To want to enjoy a meal in peace without badly behaved children running riot around the restaurant

[Rhine]

Last night I went out for a meal with my mum. It was supposed to be a nice evening out for us, but it was spoiled by a family sat next to us who allowed their two kids to run riot around the entire restaurant. The kids were around about eight or nine, so not little bored toddlers and certainly old enough to know better. The little boy had a toy gun and he was running around pretending to "shoot" his sister, they were obviously getting under the feet of the staff who were trying to work and at no point did either parent or grandparent tell them to stop and behave themselves.

They were running in and out of the restaurant, around the grounds (could see them through the window) then back in again and all round the buidling itself.

I don't mind children being in restaurants, far from it, and there were other families in there who's DC's were behaved implacably. I could hear the family saying it was the mothers birthday and it was obviously a family celebration, but when I go out for a meal I don't want someone else's bad parenting spoiling it. I wasn't allowed to behave like that in public, and I won't allow my DC's to do either.

AIBU to think that people should make their children behave in places like that?

Evans I think NT means neuro-typical - so no ASD or other special needs.

I was in a pub beer garden at 7.00pm on Monday evening making the most of the bank holiday. Football comes sailing over from a play area knocking over DH's beer and sent our food flying. Parent eventually identified in the pub who was incredibly arsey with us for being I think justifiably upset. Who leaves a 6 year old outside playing football in an area where adults are eating and stays inside the pub getting pissed???

Thank you, Rachel.

I always think of "child friendly" restaurants as places which have kids' menus (or better still, are prepared to do half portions of adult meals), highchairs, maybe colouring pads and pencils, decent baby change facilities and which aren't obviously extremely "high end" places with very low noise levels.

That does NOT mean however that dreadful behaviour and bad parenting should be expected or tolerated in such restaurants. Running about is at best very annoying for other diners (including well behaved kids) particularly when your table or chair is bumped but at worst, very dangerous with hot food being carried about. Screaming and screeching is also unacceptable - and completely different from kids chatting and laughing (and Zazzie anyone - adult or child - who isn't NT and is making a "noise" isn't the same thing at all - shame on anyone who doesn't stop for a second to consider the overall picture before making you feel bad).

In the past, I've taken my kids out of restaurants when a tantrum's been imminent because I appreciate others don't want to have their meal out spoiled - and I'd never let them run about or annoy other people. Thankfully that hasn't happened very often but if my kids start to play up I've always taken full responsibility for that.

Totally agree that children should behave in restaurants ie no running around etc. my DC's are older now but were frequently taken to restaurants, made sure we had colouring books etc when they were little but from a young age we ensured they were included in the conversation (boring at times I know) as they need to learn to socialise appropriately.

I have noticed a trend lately of children watching cartoons or playing games on their iPads, can I ask do people think it's acceptable to have to listen to this noise if you are at an adjacent table? Twice this year we have had our meal disturbed by the racket coming form the cartoons on an iPad! Am I just getting old and intolerant? Have also seen kids using earphones whilst as thing their iPads which does show consideration for other diners.

YANBU and things like Nintendo should be in silent mode. I've had a meal in a quiet restaurant spoiled by the shoot-em-up game which the couple at the next table allowed z child of seven or eight to use instead of engaging with him .

Using a phone or iPad can be useful in an 'oh shit' situation like an unexpected tantrum but only on occasion. I let DD2 watch a bit of Peppa Pig on my phone the last time we were having a meal out as she headed within a few seconds towards a bout of screaming abdabs without warning. It calmed her for l

YANBU.

Long enough for us to finish and pay before escaping, hopefully without pissing anybody off. It can be a useful tool sometimes.

Ploppy I'm hoping your DD watched Peppa Pig with headphones in?

YANBU

Yes
DS has his permanently attached to a random piece of clothing so DD1 helped her sister to hold them into her ears.
It was only 2 episodes so no damage done to her ears either.

YADNBU. I have very low tolerance of people who allow their children to behave like that.

My father used to take 3 of us out by himself when we were little and woe betide us if we messed around! He was frequently complimented on how well behaved we were. As a result, I am also very strict with my 2 boys when eating out.

However, we haven't done much of it with DS2, so he's less well accustomed to the whole concept - but as he's still only 19mo, he can be restrained in highchairs etc. DS1, at 6, is pretty good - only once have I had to get DH to remove him from the restaurant, and that's because it was a hotel restaurant (we were staying at the hotel) and other children were playing around, which made it next to impossible to keep DS1 from playing up as well (he was 3.6 at the time). DH had finished his meal, so I suggested he take DS1 back to the room with his meal, while I finished mine in peace. Worked very well!

I wouldn't let them have electronics at the table either, no. Crayons/paper and toy animals is all they're allowed.

Phew! Glad IANBU. Don't want to turn into one of those grumpy old women who tut at little ones although I'm sure my tolerance levels are not what that used to be

I agree that 'child friendly' shouldn't be confused with 'anything goes'. I think part of the problem is that some parents are so used to eating to a background of kids wailing, squabbling, banging toys on the table etc that they genuinely don't notice the noise anymore or realise that their children are annoying other customers. That is why restaurant staff need to be trained as to how to intervene tactfully in these situations.
And any parent should know that kids tearing around a restaurant, banging into other diners chairs, tripping up staff, and running in and out of doors causing drafts is unacceptable.

I've always taken my DCs to restaurants.

I've always ensured they are not irritating other diners by being noisy, running around, being badly behaved, etc.

It's only fair to others, and my DCs are very well behaved.

I'm also in Thumbwitch's camp - yes to crayons, small physical toys (not guns to "shoot" at other diners with as in the example of the OP's experience), maybe a play-figure or a toy vehicle. No electronics at all. My young'uns are now young adults - they're still not allowed even a mobile phone when we're eating. I make them (and their guests) put them in a basket at the start of the meal, and they pick them up later.

We ate out rather a lot as a family when mine were young, even if it was just a pub lunch, or a theme-park café-type place. Occasionally nicer restaurants. I can honestly, hand-on-heart say, we never had a problem with their behaviour at table in any of those places. They simply were not allowed to run around or scream. Because this is the rule in our house also.

I feel your pain. Me and DH went to great lengths to ensure our DCs behaved well in public places so we could go out for family meals without being horribly stressed and ruining everyone else's experience. It's a pity lots of people don't have the same manners and courtesy.

We stopped going to Pizza Express (only ever went on Tesco vouchers) because as another friend said it was like a "middle class McDonalds". Loads of Jocastas and Archies screeching and running around mental whilst their Yummy Mummys quaffed Pinot and declared the doughballs "divine".

(Disclaimer...I love McDonalds, at least it meets expectations).

I pretty much agree with you eyeliner... however I have to say that not every child is like your DD who will sit at the table and quietly amuse herself with books and crayons for the duration of the meal.

I have two DSs, 3 and 5 years old. They are both like bouncy Labrador puppies. They will sit and draw for all of about 10 minutes maximum.

Then we bring out the games on the mobile phone...which may keep them occupied for a further ten minutes.

However we always choose our place to eat very carefully and try to be in and out within the shortest possible time.

If it is a place with an outdoor area I see no issue with allowing the boys to walk around outside and play on the play equipment whilst waiting for their food [and with me supervising to make sure they don't get too rowdy],

I would never let them yell or run around inside a restaurant and would [and have] taken them outside for a severe word if they get too boisterous.

However, just wanted to point out that unfortunately not every child is like your DD and pleased to play with pencils and paper for as long as required.

UnderIce

I don't have kids but have taken kids (half sisters/brother etc) out to meals when younger (under 10). At all times I expected them to behave properly, and they did, on the whole as it was a treat from me.

I'm also a 70's child and we went out to eat various places with my mum with ta-da no colouring books etc but the occasional soft toy dragged along and with our treat the pudding. We played eye-spy etc or just behaved. or didn't go out again!

I'm sure everyone has tales of times back in 70's and before I remember quite a few times pubs in countryside pouring with rain and would the landlord let us into the games room whilst parents had a drink, not a chance!

Beer gardens were a saviour, there were several with climbing frames and one pub where just opposite (quite street) there was a concrete playground with slide etc. One time we collected crisp packets as on the back was an offer to send off for a cartoon plastic lunchbox!

I'm really gladdened though to see how many parents entertain their children and expect good behaviour and what they use and even the ones who don't think electronic devices are acceptable (I don't care, if it means the child is entertained and doesn't use it whilst eating then it seems fine).

Totally agree with the majority. We took our DD in to restaurants from 2yo and she NEVER behaved in the way described. I think it made a difference that we always made the effort to amuse her and always included her in the conversations rather than talking over her.

I remember two occasions when she was about 6 when we were actually complemented on her behaviour [smug emoticon] once by a fellow diner who said they normally asked to move tables if they found themselves near a child and once by a hotel owner who then proceeded to tell us of some of the shocking behaviour he had seen other children get away with.

It could be that the children you saw running around never sit at the table to eat. I didn't think about that until we went out for dinner with my SIL and family. She is a lovely person and mum but can't really cope with her 4 closely-spaced dcs and has sort given up on mealtimes.

But don't these children have school dinners? Surely some standard of behaviour is still expected for dining at school, even if packed lunches are taken?

Thinking back fondly to my little primary school, when it came to lunch time all the children from the youngest infant and upwards were expected to help set the tables properly, i.e. with a table cloth, cutlery properly arranged, water jug and glasses. Then we said grace, all sat down and ate together and then when everyone wad finished cleare up together. Absolutely no-one got up from the table until everyone had finished. Talking was allowed, even encouraged, so long as it wasn't rowdy. Some attempt was made to encourage people to use a knife and fork properly and needless to say playing with or throwing food was unheard of. It sounds old-fashioned but I guess it meant that every child, whatever the background and however disorganised their family meals may have been, did learn basic table manners from a very young age.

in fact in my day McDonalds was only just opening up and there was one restaurant I visited when 9 or so which had hamburgers, knickerbocker glories, Mocktails and colouring pens/crayons. Extremely rare for end of 70's/start 80s!

nutcracker no, not all children are like that. But even so, you manage to control your children and prevent them from disrupting other diners too much, or causing an accident. Which goes to show, even if your child isn't naturally quiet and docile, it doesn't give them free rein to run around in restaurants.

5foot5 children get wise to different boundaries being set in different situations. We have children (NT 6 year olds) whose parents still dress them in the morning because the child 'can't manage by themselves'. Well guess what? They get changed for PE on their own because if they don't get changed, they don't do PE, and the teacher/TA has too much to do with tying laces, doing buttons etc for the whole class, to dress one child. It wouldn't surprise me to learn that some children know how to sit and eat nicely, and do it at school, but at home they know they won't be challenged so continue with eating on the go.

Yanbu - although I'm worried my two might be a bit like that when they're eight. They are not good company in restaurants at the moment! (They're only three and one though). But I agree, parents should try and keep their children under control in restaurants, and children that age should be able to keep still for a while, or wander around a little bit but not causing chaos.