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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to fly, it scares me and wish DH would stop trying.

149 replies

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 20:58

I am sorry to post this here, but is DH right.

I have never been on a plane, don't wish to. The thought of it sends my heart into palpations.

I wish DH would just drop the subject of going abroad on holiday.

The uk have thousands of beautiful places, what is so special about abroad.

OP posts:
ilovesooty · 07/05/2014 21:15

wowfudge the OP has already travelled to Amsterdam by coach.

The flying is the issue.

tripecity · 07/05/2014 21:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Theyaremysunshine · 07/05/2014 21:16

If you try to conquer your fears, BA course above, or hypnotherapy etc and you can't get passed it then you would NBU.

You haven't tried though, from what you've said, so you're confining all family holidays to the uk or horrifically long car/bus/train trips. So at the moment YABU.

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 21:17

I would love to travel America, it's my dream.

But I would rather forfit that dream because of flying.

OP posts:
lessonsintightropes · 07/05/2014 21:18

The US is an amazing country - we've been quite a few times and driven all over the States. Isn't the prize worth trying out a few of these methods?

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 21:18

I will look into courses.

I have been rather selfish

OP posts:
Koothrapanties · 07/05/2014 21:20

My dh was terrified of flying and for some unknown reason decided to watch a programme about plane crashes. Amazingly he felt better after watching it. He saw how incredibly well trained the pilots are and how rare problems actually are. We managed to fly to lanzarote and although he was nervous he coped brilliantly.

You need to work out what it is you are afraid of and try to tackle it. Travelling is an amazing experience and you and your dh will miss out on so much if you don't.

jenniferturkington · 07/05/2014 21:21

YABU. The world is out there, seek to overcome your phobia, and then go and see it.

summerbreezer · 07/05/2014 21:21

Don't beat yourself up, it is selfishness that comes from a need for self-preservation. As far as you are concerned, getting on an aircraft means certain death, and it isn't surprising you don't want to put yourself through that!

I know someone who did the BA course and now flies everywhere. At £295 it isn't cheap, but is apparently very good.

They go through the mechanics of aviation, do some CBT and at the end you have a 45 minute flight with the psychologist and BA cabin crew. Plus there are lots of other people there in the same boat (or plane!) so you an all support each other.

By the way, I'm not paid to advertise them! I'm sure there are other courses available.

ThinkIveBeenHacked · 07/05/2014 21:22

I would rather forfeit that dream

Its not just about you. Would you seriously be happy your DH amd DCs going away and having an amazing experience knowing that a part of them (more than half!!) wished you were there.

do it for them.

lessonsintightropes · 07/05/2014 21:22

I don't think you're selfish, I think you're scared, and those are two different things. Really glad to hear you're thinking about trying out a course. I hear the BA one is really good actually - my BIL was terrified of it but his academic job means lots of intercontinental flights for conferences and research etc and he's good now. (Always has several beers before take off though!) Good luck OP Flowers hope you manage to get past it.

DocDaneeka · 07/05/2014 21:22

I would agree that it is a bit selfish not to even try to overcome the phobia.

Sounds harsh but you haven't ever been on a plane? How do you know it is so bad. I'm sure you know that it is the safest form of transport. You are far more likely to come to some kind of harm on the drive to the airport.

I have some sympathy with a friend of mine who tried it and hated it, but to never have tried just seems to be a bit mean to your family who want you to travel with them

Mumonabroom · 07/05/2014 21:23

MN I'm not sure if I'm allowed to mention a provider, but I can highly recommend this course, it's well run and has a great success rate. My friend flies a lot for her job and used to treat each flight as a white knuckle ride. This course helped her cope and now she even enjoys it sometimes. The world is too beautiful to miss out on. I've worked in aviation for 12 years for various companies, doing various jobs, seen so many worried flyers on board and at airports. You're not alone, but there are ways of adapting. I hope you give flying a chance, even once.

www.flyingwithoutfear.co.uk

LRDtheFeministDragon · 07/05/2014 21:23

FWIW I don't think you are selfish.

I don't really understand this thread. You're prepared to compromise - you're not stopping him travelling and you'd meet him there if you could.

I do think for your own sake it'd be good to get over fear of flying - maybe first off, somewhere nearby?! - but if you don't, it's not the end of the world.

But then, I'm also bemused at the idea a crappy theme park is being set up as a 'magical' experience. Grin

DocDaneeka · 07/05/2014 21:24

Oops xposts.

He you do get flying OP. there's an Amazing world out there.

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 21:25

I have never been on a plane, not even seen one close in real life.

DH once tried to drive to an airport but I had a huge panic attack in the car park. I was trembling and felt like I was about to have a heart attack.

OP posts:
KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 21:26

I would feel guilty too, we are scrimping so my dc can see one new place a year, short city trip and one week uk holiday, i would consider the greatest gift to be able to travel with my DC and see new places with them....

if you can afford it i would be trying all kinds of things to over come the phobia...looking into every single way you can deal with it.

and as a couple, coming up with ways to take the dc abroad....even if you come up the rear as it were!

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 21:28

people do deal with phobias, its if you want to try..have you ever spoken to docs about it, got some tranquilers to help you?

lessonsintightropes · 07/05/2014 21:28

So it does sound like a phobic reaction - in which case slow desensitisation before you did any kind of airport course would probably be helpful as a first step (rather than spending the money and not being able to get past the car park) - as in the link I gave above. Do you live near enough one that you could drive there every week/10 days and just sit in the car park for a bit until you got the nerve up to go for a coffee inside the terminal? Once you are okay with that you'd probably get more out of the courses people have mentioned.

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 21:28

I don't even understand it myself, because I love fair ground rides. The bigger the better.

I have zip wired off bridges, I have dived off the highest diving board.

But a planes sends me into a panic.

OP posts:
Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 21:30

Nearest airport is 40 minutes drive.

OP posts:
BuzzardBird · 07/05/2014 21:31

I think this could be a very exciting new part of your life. Travelling to an airport to not fly anywhere shouldn't make you feel like this. I have seen amazing things done with hynotherapy. (on This Morning admittedly)

snakeandpygmy · 07/05/2014 21:31

I'm with you OP. I haven't been on a plane for about twenty years and I have no intention of ever doing so again. Even the thought of doing the course makes me panic.

I have been to lots of places by boat/car and train and if you treat the journey as an integral part of the holiday it makes it special. You get a real sense of place that you don't get by flying and you also get to see places that you would never think of visiting.

lessonsintightropes · 07/05/2014 21:32

Whilst a total PITA it's not so very far away that you couldn't go once a week for 6 weeks and have a course booked for the end of it perhaps? I think more frequently is better in terms of making up more ground every time you do it.

WhoDaresWins · 07/05/2014 21:32

You should try and conquer it. Because even if you can't, at least you can say to your DH that you tried?

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