Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I don't want to fly, it scares me and wish DH would stop trying.

149 replies

ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 20:58

I am sorry to post this here, but is DH right.

I have never been on a plane, don't wish to. The thought of it sends my heart into palpations.

I wish DH would just drop the subject of going abroad on holiday.

The uk have thousands of beautiful places, what is so special about abroad.

OP posts:
chibi · 07/05/2014 22:14

i have read the thread, thanks for the handy hint.

if OP wants to overcome her fear, there are things she can try. they may or may not work. if she doesn't want to overcome her fear, that's ok too.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:15

If you're going to undertake treatment do it for YOUR own dream not your husbands

But what about her children?

I mean having a phobia of spiders is one thing, but curtailing whole family travel is another!

If my DH had this phobia I couldn't help but feel bitter if he didn't at least try to work out how he could learn to over come it.

If he didn't try and just said " stop trying to make me" I would feel very bitter..

If he tried every which way....money allowing....and still couldnt, fair enough.

You see to me the worst that could happen is, you do eventually work on it and at least come to a point where you are able to get on a plane, and get through it, as lots of people with this fear do....and then you realise it was bad but not that bad...and...you wish you had done it sooner and all that wasted time you will never get back! That to me is the worst case scenario..

I have known varying degrees of this, one friend was terrified, avoided even short hall etc, but had to do one long haul for work...got in a bad patch of turbulence, really really bad! Then his work took off and had to fly long haul, but there was no way round it, it was either fly or stop the business ...he had too and he did it and does it.

to lower grade fear, dealt with by stiff drinks, tranquilers and so on.

thenightsky · 07/05/2014 22:16

I've just been watching a programme on BBC1 about conquering the phobia of heights. It explained how these fears become entrenched in people's minds and then took a group of phobic people on a journey/programme to overcome it. It explained all about the physiology (rapid heart beat, panic etc) and what you can do to overcome these. Everyone was cured at the end.

Perhaps you could find it on Iplayer and watch it for inspiration. I have a dental phobia, so I know about fear, and watching it has inspired me to get to grips with myself and sort my teeth out.

subtleplansarehereagain · 07/05/2014 22:16

If you like fairground rides, you might prefer being on a little plane! maybe you could go up in a Tiger Moth or other light aircraft, then you would know whether it was the Actual Flying or the Airport Experience that you don't like.

Original poster
ICanSeeTheSun · 07/05/2014 22:17

I want to make my husband happy.

OP posts:
chibi · 07/05/2014 22:17

is it helpful to try and make someone feel guilty about a phobia?or just twatty?

hmm.

Topseyt · 07/05/2014 22:19

I can sympathise. Not that I fly very often, but whenever I do I am a very nervous flier - I live for when the first bar service of the flight comes around and I can calm my nerves with a G & T. I find I do cope better then, plus I watch some of the in-flight entertainment if we are not on one of the no-frills airlines.

I am another who used to love flying as a child. My fear of it also kicked in as an adult. For me take-off and landing are the worst bits. If the bit in between goes smoothly then I count that as a good flight. The holidays we have been on when we have flown have been very worthwhile though.

I am glad you are considering getting help with your phobia. I have heard good things about the British Airways course. Perhaps taking some tablets such as Kalms before setting off to drive to an airport would help. I find they do calm me when I am apprehensive about something (anything).

subtleplansarehereagain · 07/05/2014 22:20

knitted surely the children are better off with a happy mum on holiday with them, than one who is terrified and dreading the return journey?

Lots of people grow up never travelling outside the uk, it's not the end of the world.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:21

I dont know Chibi, I have a fear of spiders, I have been up close ad personal with some rather nasty ones abroad....I am like a magnet for them...do I want to go to Australia again.....NO NO NO....or worse sleep in the bush

If I started a thread saying, its my DH dream to take the dc to oz but I don't want to go I am scared of spiders I wish he would stop asking me.....

I would expect similar responses to be honest.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2014 22:23

I had a terrible phobia of flying. I had to take Valium to do it for a few years. I kept on and on doing it (I had to, I live somewhere away form family) and it has diminished. Now I fly relatively happily. I just got back from China!

You CAN get over this. It is just a fear. You know how I know that? Because you are happy for your DH and DC, who you love, to do it. It MUST be irrational then, mustn't it? The rest is just treatment and facing it and help and support.

chibi · 07/05/2014 22:24

really? you vomit when you think about being around spiders? palpitations and hot and cold flushes from adrenalin surges? inability to sleep? nightmares?

because these are just some of the things that a phobia can entail. it is not 'ooh i don't really fancy flying, but unpleasant really'

she can travel without flying.

manicinsomniac · 07/05/2014 22:24

The problem with a phobia of flying is that most phobias are totally irrational whereas a fear of flying is almost irrational but not quite.

A small space, a house spider, a banana, a height (on its own), a foreigner or whatever other weird and wonderful phobia you have cannot logically do you any damage at all. The chances of coming to harm on a flight might be infinitesimally small but the chance is actually real.

For me that makes getting over it very difficult and gives me a complete lack of faith in anything like hypnotherapy. All the woo woo in the world can't take away a potential danger.

OP, I really think the only way is to grit your teeth, tell yourself that the fate of the flight is completely unconnected to how you feel about it and go for it anyway.

Another thing that helped me was looking around at all the small children with their parents on the flight. Exposing your child to harm goes against all paternal instinct and really gave me confidence that everybody else on the flight had faith in it iyswim.

subtleplansarehereagain · 07/05/2014 22:27

Have any of you saying "hey, just get over it/grit your teeth/ you'll love it once you're up" ever had a panic attack on an aeroplane?

I have. They had to give me an oxygen mask because I couldn't breathe.

It is not something hou want to take a chance on having.

MyrtleDove · 07/05/2014 22:27

The OP's husband doesn't have a right to fly, though. It would be nice but it's not a necessary part of life.

Treatment for a serious phobia is essentially medical treatment and the OP is the only one who has the right to decide whether or not she has it, it has to be for her and not her husband. Being pressured into doing it is not right.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:28

CHIBI YES!

I have a fear of spiders!

I have a phobia of spiders.

subtleplansarehereagain · 07/05/2014 22:28

OP,if you want to go to the States, book the QE2 and cruise there.

EverythingsDozy · 07/05/2014 22:31

I don't think you're selfish, I think you're frightened, which is fine!

I have flown a fair bit. Not loads like some people do for business but regular holidays since I was around 7yo so flying for about 17 years.

Obviously, I'm still here! You're more likely to die in a car than you are in a plane, they have excellent safety records so I wouldn't worry about that. And generally, flying is boring as hell! Take off and landing are exciting but taxiing is so drab, you just sit there. It's like being on a train but more boring because it's stiller.

Where do you live? Maybe you should try a holiday to Ireland or somewhere like that. Somewhere that is a short flight (from here it's only about 30 mins to Ireland) but if you feel you can't get back on the plane, a ferry wouldn't be that bad home! I hope you get this sorted!!!

MyrtleDove · 07/05/2014 22:31

subtleplans seriously - you can't grit your teeth through a panic attack!

I don't have a specific phobia but I have a social anxiety disorder, and a panic attack is not something to be taken lightly.

People are confusing genuine phobias that require professional treatment with a general dislike or fear of something. I don't like spiders but they don't make me have panic attacks or palpitations or nightmares. It's not the same thing.

mummymeister · 07/05/2014 22:31

I have a legitimate fear of flying due to an "incident" which I am sorry but I cannot write about. I got to a point where even planes overhead or in films made me feel physically sick. I went to a hypnotist and I take drugs. I don't enjoy flying. I don't choose to fly but I didn't want my DC's to grow up never having flown or to be scared of it. so I swallow my pills I put on the headphones and listen to my tape.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:31

Have any of you saying "hey, just get over it/grit your teeth/ you'll love it once you're up" ever had a panic attack on an aeroplane?

I think most people realise its a long haul, it will take time, and patience and all sorts of different attacks to try and get op on a plane...

However, a few people have said on here they had a fear of flying that they have conquered....

I certainly know a few people with varying degrees that have managed to get on a plane and fly.

If op is adamant she doesnt want to even try and have a go, well she needs to work on closing her DH down.

JSG07 · 07/05/2014 22:31

I flew every year of my life until I was 19. I began to get scared when I was 15 but I had cultural exchanges to do so I had no choice but to fly. Then when I was 19 I had a really bad flight, in the pitch dark, AWFUL turbulence and it scared me so much that I thought it wasn't worth it after that. DD1 went on holiday with her father so that was OK - basically it took me ten years to get back on a plane and I needed diazepam to do it!! I've now flown to Spain and back twice, inc on my own with girls, and just last week I got back from a three week holiday in Florida which involved four flights in total. I didn't like it, but I did it. And you know what? It's ALWAYS worth it. You are missing out on so much if you don't try and conquer your fear. Good luck!

Topseyt · 07/05/2014 22:32

I have to say my terror of large spiders would far outweigh my fear of flying. I know that is irrational, especially here in the UK where spiders are mostly harmless, but phobias are by definition irrational.

Flying is just about the safest form of transport the world over. Fear of it is understandable because as a species we were not designed to fly, but we can rationalise it because we know it is statistically so very safe.

MrsTerryPratchett · 07/05/2014 22:33

FFS some of us on here are saying to the OP to get help and YES have had proper phobias. Phobias are treatable and, if they are life-limiting, should be treated. I have a friend who used to have panic attacks and palpitations in a certain kind of shop (don't want to out IYSWIM). Should someone never go in a certain shop or past one forever because they have a phobia? No, they should get treatment. Not just suck it up for the team, but get treatment. OP wants to travel, has a DH and DC who want to travel, she should try treatment obviously not just get on a plane.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:33

I have to say my terror of large spiders would far outweigh my fear of flying. I know that is irrational, especially here in the UK where spiders are mostly harmless, but phobias are by definition irrational

same here....funny on a thread about fear and phobias that suddenly a phobia about spiders isnt worth much Confused and not the same.....

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 22:36
  • Phobias are treatable and, if they are life-limiting, should be treated

This is the nub, life limiting you get one life....