Not to have turned up to this with a present...?

[Penguinator]

DS and I were recently invited to the 1st birthday party of one of the babies from our NCT group (we're not close friends with the parents but get on well and meet up as a group from time to time). Before attending I made the decision not to get involved with buying presents for every child whose party we were invited to, as there are likely to be so many that we'd end up spending a small fortune (DH was recently made redundant so we are on a tight budget, which meant we weren't able to spend much on our own DS's birthday). Instead we showed up with a card for the little boy. I emailed his mum the next day to thank her for inviting us, and her reply included a slightly passive-aggressive remark about how lovely it was that her son had so many presents to open the next day (we handed her the card at the party so she knew we hadn't brought one). I'm not normally tight when it comes to gifts but I generally restrict them to close friends. AIBU to think it's unnecessary to buy a present for every child's birthday party, or did I make a massive faux pas? DS is my first so I'm new to this!

YABU! You go to the party, you take a gift. A £1 book would have done.

I'm with Ehric. You take a gift the same way you take a bottle of wine if invited to dinner. There are plenty of lovely things for children that cost ever so little.

I would have got something even if it was from the pound shop.

It would seem bad manners not to get something.

No . Any one worth knowing wouldn't bat an eye !
My friend gave my dd a home made pot with sand and pebbles in - with some odds and ends like buttons and small plastic animals too . My dd loved shaking it and turning it to see the weird collection ! Best and cheapest gift yet !

Uhm.. You always bring a gift to a birthday party. Always.

I do think YABU; a book or small toy would have been sufficient but I think that the Mum shouldn't have sent a snotty e-mail.

Party invite always = a present, sorry.

I think its always polite to bring something when invited to someone's home, if we were invited for a meal I would always take a bottle of wine, or chocolates or flowers. I would always take a small gift too if invited to a party so I think YWBU. Mind you I think she was pretty rude for mentioning it.

It would be nice to turn up without a present but most people do turn up with a present of somesort. You could go on the book people and buy 10 books for £9.99 and have 10 presents with a small outlay.

YABU

Yes, you should have brought a small token gift (you can buy a big box of books cheaply from the book people for example). You/your ds must have more of a social life than my dc's though as they get invited to 2 parties a year each maximum.

I'm afraid I do think it's rude to turn up empty handed. Ehric is right, these days you don't need to spend more than £1 to buy a little book. Having said that, the other mum really should have shown more decorum and not mention it at all.

I would always take a present to a child's party tbh. Fair enough it's a pain in the arse and an expense you could do withoutb etc, but unfortunately it's expected.

Yep, you 'should' have a taken a present. But then she 'shouldn't' have pulled you up on not taking one, so she's just as bad!

Lesson learned for next time!

You always bring a gift to a child's party unless the parent specifies otherwise. You could have got a 20p book from a charity shop or something.

You should take a present. Something small value insignificant? I used to look in charity shops for nice kids books 20p each. Look new. Job done? Just need to keep an eye out & I now have a present drawer for those birthdays.

You bring a gift to a birthday party. A token gift will do.

The mum may not have remembered that you did not bring a gift, so her rudeness may have been unintentional.

YABU.

You made a faux pas there op.

A token gift even from Poundland would have been nice.

Doesn't matter if you don't know them very well, you were invited to a 1st birthday party.

Is this your pfb? As you'll learn the protocol if it is. If it's your 2nd/3rd + dc YABU.

Erm sorry but I think you were a bit rude.

I think that you were unbelievably rude. You can buy little presents really cheaply. A suggestion would be to stock up in advance and have a stash. As others have said, the book people is a good option. I also buy cute bubble baths for a couple of ££ or buy in the sales, M&S were selling loads of toys off for £3 after Xmas and I stocked up there but it's not ok to go without a present.

I wonder if she hadn't realised that you'd never bought a present and her email was a vague one incase you had and she felt bad she wasn't thanking you for the specific thing you'd brought.

From the above responses you can see that she wouldn't be out of turn thinking that you'd brought something and then feeling terrible that she didn't know what you'd bought. I don't think she was meaning to make you feel bad, only covering herself incase you had brought something.

Eek, a pretty unanimous verdict then! Good tip re accumulating a drawer of small presents for such occasions - I'd better start one! Parenting: a whole new world of politics and potential to cause offence

Agree with everyone else. You go to a birthday party, you take a present. Always. It can be home made or cheap as chips, but you must take something.