Her DD and my DD get on ok so no problems there,then comments about the packed lunches started such as:oh for gods sake will you stop making pasta for your DDs packed lunch now my DD wants it what's wrong with sandwiches like everyone else and will you stop putting blueberries in your DDs lunch as my DD wants them now and I know she won't like them things like that all which I laughed off but in the past she has seemed genuinely narked.

My DDs tooth fell out on Tuesday so Wednesday morning so woke to find a £2 coin and a little note saying thanks for the tooth it's lovely and that you are a good girl for your mum keep it up....this is something I've always done even for my eldist DD who is 16.Well this morning I got a real telling off! She walked over to my in the playground and said I've got a bone to pick with you, what's all this about a tooth fairy letter? Why do you have do these things? Why can't you do the bare minimum like the rest of us! I said oh sorry( laughing ) its just something we've always done, well you're not funny she said,I'm not laughing I'm going to have to start this now seriously you're making my like fucking difficult!!

Please AIBU am I doing too much! Please advise as I'm getting a bit scared of her attitude now and is this normal?

Ah yes, competitive mothering. Who can be the best mom?

I always did think moms were a different breed of people.

You should one up her and tell her it's because you enjoy raising your child, and love her. Now you must say it in a way that implies that if she doesn't do these things, she obviously doesn't love her daughter. Raise the stakes and make it who loves their child most competition.

Seriously though, she's being stupid. Tell her to worry about her own daughter, not yours.

LittleMiss me too!!

I think she may just be joking but if you don't like her sense of humour (and I don't blame you) back off and give her a short honest response like
"because I want to"
"because she likes blueberries"
and a puzzled look

I think you've found your answer - just say every time

"Well it's hardly Lapland"

YES. That is the one.

I also like "well it's not like it takes much effort is it"

She sounds quite mean though, as it seems beyond jokey banter. I mean I know I have horrendously low self esteem, and often have a bit of a pang of envy at some other mums who do great things and seem so 'together' IYSWIM... but that's MY issue. I would never try to make somebody stop doing stuff, or try to make them feel bad. How rude.

I think she sounds panicked.

I imagine her daughter is coming home wishing and wanting for the nice things you are doing :)

For some reason it sounds as if these things are tipping her 'over the edge'

I suspect she is not feeling all that well.

It is not your fault however and I'd start to see her complaints as background music. :)

sorry to say, but I'd be making it more extreme - if she moans about your daughter's hair, then the next day daughter would be going in with multiple "zulu knots" each with flower and butterfly. and ribbons.

Yes lego she did after saying for weeks how shit camping is and she bloody hates it.....I was sat by the fire and my DH said " isn't that * "walking up the field?

I nearly dropped my fucking wine...only nearly thankgod

She sounds like she's just being over familiar and thinks she's funny. She might be quite shocked at how seriously you've taken it.

I have a friend who notices stuff like this but we have a laugh about it. She's a bit neurotic and worries about what people think of her so I can understand it.

I would be in trouble for two out of three of your "offences." I bake things for the kids lunch boxes. Lately, sausage and apple rolls, date cookies, olive muffins and the tooth fairy here often leaves a note, several sentences long though just a pound.

And anyone who has "known" me on here for the 8 or so years I have posted know I am far, far from the perfect mum! I am pretty crap tbh.

I have a mum like this at our school. Her eldest child was in my DD1's class and a younger one is in my DD2's class.

I really thought she was joking at first.

There were a few comments throughout the year - me helping out at the school Christmas fayre, DD's new shoes, I have friend who works for a management company for bands and we managed to get 2 tickets for a big concert donated as a raffle prize for one of their events. Comments about clothes or if she'd thought I'd made a bit too much of an effort with appearance for the school run

I just laughed it off really. I don't really hang around the school gates chatting or anything so I was mostly quite baffled as to how much notice she'd clearly been taking

Then when my eldest was doing her year 6 SATs last year she was really worried so every morning I wrote a little note to put in her shirt pocket - nothing amazing, just good luck, you're doing well, love you. Just as a bit of encouragement really as she was so nervous about the tests. I guess DD must have shown it to her friends because one morning this particular mum had a go me for making her look bad. I really thought she was joking so I laughed, but no, she was deadly serious.

I now give her a wide berth, I still hear her giving other mums a hard time about stuff. Very odd

stinkle that's sounds lovely and very encouraging. I sometimes pop a note in her packed lunch too only when I know I'm not picking her up and won't see me till late of she's had a headache ect.

I've not been reprimanded for those yet!! She mustn't know

I have an American colleague who insists I show her up by never having laddered tights, chipped nail polish, etc. She means it as a compliment.

Yes, but it's also pretty obvious when someone is just taking you for a ride. It normally comes with exaggerated bitchy face, eye rolls or dead pan stares.

I agree with a PP though, try giving her a serious answer to see if she's really joking or not. She could just be coming off as unintentionally serious.

I don't agree with lots of these responses.
She's not putting you down, she's putting herself down.
She's not being competitive because she's not trying to big up her own standards at all, the opposite in fact.

Surely she is, albeit in a fairly crass and annoying way, being self-deprecating? Trying to compliment you but only able to do it in a jokey way?

Everything she is saying basically = your ideas are fab and my dc wish I did the same.

I'd find her highly irritating and avoid because of her inability to just talk in a normal non-caricatured way but I think it's a bit of a shame so many people would automatically assume there is malice in her behaviour. I just don't see it at all.

I would just take it as a compliment, even if you aren't sure it was meant that way.

I am worried i may have BU in saying something similar this week to a friend of mine. Our kids were born a couple of days apart, so when they came to dds 2nd birthday party i had bought their ds a present too. I sent a text to say thank you for dds present, then i was shocked when i received a printed thank you card with a personal typed message "from" her ds about what he loves Most about his present, delivered by post when we are local. It hadn't even occurred to me to do anything so elaborate when they are so young, so i did say something along the lines of wow, put me to shame. But really its a compliment to her. If you are showing other people up it suggests what you are doing is good!

I know someone like this. At one point she told me I didn't give my children chips and chicken nuggets enough. Its not fair on them apparently.

She also told me I should give up my job and that we should take out a loan to get a new car.

"Tell you what, how about I parent my child my way, and you do the same with yours. Yes? Good. See you later."

Done.

"I don't agree with lots of these responses.
She's not putting you down, she's putting herself down"

Maybe, but she sounds aggressive with it-"she said,I'm not laughing I'm going to have to start this now seriously you're making my like fucking difficult!! "

Some people are strange!

My girls go to school with hair in a variety of pretty hairstyles. I get the comments too. I'd rather my dds had hair back and tidy and find ponytails fall out/look messy by the end of the day.

I've had comments about lunch (or in our house tea) boxes too. Last night they had homemade macaroni cheese, which they warmed in the microwave at dancing. They often have homemade popcorn/veg sticks/ exotic fruits. Anything I can get them to eat and that is relatively healthy!

We also have letters from the tooth fairy, and a special pillow, a Christmas elf that delivers "early" Christmas Eve presents (Pjs and a book).

Little traditions like this are what my children remember and if other mothers are jealous that says more about them than my relationship with my children.

We also always enter the carnival fancy dress, in homemade costumes, and usually win... Which raises lots of eyebrows too. It's traditional for us and my children enjoy helping to make the costumes and then wearing them.

Bless you, OP, you sound like such a lovely mum!

Agree with Kelly!

Honestly, Mumsnetters sometimes really don't paint themselves in a good light. Don't you think some of these responses are seriously and ott:

"Tell her to go boil her head the miserable cow."

"Er... she sounds like a jealous bitch, and can't stand that you are the perfect mother!"

"Tell her to cock off.

Freak."

littleredsquirrel I have had that too! Sil told me I was cruel not giving my dd ketchup. She didn't fucking like it!!! But I was "cruel" and "all children like red sauce". Not my dd! If she'd wanted it then of course I'd have let her have a little. But she didn't!

avoid.
and don't tell her stuff... have I missed in the thread - did you tell her where you were camping & she booked it too? or was it coincidence?