I don't want to fly, it scares me and wish DH would stop trying.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I am sorry to post this here, but is DH right.

I have never been on a plane, don't wish to. The thought of it sends my heart into palpations.

I wish DH would just drop the subject of going abroad on holiday.

The uk have thousands of beautiful places, what is so special about abroad.

I don't enjoy flying at at.

I do it a couple of times a year to visit dad.

It's not a long flight.

We're thinking about going to NY.

I'm seriously considering not due to the flight, & I don't have a phobia.

It's more that is my interest in NY enough for the flight iyswim?

I don't think that OP ibu at all, and I can't see how her husband is helping.

Flying is a funny thing really. It's technically the safest form of travel but especially in today's world can be utterly terrifying.

We got married in Cuba, and when we booked to go we asked FIL (and MIL) if they would be able to come given that FIL hadn't flown for about 30 years due to someone drunk trying to open the door on his last flight.

He said he would, but actually, dropped out through this fear.

His wife is in LA right now, and travels every year without him. I feel sorry for him that he's letting this crippling fear stop him from experiencing the world... But more than that, I feel so sorry for MIL as he won't even try. I have friends who take diazepam to calm their nerves, and have read about fear of flying courses that apparently have a 99% success rate of attendees going on to chose to fly afterwards. But he won't even consider it.

OP, I went through a period (21-26 years old) of being terrified and refusing to fly. I had flown before, and have now flown since (in fact, I'm a decent flyer now) so no idea what changed in my early twenties.

Someone mentioned it upthread and I will concur. Information is power and the more TV programmes you watch (even those where there have been problems with planes) and the more books you read, the more you will start to familiarise yourself with the process of flying. Do you watch the Richard Hammond type engineering stuff? There's always planes on there (and how amazing they are).

There are lots of forums out there for people to ask questions to sympathetic pilots ("Can you really fly without engines?" and "When we take off, my tummy goes up and down and I feel like we're gaining and then losing height - why?") that might help you to start to approach the idea of flying.

There are also various internet sites run by such sympathetic pilots with step-by-step guides to what you might see, what you might feel, what you might hear. I watched videos of planes landing in dense dense fog (no problem whatsoever) and listened to what it sounds like when the landing gear pops out.

One such site (will try to find it but it was years ago I used it) gave me an exercise that really stuck with me which I'll repeat for you. Next time you are in a car going fast, wind down your window and stick your hand out (make sure you have clear space in front of you!). If you hold your hand upright, you can feel the effect of the wind battering it and it's difficult to control your hand movement. If you hold your hand flat, it lessens. Now here's the key part...If you hold your hand not quite flat so that the front (thumb side) is tilted down, you'll feel your hand pushed down. If you hold your hand slightly tilted upright, you'll feel your hand pushed up. That's how a plane's wings work - the air underneath forces them up. It's not a miracle that planes fly, it's not that we've tricked nature, it's physics. What pushes a plane upwards is a law of nature, not us getting away with anything. Laws of nature don't stop working.

If you are scared of the physical nature of the planes - big old beasts they are - then I recommend a bit of plane spotting, perhaps starting somewhere where they aren't too low!

When we take off, my tummy goes up and down and I feel like we're gaining and then losing height - why?

Just in case that idea fills you with fear, when you take off, you aren't actually gaining and losing height, it's just how your body perceives it.

Here is the website I mentioned:

www.fearofflyinghelp.com/

It was really useful to me.

PS "Enrolment" is just a couple of dropdown boxes, you don't have to register/pay/give emails etc.

In this day and age people are massively restricted if they choose not to fly. I am not keen on ferries at all. And avoid them when I can. They are far more dangerous than flying IMHO. If your DH persists I think you should go on one of those flying phobia type courses.

Sorry if anyone else has already said -

Excellent programme on the BBC last night about overcoming phobias.

You are far far far more likely to be killed or injured travelling by any other mode of transport than on a big plane - so the drive to the airport is the most dangerous part of the journey.

The pilots really really don't want to crash either.

Ferries make me anxious too but not as much as flying.

I see it that, I can swim, so if the worst was to happen on a ferry I'd be OK, that I can get out of a ferry if I needed to. I can't fly, so if the worst was to happen in a plane, I'm trapped in a metal tube and I'd be screwed. I know it's not rational, I know all the statistics, I got quite obsessive about it at some point, I know flying is safer, etc, etc, but it doesn't help.

Claustrophobia is a big part of my fear of flying.

I struggle being anywhere I can't get out of if I need/want to. I have a big thing about locked doors and windows even at home and always have to leave keys in locks

DH is terrified of heights, as someone who isn't scared of heights in the slightest, I can see he's being irrational. I know I'm being irrational, but all sense flies out of the window

Maid thanks for posting the link, I know I'm not the OP but I'm flying for the first time in years soon and I'm bricking it already so I'm going to give it a go

Stinkle Glad to help anyone. As I say, I found it amazingly useful. The video clips are fab - pilot views of fog/cloud/lightning, landing views, noise clips and so on.

Another thing that stuck with me from the website (not verbatim):
We are so keenly tuned in to bumps and wobbles in an aeroplane that they amplify in our heads to be ginormous movements. Have a look at the drink on the tray in front of you and you'll see that in normal flight, the liquid level is barely moving (if noticeably moving at all). Than think about what that same drink looks like on a tray on a train, or in a car, yet those wobbles and bumps we barely notice.

Whenever I feel "bouncy", I always look at my drink (and yes, there ALWAYS is one!)

KnittedJimmyChoos Wed 07-May-14 22:15:31

But what about her children?

I mean having a phobia of spiders is one thing, but curtailing whole family travel is another!

Thanks for all the replys. I will try and overcome this.

But if I can DH will just have to accept that this isn't something I can do.

I hate flying too but it's because I'm claustrophobic. To get over that i sit at the back of the plane and wear headphones with my iPad that I've loaded with DVDs to watch. It distracts me. My maximum flight time tolerance is 4 hours though. So as others have said, anywhere longer and I surf the net looking for alternative ways to get to places. It can be done.

If I were you, I'd visit the airport a few times with no intention of going anywhere. Just to watch the planes and see what being there is like. Also go on the fear of flying courses. Then when you are up to it, just a small flight. I flew to Guernsey. It was 45 mins max. No sooner were we fully up, then we had to start coming back down again.

good luck, op

Good luck OP. I am scared of flying and didn't fly for this reason for several years. I think my fear probably stems from an incident when I was about 16, when the plane came down to land in a storm, couldn't, and had to "take off" again and circle round for some time. No-one told us what was going on, so it was pretty scary - but the plane landed without problems later.

My husband was very keen for me to fly and I started again in about 2003. I still hated it and was very anxious before getting on, and throughout the flight (although mainly on take-off - I've never found landing as bad as it means we're nearly there - illogical, I know!). I have continued to fly at least annually and although I'm still scared, it's manageable. I've been to the States and more recently to China and Japan, which was one of my dreams, but I never thought I'd be able to get there because of my fear of flying. I've also flown on my own a couple of times, and we have taken our son on a plane to France - again, something I thought I would never be happy to do.

I didn't do any courses - I couldn't really see the point, as they ended up with getting on an aeroplane and flying round - to get precisely nowhere! I'd much rather get on a plane to go somewhere nice! My husband was very supportive and I just did it by building up slowly - short hops first, followed by longer haul flights. I also had rules, some of which have since fallen by the wayside - I wouldn't fly for work (I have now done that once), I wouldn't fly alone (as mentioned above, I've now done that twice) and I would only take direct flights, as two take-offs is just too much in one journey - I still stick to that one. I also only fly on larger aeroplanes as little propeller things scare the shit out of me. So I'm still a bit restricted, but I have been able to visit many more places than I could have otherwise. I know you can get to China by train or boat, but I don't have the extra weeks' holiday to spare to add on to my trip. We had 5 weeks in China and Japan and if I'd gone by train and boat, I think pretty much the whole of those weeks would already have been taken up travelling.

I definitely think it's worth trying to overcome the fear if you can. I am grateful to my husband for encouraging me to do it because I would have missed so many amazing experiences if I hadn't.

My friend has a prescription for anti-anxiety meds solely for the purpose of flying. It works for her.

OP, I was really afraid of flying until I got on a plane for the first time at age 25. It was actually so much easier than I thought it would be. There is something so UTTERLY unglamorous and boring about flights that you honestly are too fed up with being stuck in a big coach in the air to worry about 'not being in control'.

noone told us what was going on - yup, when a go-around is executed and the crew have to go into a new approach, they're bloody busy and cabin announcements should be their last priority. It happens, not too regularly but it's a routine thing.

I used to fly all the time for work when I was younger. I got increasingly scared to the point where I had to leave my job.

I tried hypnosis, it didn't work
I tried sedatives, they didn't work. They were pretty strong too.
I used to spend the whole time abroad dreading getting the plane back.
I'm not convinced about these course, as it isn't fear of flying that people are always afraid of, it's fear of being in an aircrash. And all the technical stuff in the world, and understanding about how things work isn't going to take away the fear of this, or the fear that there is a bomb on plane/plane will be shot down etc.

I actually think your dh is being unreasonable to try and force you on a plane.

Let him go on his own then.

My DP is not scared of flying, just not interested, wont put any effort into arranging or paying for a foreign holiday and doesn't see going abroad as something that is done because he grew up in poverty with a selfish drug addicted mother and father and never went anywhere, and was also taught by MIL that he 'what hes never had he wont miss'

Thats fine by me, hes not stopping me and our children going on holiday though, we will merely go without him. I think its utterly selfish to try and deprive your family of something like this because you don't see it as important/are 'scared'.

Can you compromise and travel on Eurotunnel/ferries etc? I do know it takes longer, and there will still be places you can't go - but it's a start. If you feel you're able to go to the classes, that's great - but you can still travel with your family in the meantime.

Op, you must be aware of the tunnel and so on and ferries? have you at least agreed to this?

why does your DH want to fly in particular?

why have you not been abroad at all as a family yet but via other ways...

its just your orginal op mentioned UK is wonderful, as if there was something against travel in general?///

Mrytledove
Someone who vomited at the sight of a spider, for instance, would absolutely have a real phobia of spiders

I was in a real life situation where there was a strong chance of a Cat, ie a Lion Or lioness close to me, and a spider in the hut I was in, I ran out and was prepared to face down a wild LION.

I didn't vomit, but would being prepared to face a wild Lion, and be attacked and eaten..... come under your interpretation of phobia?

Op

I dont think anyone would expect you to jump on a plane and if your DH saw your reaction to the plane...YES he is very selfish for pushing you without being creative and imaginative to come to another solution in terms of different forms of travel and a long program to help you over come your phobia.

On the other side though, seeing as you have this fear but never knew there was any help for it...it seems perhaps both of you ...need to work out how much travel is worth to you both and you both need to compromise, you into looking into and trying to over come this....and him into looking at other ways to travel.