I don't want to fly, it scares me and wish DH would stop trying.

[ICanSeeTheSun]

I am sorry to post this here, but is DH right.

I have never been on a plane, don't wish to. The thought of it sends my heart into palpations.

I wish DH would just drop the subject of going abroad on holiday.

The uk have thousands of beautiful places, what is so special about abroad.

Dear OP

I have a fear of flying. Attended Virgin course last year. Got on plane but to no avail. Not cured! Last year after being fed up with washout uk hols we went abroad via coach and had a great time. We are all off again in two weeks via coach to Spain. My children love it and have no idea about my fear.
Unless you have the phobia it's hard to understand. The coach works for us and my mother will take the boys on a flight at some point.

YANBU
Cruises are the answer. You can even take one to America.

I'm 55 and flew of the first time 2 years ago. I flew long haul last year and am doing the same in a few months. My son is in the states and I cannot ask him to come home every time. I wish someone would invent teleportation - I really do. But they haven't and I want to see my son so I grit my teeth and just do it. I was of the opinion that the UK was lovely - no need to go anywhere else. I was deluding myself.

I am sure one of those mahoosive house spiders could actually chase me onto a plane. I have been known to bolt from them.

I absolutely think the OP should get help for her phobia, but it should be her choice, like any kind of therapy.

Also a phobia of spiders is a proper phobia! But lots of people use 'phobia' to mean 'something I don't like' rather than 'something that gives me panic attacks and palpitations and affects my daily life'. That's what I mean by 'not a proper phobia'. Someone who vomited at the sight of a spider, for instance, would absolutely have a real phobia of spiders.

choosing not to fly when there are alternative modes of travel isn't life limiting. how could it be

some people got over their phobias. some people don't. it isn't mandatory.

I HATE any kind of fairground rides (even the kiddie ones) and would NEVER EVER consider a bungee or a parachute jump. So I am a properly qualfied scaredy-cat/wimp, .... and yet I rather enjoy flying!

I have flown a LOT now over the years, on all kinds of planes and short/long haul. I have experienced (minor) turbulence and an engine failure after take-off/return to airport but I wasn't really perturbed. I felt safe at all times.

It's boats which terrify ME! (That recent sinking in South Korea ... or the one off Italin coats ... that's what I am thinking most of the time I am on any kind of boat.) But I still go on them ... prefering a big one if I have to go.

With planes, I just have COMPLETE FAITH that a commercial pilot and all the safety checks they do before they fly will mean it'll be fine. (Cos it's really bad for business if they crash so I know they take safety very seriously!)

I have less faith in a lot of car/bus drivers to be honest .... who can kill you if they are drunk or if they are tired/bad drivers/have make a small mistake.

YANBU to fear flying .... as it's quite a common phobia and I do understand that it's an irrational fear. And a BIG problem to solve.

But YABU not to try to get around your fear, because if you DID, you could go to the US (which you said you'd love to visit) & your DH would be SO proud of you & pleased you could now go abroad with him.

So please try to see if you can get some help? (As I am sure it is quite CURABLE!)

As mentioned, there are special courses run at airport for (all the) people who hate flying. Also there's hypnotherapy maybe?

Really hope you manage to face this and conquer it. And do come back and let us know when you have!

Lots of luck OP!

Myrtle agreed, it's the OCD, depressed, anxious issue again. Unless you actually have them, it can be annoying for others who do to hear you use those terms. Like DH's imaginary 'migraines'. However, I was prescribed Valium for my fear of flying, had phobic avoidance, horrible symptoms and I still think OP should give treatment a whirl.

Forgot to mention have flown lots in my life but couldn't board plane for eight years. People made me feel bad for years for not flying so forked out for the course in a bid to cure myself and to shut them up. Even tonight following show on Vertigo I had a text to say if those people did it i could. Er.... tried course. Boarded plane. Confronted fear. What more am i meant to do? YANBU.

Middle phobias are treatable not always curable. Good for you trying to get support. It's a pity it didn't work but you tried, which is incredibly brave of you. The OP hasn't tried any professional help yet.

And, something is life-limiting if you want to do something, in this case go to the US with your children, and you don't because of it.

In the car park and I will try my best to explain.

It felt like I was going to die, I couldn't breathe it felt like the world was going to stop. The car felt like it was going to crush me but I was frozen to the spot. After DH drove away I was violently sick.

My DH is petrified of flying and we haven't flown for 10 years, which isn't great as before I met him I had travelled a lot and would love to visit loads more places. However, he really is petrified and so for last couple of years we have driven to France. DCs have really enjoyed it and at least we still get to go abroad. He did say he will fly next year as doesn't want DCs to miss out, but we will see if he does. I wouldn't want him to go away and spend the time abroad being petrified of flying home.

I have suggested fear of flying courses, but I don't think he wants to do it as might have to fly at the end! I have heard hypnosis is very good though.

And when people claim they will be proud.... do it for your kids etc i find the pressure hard. Do they think we are shaking and sweating for fun?

You can easily go abroad without going on a plane. If neither of you have travelled before, why not do something like catch a train or ferry to France? You might find that, once you've travelled a bit, you want to go further afield and the idea of going by plane is less scary.

It's by no means compulsory to travel by plane at all.

I don't do it for my kids. I do it so that they don't end up with my phobia. I also actually do it for myself because I love travelling and a lot of the places I want to go to are easier to get to by plane. you have to do it for yourself and you have to want to do it. hypnosis was brilliant - a real sceptic before I did it but it works. its not compulsory to fly obviously but it does mean you get places quicker. I also find being in control of the process helps - finding the flights, booking them, packing etc.

But what about her children?

Seeing their mother have a full blown panic attack (assuming a reaction here) is likely to terrify them as well - OP won't know how she'll deal (or otherwise) even after treatment until she's there.

I mean having a phobia of spiders is one thing, but curtailing whole family travel is another!

My DS's flight phobia has prevented us flying for years - it's not his fault but I wasn't about to drug him to unconsciousness or have him hospitalised (again) because he panicked.

If my DH had this phobia I couldn't help but feel bitter if he didn't at least try to work out how he could learn to over come it.

Do you have any idea how brutal it can be trying to overcome a phobia like this? Nightmares, cold sweats, hyperventilation, D&V...just some of the symptoms my DS has experienced during therapy. The therapy was his choice and DH and I have supported him completely, but I'd be lying if I said I hadn't wished he would stop for a while. DS is much improved but it has taken years and cost ££££ in therapy to get to this point.

I'm another one that hasn't flown for over 20 years. And perfectly happy not to. I hated flying beforehand for a number of reasons and just thought - why am I doing this? So stopped and am now much happier. DH is OK with it - he doesn't like flying but occasionally has to for work so will do so.

On the other hand, my mum rings me up every time there is a thing on the tv about the fear of flying courses or cut out every article about them. She doesn't get that I am quite happy not flying. I could do lots of the course easily - getting into a plane that isn't going to fly doesn't bother me, I know all the stats and the training the pilots do, I've read plenty of accident reports and seen the documentaries, I know people that have died in aircraft accidents and others that have survived them.

Hasn't stopped me travelling - I've made it to Europe, Asia and Africa. Cruises are brilliant - a lovely way to travel and enjoy a holiday. Trains are also great - seat61.com is a fantastic site that tells you how to get to pretty much every country (and major cities within the country) in the world from London. And ferries are a great way of getting to places in northern europe and even spain.

Going to some places it's much easier to go by train or drive there anyway - particularly within Europe.

Is it abroad that you don't want to go to or is it the flying bit to get there? Could you suggest a compromise and say that you would be willing to go to Paris/South of France/Belgium/Denmark/etc if you could go by ferry and drive, or get the train or coach? Book well in advance and use the advice from seat61 to get cheaper tickets on the trains - I've found railbookers.com to be really helpful and have reasonable prices.

Happy non-flying holidays!

My sympathies OP

I live overseas and fly a lot.

I wouldn't say I have a phobia as such, more like anxiety, not about the actual flying, it is airports,check in, immigration, getting there (I think the car will break down or something), not being able to park, getting the tickets mixed up etc etc. I am ok once at the gate and can see the plane - I drive everyone mad by having to be at the gate so early.
You'd think I'd get better the more I fly, but I'm actually getting worse.

I have to do it though, or I would never see my parents, sister, nephews and nieces, friends in the UK, and I'd be stuck in this quite frankly shitty country which is not my home. I feel the anxiety start to rise about 3 days before we leave, peaks about 6 hours before we leave the house. Immediately stops once I see the plane at the gate (so a bit different from other people who get worse once they see the plane)

My late grandad was scared of flying all his life. Wouldn't consider a holiday abroad, despite my gran trying to get him to do one of those newfangled packages to Spain in the 1970s. They had the money to travel, but stayed in the UK and ireland.
My parents were based in Singapore in the early 1960s and they could have come out and had a trip of a lifetime, but he just wouldn't consider it
In 1988 he was finally persuaded to go to Spain on one of those pensioners out of season packages. He loved the flight, absolutley loved it. THey started making plans about where they would go next, they were planning a trip to Greece, and Egypt and Italy were high on their destination list as well. He died in 1989 without ever getting on a plane again, and we still feel sad about the missed opportunities.

YY, fatowl - there is much more to not wanting to fly than being afraid of a crash.

I'm not bothered at all by the actual flying. I'm bothered by being stuck in a cramped seat for 8 hours. If I could have a private jet I'd fly all over the world.

Myrtle, that was the point I was trying to make - that a panic attack isn't to be taken lightiy and I think OP is being encouraged to "grit her teeth" by people who don't quite understand that. Sorry if I managed to come across as saying the opposite!

Ah op that's horrible.

My dd was involved in a fatal coach crash at 12. She was badly hurt but physically is ok now. However now both she and I have developed huge anxieties around travelling. Car/coach/plane although not train strangely enough.

We both have had therapy and it's helped but at the end if the day it still has to come from you. It's incredibly hard as for me I can't bear to see dd limiting her life opportunities as a teen and I/we have forced ourselves to fly since. It was hard but we did it.

Just wanted to say we( dd read the post too) understand and it's most definatly not selfish or silly. It's incredibly real.

I'm also phobic about flying but my DH really doesn't get it and nags constantly about holidaying abroad but he won't compromise by train/ferry/driving either

I was never very keen but an incident a few years ago involving oxygen masks and an emergency landing just about finished me off and I haven't flown since.

I did do one of those fear of flying courses but it didn't help in the slightest.

I've bowed to the almost constant pressure from DH and we've booked to go Ibiza in half term. It's giving me nightmares already so god knows what I'll be like on the day we leave, not to mention a bloody awful week away where I'm stressing about the return flight

Logically, I know all the statistics and it's safer than car travel, blah, blah, blah, a friend of mine is a pilot and he's even gone through the whole thing with me, but it doesn't help. My head knows all of this, but the fear overrules it

I'm terribly claustrophobic and absolutely terrified of crashing, so all in all I'm absolutely petrified

OP I used to dislike flying because I suffered from really bad claustrophobia. I could get on planes because it wasn't the thought of flying that made me sick but after they closed the doors I'd nearly have a full on panic attack at the thought of being shut in. It wasn't me thinking "I don't like this" but rather a strong physical reaction to an unconscious fear.

But I paid privately for hypnotherapy and CBT and it's just gone away - honestly, I've experienced fire drills on the underground which were horrible and not experienced anything near the same level of side effects of that initial panic attack.

Please get some help - it has improved my life immeasurably and you will be so relieved to not have this worry anymore.

My mother has always been absolutely petrified of flying!!! She went on holiday 2-3 times a year but always to Europe and always by coach and ferry.

A few years ago her partner somehow managed to convince her to get on a plane and we were all Gobsmacked because her fear was so, so genuine and for the past 30 years of her life she'd absolutely refuse. Turns out she had gone to her GP who prescribed her sedatives for the flight and apparently she was completely out of it - she said she can barely remember being at the airport, let alone flying

However, she's aid the sedative really knocked her about and it took about 48 hours for it's effects to wear off and said she'd never do it again. So that flight was her first and last. She's now back to taking the coach and ferry

I haven't read all the replies, but have you seen the Man in Seat 61 website? You can get to plenty of holiday destinations without flying. You could get the train to Southern Spain or Italy for example or drive to France.

I have met a few people in the past who refuse to fly for environmental reasons so unless their partner is of the same mindset they may be in a similar situation.