To want to enjoy a meal in peace without badly behaved children running riot around the restaurant

[Rhine]

Last night I went out for a meal with my mum. It was supposed to be a nice evening out for us, but it was spoiled by a family sat next to us who allowed their two kids to run riot around the entire restaurant. The kids were around about eight or nine, so not little bored toddlers and certainly old enough to know better. The little boy had a toy gun and he was running around pretending to "shoot" his sister, they were obviously getting under the feet of the staff who were trying to work and at no point did either parent or grandparent tell them to stop and behave themselves.

They were running in and out of the restaurant, around the grounds (could see them through the window) then back in again and all round the buidling itself.

I don't mind children being in restaurants, far from it, and there were other families in there who's DC's were behaved implacably. I could hear the family saying it was the mothers birthday and it was obviously a family celebration, but when I go out for a meal I don't want someone else's bad parenting spoiling it. I wasn't allowed to behave like that in public, and I won't allow my DC's to do either.

AIBU to think that people should make their children behave in places like that?

ooh - too many 'actuallys' sorry

Yanbu!

We attempted lunch out a few weeks ago, after the starters our little DS got fed up of sitting still so DH took him out (little park over the road) and had his dinner boxed up to take home while I stayed with older dc.

The waiting staff couldn't believe it, the head waiter was flabbergasted. And DS was being really annoying, we thought! He isn't 2 yet so he'll get there but he can't run about where others are eating.

I think the restaurant staff should have had a quiet word with the parents, especially from a safety angle - hot food & drinks, plates & trays being carried around; I wonder why they DIDN'T speak to the parents?! Although the parents should have prevented the DCs from running around, unfortunately some people are just insensitive. I bet they'd have been ruthless with the staff if one of the DCs had a hot drink spilled onto them had they got in staff's way. Im one who doesn't mind child-friendly restaurants, why shouldn't children be out with their families? But this would have annoyed me too. Then again depending on my mood Im very selective when eating out and tend to choose smaller, out-of-the-way places I know have a quiet ambiance.

It could be that the children you saw running around never sit at the table to eat. I didn't think about that until we went out for dinner with my SIL and family. She is a lovely person and mum but can't really cope with her 4 closely-spaced dcs and has sort given up on mealtimes. She just gives them snacks which they eat while wandering around. They had no idea how to behave in a restaurant and were running everywhere, several drinks went flying, and I got more and more stressed trying to get them to sit down and eat!

YANBU, even in family friendly places they shouldn't be running around, it's too dangerous. When I worked as a waitress years ago I always found that the laziest parents were the ones who would complain loudest if their PLO's ran into you while you were carrying hot food...
We take our 3 out but only to places that serve quickly and are known to be family friendly not harvester/ soft play type thing, they give me rage. We've made mistakes in the past regarding where to go and had to make a quick exit with a doggy bag but in general it's not actually that hard to teach a child how to sit at a table without pissing everybody else off.
(I am talking about NT children in this instance. Please don't rip my head off, I'm also well aware that in some cases a child with SN would possibly struggle to sit for an length of time)

Trouble is, this type of parent thinks it's making life easier for the moment, but in the long-run, actually makes it far more difficult. So the children in the OP were around eight or nine - that is appalling! Any normal person would expect a child of that age to be sitting at a table politely and not causing havoc.

That sort of behaviour drives me mad and from personal experience and discussions I've had with friends it's not uncommon. In fact my nephews are allowed to behave this way when they go out as "you can't expect kids to sit down in restaurants (errr yes you can!), they started running around a restaurant when we were out for a family meal, BIL and SIL did nothing so I firmly told them to sit down and behave, my 6 year old also piped up "you don't run around in restaurants it's dangerous"!! I then had to share out the toys and activity books Id taken along for our own DS to keep them entertained while parents drank and ate and ignored (we had words later, I was not amused)
There is just no excuse for a NT 7 and 4 year old to be hurtling around a restaurant crashing into everyone and making a racket! Learning to behave in social situations is all part of growing up and learning life skills I think.

Sorry that turned into a rant

The worst bit for me is that they let the dcs take a toy gun with them do they were clearly 'planning ahead' that the children needed some 'entertainment' with them and clearly such a toy was appropriate in the restaurant.... NOT

You get them in other public places as well though - there were some in the supermarket the other day, children were running around all over the place while the Mum was occasionally ineffectually calling the odd name "Come here Lily" - "Stop that Luke" but with no sense of discipline at all. Yet if anyone had accidentally hit any of the youngsters with their shopping trolley, I wonder how much of a mouthful they'd have been given.
Same as in the restaurant - it is a pretty dangerous place to be, with hot drinks and food. It is simply not fair on the waiting staff (or other customers)

YANBU at all

But why didn't you have a quiet word with the staff?

It always annoys me when restaurant managers don't intervene in these situations. They are taking money from other diners and have a duty to make sure they're not being unreasonably disturbed or inconvenienced while eating. But I have never, ever seen a manager come out and have words with parents about badly behaved kids annoying other customers, or a baby being left screaming in a high chair and driving everyone else mad.
And before anyone points it out, they should also, of course, ensure that customers are not shouting loudly into mobile phones etc. as well.

I'm embarrassed if my toddler runs around or makes a fuss, and she's not even two yet! I was brought up to be mindful of how my behaviour affected other people.

Yanbu. Last year we went out for a family meal for my DSD's 21st. It was quite an upmarket restaurant and the table was booked for 7.30. We were there until gone 11pm and my 2 dds then aged 10 and 7 never left the table unless they were going to the toilet. I would have bloody murdered them if they'd started running around the restaurant. They know this too, I'm quite a scary mum.

My son is 3. It is very hard to keep him sitting at a table in a restaurant for the duration of a whole meal out (I mean from ordering to completion) BUT I would never allow him to run around all over the place. I show him a small area next to my table that he is allowed to move about in but he has to be where I can see him and he is not allowed to annoy other people.
I go to restaurants that are family orientated such as harvester etc and I explain to him that people are there to have a meal and do not want to be bothered by small children and that he MUST sit done once the food comes. I engage him with the menu and let him pick the food he wants.
I also allow him to watch cartoons etc on my phone (with the sound turned down so as not to disturb others) but the phone gets put away when dinner arrives.
We will go out for more meals as he gets older but he will not be allowed to run about.

YASoooNBU. My mother is the manager of a restaurant and I was there when a little girl of around 2 was running totally riot. She asked the parents to make sure that she sat down for safety reasons (very near the kitchen doors). Final straw was child pottering over to the crockery and pull down (empty thankfully) cups, saucers, cutlery over the floor and started banging them together! Mum said a firm 'No, we do not play with those here' and walked her over to her family. Grandmother stood up and said 'She was only playing and doing no harm, you can't just expect her to sit here with us, she is only 2 etc etc' she rounded off with 'you state clearly that children are welcome'. Mum was awesome in her response 'Children are very welcome, irresponsible adults however are not'

Children shouldn't be allowed to run around but sometimes there isn't anything you can do about noise. We sometimes get tutting and facepulling when our clearly non nt son drops food or makes noises.

YANBU. Eight and nine years old?

It's disrespectful and dangerous. Can you imagine the parents' wrath if one of the kids tripped up a member of staff and got covered in food/scalded?

My dd2 is four and autistic and we avoid restaurants because she tends to wander around which is dangerous for the staff and dd

YADNBU. Cant tolerate it and would never have tolerated it from my two even from little. They were taught to sit and behave when out in cafes/rerstaraunts even from a young age and even at Mc donalds. If we were going to a more formal restaraunt I took small toys/colouring in books as the wait for food is a lot longer than in fast food joints.
Continental europe is more tolerant of children eating out late, but on the whole those children are trained from a young age how you behave when you eat out.
If you dont teach them how to behave they never will.

It depends on the level of noise though zazzie. If a child is screaming or wailing it's head off then the parents should bring them outside. It is unfair on other diners to expect them to put with an intrusive level of noise.

There is just no excuse for a NT 7 and 4 year old to be hurtling around a restaurant crashing into everyone and making a racket!

Yeah, me and my cousin were not NT, hyper and off the wall, and we still were expected not to run around everywhere. We managed to sit in our booths or seats and were scolded if we started standing up to move.

Volume control was another thing, but at least we were sitting in the same spot while shouting and being loud. :)

Sorry to sound stupid, but could someone plse tell me what NT stands for? (ie, in NT 7 yr old)

I blame the parents selfish. Children, even well-behaved ones, cannot sit still for hours on end. There's no need for it - but it sounds as though the parents of this pair were being lazy; pleasing themselves and leaving the kids to it. It's no wonder they were running around. I would have had a word with the staff and asked if you could move to another table. That should have helped the penny drop with the restaurant staff.

Summer - I agree; a screaming child should be taken out until they've quietened down. Once went to a wedding where I didn't hear a word of the service because some selfish parent let their small child wail the whole time instead of taking them out.

I also agree, Summer! And if they're old enough to understand, then it should be explained to them that they won't be allowed back in to eat their yummy meal until they stop screeching and wailing.