to be angry with exH for feeding our daughter so much sugar?

[spottymog]

Dd is 5 and has regular trips to the dentist to put varnish on 3 teeth as the dentist is trying to avoid having them filled/removed. We've been told to limit dds sugar intake to prevent this. ExH didn't listen at first, so I got him to come along to a dentist appointment and hear it first hand. He knows as well as I do that fillings/removal at 5 is far from ideal and will most likely make dd extremely fearful of the dentist as she already hates it.

However, he continues to feed her a ton of sugar. Here, she drinks only water and milk and the only sugar she gets is from fruit plus a fortnightly helping of sweets or chocolate at the cinema. There, she drinks Ribena and Coke, plus McDonald's milkshakes, eats sugary breakfast cereals, has sweets several times per day, cake after lunch and dinner and this weekend has also had an icecream each day, candyfloss, an Easter egg each day etc. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to at least try to.

Aibu to be angry that he keeps feeding her so much sugar when he's aware it'll end in pain for dd? She's too young to take responsibility for herself, though I've explained the consequences. Her mood is also terrible when she returns, no doubt as a result of the come down from so much sugar. My friend thinks I am being unreasonable as exH only has her eow and thinks if I'm making her disciplined and brushingher teeth the rest of the time then it's fine. However, she easily has a fortnights worth of sugar in one of his weekends which I think is certainly not on. Aibu?

Yanbu, it must be very confusing for her to follow 2 sets of rules.

no you are not he needs to make her brush her teeth at least my mil gave my son a milkshake containing mars bars milky ways maltesers etc he was not even one year old and had a problem with blood sugar levels she nearly put him in hospital by being "fun nan" its just lack of parenting pure and simple lazy parenting i want to be my kids favorite parent behaviour it makes my blood boil!

but i have no solution to your problem if it were me i would be nasty and sugar her up before she went and let him play catch the sugar rush (but im really not nice sometimes)

Do you give her anything sugary?

Sorry read your post again. Why don't you stop giving her sugary stuff?

sweetdreamz read it for the third time, it's her ex not her.

You read again tequila

Here is a little help

only sugar she gets is from fruit plus a fortnightly helping of sweets or chocolate at the cinema

She is feeding her own DD sugary stuff

Right so on reading her post, you decided the best solution was for the OP to stop the fortnightly treat they have together? That's all you decided upon from reading that post

She is feeding her DD a fortnightly treat, which she is entitled to as a parent. However her ex is taking the piss and it is him who need to change not the OP.

Should she stop feeding her fruit then? I think most food has sugar in to an extent. I doubt OP is filling her daughter with masses and masses of sweets at the cinema which are clearly a treat and removing them is hardly going to offset the enormous amount of sugar given by ex!

Note the 'sweets or chocolate' so the OP is giving her daughter one packet of sweets or chocolate a fortnight. Her stopping that isn't going to help at all so not sure why you're offering advice that isn't really very helpful and puts the blame on the OP.

Exactly everythings

I think your exH is being irresponsible, however I don't think what he's doing is as terrible as it feels. You are obviously trying to do the best for your daughter, and his complete lack of awareness of her dental health must really grate, so I sympathise.

That said, I grew up the daughter of a dentist. We were allowed sweets on a Saturday only. That meant we had to save up every sweet we were given throughout the week and ended up bingeing on a Saturday. Every. Week. My dad (the dentist) would often say how one packet of Polos eaten throughout the week was far worse than a binge in one day (as far as teeth go!) I am one of four, and none of us have ever needed a filling.

You mention the fissure sealants (I'm assuming that's what the varnish on your DD's teeth is) which are excellent preventative measures which lots and lots of children have. I think that unless she has cavities forming and the threat of extractions then there's little you can do about your exH's behaviour. As she is with you the majority of the time though, you seem to be doing an excellent job of teaching her about dental hygiene.

Having said all of that, I think I'd be pissed off too!

Glad you can see it now

She has tried with her tosser ex but he won't stop so best she stops all sugary stuff herself to limit the damage

If tosser ex won't change even after going to dentist then it is all on OP to take responsibility

He needs to make sure her teeth are brushed.

She is feeding her DD a fortnightly treat, which she is entitled to as a parent

Is that different from what the childs Dad is doing then?

Yes, the lack of toothbrushing is a major point, but OP is angry at him feeding her sugar not the lack of brushing.

ExH only has her EOW (every other weekend) so also a fortnightly treat. Agree that coke etc isn't good for teeth, but neither is fruit. Both full of sugar and acidic.

I find that sort of attitude quite ridiculous to be honest.

And it will only make the child resent her mother as she will be seen as the 'bad guy' for not allowing sugar just because her pathetic ex can't get his shit together. Why should the OP have to ban cake, treats and whatever else just because of her ex?

There are other ways to go about this first.

amberleaf are you seriously comparing a fortnightly treat to the daily intake OP has described?

Let's not forget how much damage all that crap will be doing her body as well as her teeth! I know OPs issue is with the teeth thing but as a man old enough to be a dad he should be aware of what all of that sugar and fat will be doing to her small body!

Chillax tequila

The sugary bingeing ain't that bad according to Nanny

Sugary binging is bad, especially at such a young age.

Bingeing ain't that bad, worse to have them spread over a week according to nanny

Here ya go Tequila in case ya missed it

My dad (the dentist) would often say how one packet of Polos eaten throughout the week was far worse than a binge in one day (as far as teeth go!) I am one of four, and none of us have ever needed a filling

A fortnightly sugary treat at the cinema when that parent ensures the child has their teeth brushed regularly is fair enough.

Feeding them endless sugary foods all day long without any tooth-brushing is irresponsible and potentially very damaging.

I know which parent is in the wrong here but the question is why does he do it when he knows the likely consequences? Apart from being an arsehole, that is.

You keep say it according to nanny, when nothing she's said has any scientific basis and was more a flippant comment IMO.

Her blood sugar on those days will be sky rocketing, which has an affect on the production of insulin.
This sort of binging now can lead to unhealthy behaviours and attitudes to food in the long term
In the short term it can lead to 'sugar hangovers' in which the person feels irritable, feels sick and has a headache - the OP has already noted the former

If you don't really know much about it why are you saying it's okay [confusing] bit dangerous don't you think?

Jesus wept I'd be seriously worried about her health if he's regularly allowing her to have that much sugar, that's ridiculous. Her teeth are only one aspect of that, but of course a worrying one for you.

Sorry sweetdreams I didn't realise that comment came from scientific study with conclusive results, rather than an anecdotal comment