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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with exH for feeding our daughter so much sugar?

144 replies

spottymog · 04/05/2014 23:10

Dd is 5 and has regular trips to the dentist to put varnish on 3 teeth as the dentist is trying to avoid having them filled/removed. We've been told to limit dds sugar intake to prevent this. ExH didn't listen at first, so I got him to come along to a dentist appointment and hear it first hand. He knows as well as I do that fillings/removal at 5 is far from ideal and will most likely make dd extremely fearful of the dentist as she already hates it.

However, he continues to feed her a ton of sugar. Here, she drinks only water and milk and the only sugar she gets is from fruit plus a fortnightly helping of sweets or chocolate at the cinema. There, she drinks Ribena and Coke, plus McDonald's milkshakes, eats sugary breakfast cereals, has sweets several times per day, cake after lunch and dinner and this weekend has also had an icecream each day, candyfloss, an Easter egg each day etc. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to at least try to.

Aibu to be angry that he keeps feeding her so much sugar when he's aware it'll end in pain for dd? She's too young to take responsibility for herself, though I've explained the consequences. Her mood is also terrible when she returns, no doubt as a result of the come down from so much sugar. My friend thinks I am being unreasonable as exH only has her eow and thinks if I'm making her disciplined and brushingher teeth the rest of the time then it's fine. However, she easily has a fortnights worth of sugar in one of his weekends which I think is certainly not on. Aibu?

OP posts:
Theodorous · 05/05/2014 14:38

Are hospitals filled with children who eat nice things?

wheresthelight · 05/05/2014 14:55

For god sake she cannot insist on supervised contact because she doesn't agree with the food intake of her dd whilst under the care of exh, it's utterly ridiculous tonearm suggest it!

As someone up thread has said, she can talk to him hut ultimately what happens under his roof is nothing to do with her.

And we still don't know how the op even knows what is happening in the care of exh because she hasn't come back to explain

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 14:58

There, she drinks Ribena and Coke, plus McDonald's milkshakes, eats sugary breakfast cereals, has sweets several times per day, cake after lunch and dinner and this weekend has also had an icecream each day, candyfloss, an Easter egg each day etc. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to at least try to

This is very descriptive information I am presuming from the 5 year old?

Theodorous · 05/05/2014 15:01

Supervised contact? That takes the piss out of all those parents desperately trying to hold things together and keep their children safe. Next someone will suggest a social services referral. This whilst irritating is nothing like issues people face, dv etc. what an absolutely preposterous suggestion.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 15:14

If someone wasn't feeding my child properly I'd want to be there to supervise it so they were fed properly. Just because there's people who are in worse situations ie DV etc who have to rely on supervised contact doesn't mean it can't be suggested for other means. I don't mean on an official basis through courts, I mean going out together and suggesting healthier alternatives. This sort of excess intake of sugar can have detrimental affects on the child short term and long term and I'd do anything I could to prevent it. Obviously the seriousness isn't breaking through to him, so maybe it would if this was suggested.

wheresthelight · 05/05/2014 15:17

Tequila you are being ridiculous and unhelpful.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 15:19

If you say so, please feel free to suggest alternatives to help this child before she potentially succumbs to a condition like diabetes

Theodorous · 05/05/2014 15:30

My husband has just come home with mcflurries. Shame I will have to divorce him because I rather like him (and mcflurries) but the police have already been called.

Theodorous · 05/05/2014 15:31

Tequila is rather sugary unless I am mistaken?

PrincessBabyCat · 05/05/2014 15:33

Tequila how would you supervise your ex with your child? If my ex tried sticking around me all day, I'd call the police and report them for harassment. It's also insulting to families that do need supervised contact for the safety of their children to suggest that a child needs these resources because "mummy is upset daddy is feeding dear daughter sugared cereal". Quite frankly if you need supervised visits to protect your children, you shouldn't be allowed near them.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 15:34

Theodorous i think you;ll find I defended the occasional sugary thing as a treat, but what the OP's ex is feeding their child is completely and utterly wrong.

I'll bow out now because obviously I'm wrong about the access point, but stand by everything else I've said.

unfulfilled81 · 05/05/2014 15:34

he sounds like a lazy parent, basically very selfish (caring more about being fun dad than a good dad)

leaving the OP to be the real parent, and the bad one in her daughter's eyes

quite frankly others have come up with practical solutions around how to tackle it, but wanted to leave my comment here because it's something i've seen with friends,family etc repeatedly (wanting to be fun nan, fun uncle etc)

your DH is an immature twat, and if (when) your DD ends up with dental issues as a result she will resent him for it in the future.

i'd suggest showing him this thread to knock some sense into him but if he's ignored the dentist after a face-to-face chat, i don't think it would do much good.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 15:34

Oh and people have took their exes to court and won over inappropriate feeding, so it is a big issue.

Edenviolet · 05/05/2014 15:40

Diabetes is not caused by sugar intake. Type 1 diabetes is an autoimmune condition completely unrelated to diet.

Type 2 diabetes is not caused solely by consuming too much sugar but a high sugar diet is considered to be a risk factor for developing it.

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 16:57

Oh and people have took their exes to court and won over inappropriate feeding, so it is a big issue

Can you give an example? I found one Grin

newsfeed.time.com/2013/11/08/not-lovin-it-dad-accused-of-unfit-parenting-for-refusing-to-take-his-son-to-mcdonalds/

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 16:59

Not at the moment because I'm typing on my phone, I will later :)

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 17:01

Type 2 diabetes is not caused solely by consuming too much sugar but a high sugar diet is considered to be a risk factor for developing it

Incorrect Hedgehog

Sugar does not cause diabetes. However, eating a diet high in sugar can cause people to become overweight which increases the risk of developing Type 2 diabetes.

rookiemater · 05/05/2014 17:15

OP I'd be angry too if I were you, he sounds useless and diabetes or not I'm sure everyone agrees that a diet high in sugar is far for ideal for a DC.

However I think you have to focus on what you might be able to change, versus what is just annoying as hell. If your DD is not overweight then I'd forget about discussing the food. Yes it's crap, no 5 year old needs to drink coca cola, but there we go.

Focus instead on getting her to brush her teeth. Drum it into your DD before she goes that she needs to brush them in the morning and in the evening, every single day. Remind your ex that he needs to ensure she brushes her teeth morning and night. I'd keep reminding both of them until you sound like a broken record.

Yes it's not going to completely undo the damage done by multiple sweets, but it will help enormously and is something that is easy for your ex to do as opposed to stopping treating DD which would be a harder habit to break.

I wish you luck. It must be enormously frustrating to send your DD off to someone who appears not to care enough about her well-being to look after her properly.

Lulu1083 · 05/05/2014 17:25

Actually sweetz there has been research into 'yo yo' dieting causing type 2 diabetes. Eating all that sugary and fat stuff eow will lead to fat being laid down around the organs, no matter how healthily the OP feeds her daughter all week, even if she isn't overweight.

Edenviolet · 05/05/2014 18:12

Which is what I said-that sugar does not cause diabetes but that a risk factor for type 2 (not type 1) is a high sugar diet which in turn can lead to being overweight, another risk factor not a cause.

I am very well aware that sugar does not actually cause either type of diabetes.

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 18:26

This is what you said Hedgehog

a high sugar diet is considered to be a risk factor for developing it.

The risk factor is being overweight not the sugar

You say above it is a high sugar diet which is incorrect

GatoradeMeBitch · 05/05/2014 18:27

Is there a particular reason for your spite sweetdreamz? All in one go means precisely that, a chocolate bar all at once instead of a square every hour, it does not mean an entire weekend of sugar.

Mrsmorton · 05/05/2014 18:29

Long winter nights must fly past, checking and quoting everyone's posts. Oh but you weren't here in the winter...

Is a high sugar diet associated with being overweight? Is it not therefore a risk factor in type two diabetes, considering it is directly associated with being overweight?

Either way it causes tooth decay which is a hideous problem to inflict on your children, as many on here will testify, years of fillings, root canal treatment and extractions aren't fun.

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 18:43

Is there a particular reason for your spite sweetdreamz?

What spite?