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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to enjoy a meal in peace without badly behaved children running riot around the restaurant

120 replies

Rhine · 07/05/2014 09:58

Last night I went out for a meal with my mum. It was supposed to be a nice evening out for us, but it was spoiled by a family sat next to us who allowed their two kids to run riot around the entire restaurant. The kids were around about eight or nine, so not little bored toddlers and certainly old enough to know better. The little boy had a toy gun and he was running around pretending to "shoot" his sister, they were obviously getting under the feet of the staff who were trying to work and at no point did either parent or grandparent tell them to stop and behave themselves.

They were running in and out of the restaurant, around the grounds (could see them through the window) then back in again and all round the buidling itself.

I don't mind children being in restaurants, far from it, and there were other families in there who's DC's were behaved implacably. I could hear the family saying it was the mothers birthday and it was obviously a family celebration, but when I go out for a meal I don't want someone else's bad parenting spoiling it. I wasn't allowed to behave like that in public, and I won't allow my DC's to do either.

AIBU to think that people should make their children behave in places like that?

OP posts:
Thumbwitch · 07/05/2014 14:27

I am rotten to my sons though - they're not allowed electronic devices in the car either.Grin Books, toys - yes. Electronics - no. We've been on some pretty long bloody drives with them too! I can see I might have to re-think this stance with DS2 as he gets bigger; DS1 was far more biddable and we didn't even have a tablet or anything until he was 4. DS2, otoh, has grown up with having the tablet around and, at 19mo, is pretty used to playing with it.

But it's not allowed at the dinner table - we have dinner around the table every night, so they're used to no devices at the table. I realise it is a bit different at restaurants, with the wait and everything, hence allowing crayons and toys there - but nothing annoying.

Whathaveiforgottentoday · 07/05/2014 14:40

Yanbu. We take a whole bag of things to keep them quiet including nintendo (only allowed with the sound down) in restaurants and they are expected to sit nicely and have good table manners.
At home they are not allowed anything else at the table but unlike a restaurant there aren't generally long periods while you wait for your food. My eldest struggles to sit still at the best of times so she needs something to occupy her. I have taken her home half way through a meal, leaving DH and the rest of the family, when she was being naughty.
If they can't behave in a restaurant, don't take them there.

SuperFlyHigh · 07/05/2014 14:43

halfdrunk personally unless children are old enough to know not to run around (without being told not to) I think letting them "wander around a little bit but not causing chaos" is a big risk.

Children don't often "wander round without causing chaos" - unless maybe there's one child. 1 or 2 are far too tempted in my experience to rush about. also there's far too much that can go wrong, waiter can maybe almost miss a child when they're carrying hot plates etc... children may not know where to go/not to go eg near the kitchen etc.

Children should really be not seated when going in/out of the restaurant, going to toilet and if for special treat waiter etc brings them to watch chefs (have had that as a child myself) or watch cocktails being made. otherwise way too risky!

Nummer · 07/05/2014 14:47

5foot5 I would guess that they do sit to eat at school where they know the boundaries but I don't know for sure. However it could be for as little as 5-10 minutes - at my dcs' school they have to sit and eat for at least 10 minutes then there is a bell to let them know they are allowed to go and play if they've finished. I think there was an issue with some children not eating anything because they just wanted to play.

mijas99 · 07/05/2014 14:58

I live in Spain and here it is normal for children to run around at restaurants. Most people love it because people like other people's children (generally), they like the atmosphere that it creates. Sometimes you may even have an extra guest at your table if another child comes to say hello, brilliant. My son has been adopted by other tables before to "give us a break"

Obviously it is a bit easier in Spain as a lot of places have terraces and public squares near the restaurants, but it is usual to be maybe having a drink and have a football fly past. Again, its great, one of the reasons why we live here

There is quite a posh restaurant where we live that serves things like blue lobster, oysters etc, expensive and great quality. They have bouncy castles and trampelines for the children and games inside the restaurant so children are always running in and out. I've often wondered what mumsnet would make of that. For me, it is the very definition of a civilised society. Families and society at one, and everybody enjoying themselves

hanginginthere1 · 07/05/2014 16:27

YANBU. A few months ago ,OH and myself went for lunch to a local restaurant. We are seated at a table with banquette type soft seats that ran the length of the whole wall. Half way through our starters, we looked up to find that the man on the table just along from us had proceeded to lay his young baby down and change its nappy. we complained to the waiter, but he was finished before anything could be done. We couldn't believe our eyes!

ThisIsLID · 07/05/2014 16:30

mijas you see for me I would say YY to children running around in the public square near by. And YY to an area where children cam happily play (with bouncy castle and trampolines).
But I would say NN to children running around inside the restaurant with all the issues that come with children nearly knocking over the waiters or one of the other customers ending up with their plate on their lap because of a child running around.

Also if I go out with my dcs, I expect them to want and spend some time with me Grin.
So fair enough that a 2yo find it hard to stay put too long but a 9yo for a meal that will last what 45mins to 1 hour?
I mean all our meals are that long and my dcs have always managed to stay at the table since they were little even though they are the very active type.

I agree with Evans
They simply were not allowed to run around or scream. Because this is the rule in our house also.
and thumb re electronic devices (I have pinched the idea of all electronic devices going in a basket when you sit down at the table. I am sure it will get handy when dc1 enters the teenage years). But that's another issue...

Fleta · 07/05/2014 16:41

Electronics at the table - yes, but volume is always nil. After all there actually isn't any difference between reading a kindle for example and reading a book.

I'm actually quite aghast at taking people's phones and putting them in a basket? Surely you can just ask that they're not used?!

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 07/05/2014 16:50

I'm actually quite aghast at taking people's phones and putting them in a basket? Surely you can just ask that they're not used?!

Haha - IME that doesn't work with teenagers. Even if they don't use them, there they are, sitting beside them, and the pesky things keep ringing and beeping. And the young people's eyes keep flicking towards them, interrupting the flow of the conversation, just incase something more interesting might be on a phone msg. Something that can't wait for a little while.

And you wouldn't read either a book or a kindle at a dinner table in company, surely? How rude would that be? We're talking about the behaviour of children and youngsters, here, I thought . . .

I've found it to work very well. Adults are another kettle of fish entirely, they have just learned to be rude Smile

ThisIsLID · 07/05/2014 16:51

Well I see what you mean Fleta but having seeing so many teenagers in restaurant with their nose on the screen of their phone and never even looking at their parents in front of them.... I am thinking that maybe it's not such a bad idea....
At least the message is clear. NO phone/tablets/electronic stuff at the table

ThisIsLID · 07/05/2014 16:52

And YY to not reading at the table, whatever it is, for anyone older than 4 or 5 years old, which means no one really.

Fleta · 07/05/2014 16:58

Evans - with regards to the kindle I was referring to my daughter reading mine at restaurants before her food comes - which is what I meant by no different to a book - a poster further up said they didn't allow electronics but allowed books. Of course we don't read whilst eating unless I'm working from home and eat my lunch on the sofa

I'd have been really cross as a teenager to have been told I'd have had to put my phone in a basket rather than "we don't use phones at the table, please don't bring it to the table". I'd happily comply with that, but would have resented the implication that if I didn't hand it in then I would still be using it.

You sure as hell wouldn't have got my phone Grin

Fleta · 07/05/2014 17:00

NO phone/tablets/electronic stuff at the table

I totally agree but IMO there are two separate situations. Waiting for a meal, daughter reads my kindle. Kindle goes away as soon as food arrives = acceptable

People using phones throughout the meal = unacceptable.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 07/05/2014 17:04

Fleta - with respect, then you sure as hell wouldn't have been eating Grin

Seriously - I tried the "Please don't use your phones at the table" - it just didn't work!

mijas99 · 07/05/2014 17:09

Reading a Kindle or electronic device sounds like bad form to me. Eating out is a social occasion. I'd rather the kids be running around - even if that requires agile waiters - rather than being unsociable

Btw, a lot of the examples here are the result of adults/parents who don't know how to behave in public. Running around is fine, but there are areas for running in and other areas for being careful. That doesn't take a lot of instruction.

Why are British people so awkward in public? Probably AIBU could only exist in the UK :)

Fleta · 07/05/2014 17:14

Fleta - with respect, then you sure as hell wouldn't have been eating

Wow - so you ask me not to use my phone at the table which I would have 100% complied with but because I wouldn't put my phone in the basket (because actually I was a reasonable teenager and asking me would be sufficient) I wouldn't have eaten. I would have really resented the implication that if I didn't hand over my phone I'd use it?!

Blimey.

I'm Loling a bit at "awkward in public" - my DD has been in restaurants/theatres/museums since she was 6 days old. She can interact and behave properly in all of those situations.

There is NEVER a situation where a child should be running about a restaurant - that is being socially awkward and pretty bloody rude to the rest of us aiming to eat

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 07/05/2014 17:23

For goodness' sake, Fleta - I was replying to your post in the same vein as you responded to mine, ie "You sure as hell wouldn't have got my phone"

Blimey indeed!

MyBaby1day · 07/05/2014 18:26

YADNBU, there should behave themselves and I have been in situations like that too. You go in to enjoy a meal not listen to feral kids. If they can't control their badly behaved sprogs they should be turned out, end of. My DS would never be allowed to behave like that nor would any of my friends's DC's. There should be signs up in cafes and restaurants about it!.

SauvignonBlanche · 07/05/2014 18:43

I don't agree with children being allowed wander around a little bit unless they are within arms length of an adult.

cantstanditagain · 07/05/2014 18:57

, I was at Tesco today.
couldn't believe it!

a mother, allowed her two children to use the shop as their own personal playground.

it would have been good to see them holding onto the shopping trolley and WALKING with her.
she was totally oblivious to other shoppers or even her own children.
what's happening to behaviour and respect today/

MiaowTheCat · 07/05/2014 19:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

KnittedJimmyChoos · 07/05/2014 19:47

parents cant win can they, bad form to give electronics to keep them quiet, bad form to let them make any noise or do anything

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 07/05/2014 19:58

parents cant win can they, bad form to give electronics to keep them quiet, bad form to let them make any noise or do anything

I think "not do anything" is pushing it. Crayons, small toys, talk to them

Definitely bad form to give electronics and let them run around annoying everyone and putting themselves in danger.

kaymondo · 07/05/2014 20:40

Genuine question, when waiting a long time in a restaurant why is it okay to entertain small children with colouring books, small games etc, but frowned upon to let them use a tablet with sound off? I can't see the difference, both quiet activities that keep dc from roaming around causing trouble. Ds1 loves a colouring game on the iPad, why is that worse than a colouring book?

I eat out a lot with my dc (3.5 and 18m) and I think the key is to go prepared with a bag of appropriate toys/activities - but it's amazing how many parents go with nothing and then can't understand why their kids won't sit still.

EvansOvalPiesYumYum · 07/05/2014 20:44

I think because, when colouring or playing with a toy, a child can still engage in conversation and retain social interaction. Once they zone into any electronic device (some sort of game, normally) they can't break away from it and their minds are lost for some considerable time.