To want to enjoy a meal in peace without badly behaved children running riot around the restaurant

[Rhine]

Last night I went out for a meal with my mum. It was supposed to be a nice evening out for us, but it was spoiled by a family sat next to us who allowed their two kids to run riot around the entire restaurant. The kids were around about eight or nine, so not little bored toddlers and certainly old enough to know better. The little boy had a toy gun and he was running around pretending to "shoot" his sister, they were obviously getting under the feet of the staff who were trying to work and at no point did either parent or grandparent tell them to stop and behave themselves.

They were running in and out of the restaurant, around the grounds (could see them through the window) then back in again and all round the buidling itself.

I don't mind children being in restaurants, far from it, and there were other families in there who's DC's were behaved implacably. I could hear the family saying it was the mothers birthday and it was obviously a family celebration, but when I go out for a meal I don't want someone else's bad parenting spoiling it. I wasn't allowed to behave like that in public, and I won't allow my DC's to do either.

AIBU to think that people should make their children behave in places like that?

It all just sounds like too much hard work to me. We very rarely eat out with DS, and when we do, there's two of us and one of him.

I literally never ate out as a kid, nobody did then that I can remember. Sometimes it's convenient to pop in somewhere when you're out and about but family meals etc involving large mixed tables, no bloody way.

I'd rather wait until I can sit and eat my food hot, and without suffering from parental embarrassment. So I eat out without DS.

He'll be old enough soon, we'll have many years of enjoyable meals together once he's past the tearing about stage.

Exactly Morris. Know its a cliche but we ate out in Sardinia the restaurant opened at 8 full of young children every single one beautifully behaved sitting at tables lots of family groups having a lovely evening. The worst thing dd did was quietly Hoover up our entire starter for four of very expensive local posh ham

Racing about = not acceptable. My DS has SN (but looks 'normal') - trust me, it's better for everyone if he has an electronic device to keep him quiet until the food comes. He really doesn't like food at all but sometimes you need to eat out so he's forced to come too. He can't colour or do any of the normal things that children quietly do to amuse themselves for reasons that are too long and dull to go into but he didn't get his dx until quite recently and he's now 7. So it's been 7 long years of either us never eating outside the house or never accepting an invitation to lunch. Or an acceptance on the part of my friends (and thankfully my friends don't do blanket bans) that my child is different to theirs. And hurrah, I finally have a 'reason' for his bad behaviour which proves his inability to sit and colour in quietly isn't down to my crap parenting.

Exactly what Evans said. Electronic devices (and reading books) = absorbing and exclude the surrounding company, no social skills building at all. Playing with a toy or drawing/colouring - you can still talk to the child about what they're doing, or they can tell you about it if they choose.

I do NOT allow books or reading at the table either, not even at home. I think that's just as rude as playing on some electronic device, or using your phone. IF we go out for a meal as a family then we should be interacting as a family, not each in their own separate little world (Note: these rules are for MY family. They do not apply to children with SN or other difficulties)

I was having lunch in a restaurant recently with a friend. There was a baby about ten months old in a high chair at a nearby table. He was happily playing with a plastic book, occasionally looking around him and smiling at any random person who caught his eye - and was basically being cute and no trouble at all.
Then his idiot father starting playing peek a boo with a napkin and the child went into a frenzy of excited, ear splitting, shrill screeching every time his dad lowered the napkin. This went on and on. Luckily we were nearly finished and were able to quickly pay and leave, but it must have been very annoying for other diners. I've seen other parents in restaurants also play games like this that send their kids into paroxysms of loud screams to the annoyance of people around them.

"It depends on the level of noise though zazzie. If a child is screaming or wailing it's head off then the parents should bring them outside. It is unfair on other diners to expect them to put with an intrusive level of noise."

I take my son outside if he appears distressed and I think that going outside would help - which would be most times that he is persistently screaming. I won't take him outside just because some people find the noise he makes due to his disability, intrusive. He finds a lot of noise that other people make intrusive but has to put up with it.

Summer - I get what you say. There's a fine line between children/babies screeching and playing nicely and occasional laugh.

The father, in this instance, I have to say probably wasn't thinking. But I bet the looks you would have got if you/restaurant staff dared to mention that it was a bit loud...

I really think some parents also don't think and seem to think that babies/children should act how they like (eg loud etc) regardless of other people (who may/may not be parents) who are trying to have a nice meal/lunch. Places like Harvester or kid friendly places I sort of think loud behaviour is a given though.

YANBU, running around a restaurant is unacceptable whatever time it is or type of restaurant it is. It's dangerous too, people are carrying hot food and drinks.

Providing they're quiet I don't care what people give their kids to do in a restaurant. Only if they're bothering me does it enter my consciousness. I think running about and bothering people is dire.

YANBU but I am always surprised people don't SAY anything in these situations. If I see a child tearing around a restaurant I stop them, give them my best scary face and say "this is not a playground, go and sit with the gown-ups who brought you here". It generally works. I also always complain to the restaurant manager and tell them if they can't get the people to control their children, they are failing to provide a pleasant dining environment and I expect a reduction in my bill.

I never complain because I'm too scared of what the adults will do in retaliation.

I had a meal in a restaurant ruined once by a mother who sat there calmly sipping her wine while her small baby screamed its poor head off for ages. This was at about 9pm in a city centre restaurant. We mentioned it to the waiter when we were paying and he didn't charge us for our carafe of wine. But I really felt they should have done something at the time. It was a small restaurant and we weren't the only ones throwing annoyed looks at the mother.

I work in a shop - a craft shop, and we regularly get parents come in with children on scooters - and have to ask them to leave them outside - or leave... you don't just get the idiots in restaurants...

we also get parents saying - "oh just go play with that stuff whilst we look around...." it is a shop... that "stuff" is for sale - it is not a playground...

Parenting seems to be of the more "relaxed" lazy sort a bit more often nowadays... mine are only 11 and 13, but something seems to have changed lately which seems to state that kids need to be indulged at all times...

you don't just get the idiots in restaurants

True. A while back I was in the library and two boys who were definitely old enough to know better (between 10 and 12 I would say) were racing around the shelves playing some sort of tag game.

Now I am not an advocate for keeping a reverent hush in a library (although in the reference section where people go to study I think disturbances should be kept to a minimum) and I think the children's corner in our library with its inviting displays, comfy sofas and regular story sessions is great for encouraging small children to think books are fun. But racing around playing noisy tag games is just taking the piss.

Eventually a member of staff said something to one of the boys and then the father, who had been happy to ignore them up until then, seemed embarassed and took the boys out.

YANBU. My older kids (8 and 10 ) are ok in restaurants and similar places. Even if bored they can entertain themselves without bugging anyone else. I was quietly smug about my lovely well behaved children and lapped up the compliments. However meet my 3rd child (she's just turned 5) she is incapable of sitting still and is up and down like a blue arsed fly. She's loud and is very vocal when "forced" to behave. She has no patience whatsoever. I dread having to inflict her on other diners. In consequence we hardly ever go anywhere nice. Me and dh take it in turns to stay with her outside or as she did at the last place we went to exhausted herself dancing on the otherwise empty dancefloor. It's very early days but I do have concerns about her behaviour as does her teacher but until we start the process of knowing for sure and I find out that she is just being a PITA I'll just put up with the stares, comments about my parenting skills and shivering in the cold. I'm always relieved when I see other kids playing up but with parents trying to control them (I recognise the ill disguised look of despair, the fear of what is about to come and the easy to carry light jacket and pack of fags in my case. :o) Reminds me that I'm not alone.

Wait, I certainly wouldn't be cross with a parent (or call them an idiot) for playing peekaboo with their child. I was in a restaurant when such a thing was happening and the baby's delighted giggles had our half of the room in stitches. It was lovely. We were in a Cantonese restaurant if that makes any difference.

YANBU!

I was in McDonald's (fair its a family food establishment but not a bloody playground)

it was on the high street and this family had 2 children girl and boy of about 8 & 9 and they had one of the sit on pedal bikes in the restaurant literally riding around all the tables bumping in to people not apologising and screaming at the top of their lungs as they chased each other about at which point the children were arguing over who's turn in was on the bike and the boy pushed his sister off it with some force (cue crying from girl) and continued to smash into other diners and people walking in an out of the building.

At NO point did the parents to anything except sit there and atuff there faces! I was horrified and seriously biting my tongue its only thanks to DP that we managed to get out without me having a firm word with the parents.

In McDonald's I expect loud excited kids playing with theor happy meal toys at their tables but in no way should kids be allowed to run riot! This is the same in shops with kids on their scooters trying to go as fast as they can bashing the ankles of other customers and knocking over stands etc

unfortunately this lazy parenting seems to be taking over and I see it more and more. Parents seem to avoid confrontation with their children to extremes and wouldb rather let them do what they want than deal with a temper tantrum when asking them to stop.

Definitely feel for you OP. Just grrrrr

I don't know what to say. Myself i was that sort of child. Sitting and waiting for a meal (which i did not want anyway) with parents yapping about their work was extremely boring. I wanted to play, especially if there other children around.
If i go out with my dc, i try to choose places which have space/facilities for children to play.
So i'm not too judgy about running kids.

I'm not talking about delighted 'giggles' yourma I'm talking about ear piercing shrill screams over and over. Totally different.

Summer - I agree with you, there's a difference.

I've been sat in a restaurant where next to my table the toddler is wailing and being placated in equal measures. The funniest moment was when he chucked something on his highchair and it landed next to my friend! It wasn't hard (soft toy?!) but it spilled her glass of wine. Cue horrified shock horror from parents wanting to replace wine. But still they stayed... why?! and there was no-one taking toddler away from this apart from toilet breaks. My friend and I ate and ran.