How the bloody hell do I stop my cat being such a complete git?

[AtYourCervix]

Breakfast.... 7am .... at least 3 courses.

Sleeps all day (usually on clean washing)

Wakes up and demands lunch 3 or 4 times at 11, 12 and 2pm.

Supper...5pm....eats all his own, steals from other cat and dog. Demands pudding At least twice.

Second supper 7.30pm

Third supper 8pm

From first supper until 8.30pm he will shout, bang doors and windows until someone lets him in or out. Over and over again.

9pm final demand to go out.

Over night...... will shout to go in and out a few times. Leaves assorted rodents strewn in bits over the drive and garden. Has discovered the joys of eating rabbits.

He only wants to be nice and sit on a lap when I am either on the lav or wet from the shower. He smells delicious. But is such a complete bastard. He can't be ignored as he is too loud.

How do I turn him into a nice cat?

And he eats in a bizarre scooping maner that scatters catfood all over the place.

And he always has muddy feet.

He sounds full of character

I currently have a dog and cat wanting food

Cgaracter?

I'll give him sodding character when he wakes me up at 5am demanding breakfast. Git.

I want to know what are the three courses he gets for breakfast

Seriously. I can't shut him in or out as he's too bloody noisy.

Usually catfood then crunchies then leftover fog food. Followed by more crunchies.

have you seen that video on youtube of the cat waking up it's owners (!) by slipping his paw under the door and twanging the doorstop over and over

bung a photo up and we can all say "awww" and think you an unreasonable baggage!

Mine is guilty of a lot of this, but he also always wants to hog the laptop and stamps all over the keys. He will not accept 'no'. He turned the screen sideways yesterday!

Smile at him and ask him politely to understand your frustration - if he says no then I'm afraid you're fucked - there's no hope left so you have 3 choices -

1)Accept him as he is.
2)YOU move out
or
3)Accept him as he is.
:)

ha! mine sleep all day then choose 1am as a suitable time to chase each other around the house, knocking things over as they go. ggrrr!

Err you don't. What you do is learn your place, stop complaining and get on with it

Git.

He's all fluffy and wuffy

You're his slave remember, you don't get to complain - he might hear you and drop a dismembered rat on your pillow

Leave home for a few days and get a strict cat sitter, stick to cat sitter regime upon return. Get a cat flap.

Your cat rules. Just get over it and value him for the obviously cool individual he is.

I do love black cats. Even him. Even if he is a git I still love him. The in and out and in and out drives me bats.

Does he eat a whole bowl of dry in one sitting?

I've let mine have free reign at the dry during the day since they were kittens (they get wet food twice a day) and they don't over eat and are self regulating. There are methods to train you're cat if you google.

Have to say I'd look medically at whether he was just greedy (or needed worming - some tic aren't great) before that though.

*otc

Gorgeous cat, but seriously, your cat could have worms. Get a Drontal tablet from your vet and things should improve quite quickly, if it does not get any better try a different brand of food. As a last resort have a blood test to check nothing is wrong with him.

TCP x

He's been drontalled regularly but possibly is wormy because of the hunting. How long does drontal last? Can't remember. He's incredibly greedy.