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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to be angry with exH for feeding our daughter so much sugar?

144 replies

spottymog · 04/05/2014 23:10

Dd is 5 and has regular trips to the dentist to put varnish on 3 teeth as the dentist is trying to avoid having them filled/removed. We've been told to limit dds sugar intake to prevent this. ExH didn't listen at first, so I got him to come along to a dentist appointment and hear it first hand. He knows as well as I do that fillings/removal at 5 is far from ideal and will most likely make dd extremely fearful of the dentist as she already hates it.

However, he continues to feed her a ton of sugar. Here, she drinks only water and milk and the only sugar she gets is from fruit plus a fortnightly helping of sweets or chocolate at the cinema. There, she drinks Ribena and Coke, plus McDonald's milkshakes, eats sugary breakfast cereals, has sweets several times per day, cake after lunch and dinner and this weekend has also had an icecream each day, candyfloss, an Easter egg each day etc. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to at least try to.

Aibu to be angry that he keeps feeding her so much sugar when he's aware it'll end in pain for dd? She's too young to take responsibility for herself, though I've explained the consequences. Her mood is also terrible when she returns, no doubt as a result of the come down from so much sugar. My friend thinks I am being unreasonable as exH only has her eow and thinks if I'm making her disciplined and brushingher teeth the rest of the time then it's fine. However, she easily has a fortnights worth of sugar in one of his weekends which I think is certainly not on. Aibu?

OP posts:
SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:25

Let Nanny speak, she knows more than you and me

SelfconfessedSpoonyFucker · 05/05/2014 00:25

Yeah, I'd be mad, I think you have every right to be. However it seems like you have done what you can and there is likely nothing you can do about it.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 00:26

Being the daughter of a dentist doesn't mean she knows about diet and nutrition.

Please forgive me nanny for saying that, I don't mean anything bad towards you I'm just replying to sweet

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:26

She knows more than you sweetheart tequila

Bet you got fillings, she ain't!

Yambabe · 05/05/2014 00:26

I don't think YABU but as ex is clearly not taking it in I think as the main carer you need to be the one getting her into the habit of brushing her teeth (properly) 2-3 times a day.

At her age, if she thinks that is the "normal" thing to do she will probably do it even if ex isn't making her.

Also bear in mind that these are still baby teeth. If you get her into good dental habits now she should have fewer problems once her adult teeth come through.

EverythingsDozy · 05/05/2014 00:27

I'm sure nannys dentist father also made her brush her teeth though!!

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:27

Stop being so disrespectful to nanny [shocked]

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 00:27

sweetdreams I actually haven't got any, would you like to see darling

You're being deliberately inflammatory and obtuse. Enjoying the long weekend are we Hmm

EverythingsDozy · 05/05/2014 00:29

I'm sure there is a name for those like sweet who deliberately post inflammatory comments but I daren't say in case I get told off for "hunting" Shock

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:30

Yuck, no thanks

You prob got no fillings coz you binged on sugar every fortnight instead of each day Grin

Hope u are enjoying long weekend toooooooo

SweetDreamz1 · 05/05/2014 00:35

If sugar is that bad why is OP giving her sugary stuff then?

NannyLouise29 · 05/05/2014 00:37

I hope everyone noticed I said "as far as teeth go"!

I agree wholeheartedly that OP's exH is being completely irresponsible, and needs a good smack across the head. Aside from the dental health perspective, I think it's common sense that massive quantities of sugar aren't good for any of us.

What I do hope the OP got from my post is that I don't think she's BU, she sounds like she's doing a great job, and she seems to have done a lot to try and convince exH that he should steer their DD away from sugar. Unfortunately I don't have any other advice except that maybe he can take her to her dental appointments in future, and possibly keep her longer to fully experience the behavioural effects of all that sugar he's given her!

I think my dad was a bit irresponsible too, but yes, he did make us brush our teeth. Our sugar intake was a lot lower than what exH gives OP's DD, but just wanted to share about the fact that by not giving her DD much sugar during her time with her, she's doing her a far bigger favour. Hope that makes her feel a bit better.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 00:40

sweetdreams she is giving her one single sugar treat, once a fortnight. Which is completely fine. Even if they cut out that single fortnightly treat it wouldn't make a difference because of the overall consumption on those days she is with her dad. The fruit is irrelevant because children need fruit in their diet.

The problem here is her ex abusing the sugar intake. He is being lazy and irresponsible. He is damaging her little body by giving her so much sugar in such a short space of time.

It'll only get worse as she gets older if she doesn't realise for herself how bad it is :(

AmberLeaf · 05/05/2014 00:42

amberleaf are you seriously comparing a fortnightly treat to the daily intake OP has described?

I was commenting more on what you said about the OP being entitled to give treats because she is her parent.

OP focus on the toothbrushing. Soon your daughter will be able to do that herself, I would have thought the habit would be natural by age 5 though. But you can't have any control over what she eats when with her Dad.

TequilaMockingbirdy · 05/05/2014 00:47

amberleaf i thought you might have, but I thought people would have rightly assumed that I meant in moderation - the fortnightly treat as described.

EddieStobbart · 05/05/2014 00:53

Sweet, Nanny may have escaped without fillings but the OP's been told her DC is on the way to three. It doesn't seem like the sugary binge is is something she should chill out about.

Shakshuka · 05/05/2014 01:23

Im not sure fruit is irrelevant when it comes to teeth. Obviously cutting out fruit isnt a great idea for other reasons but our dentist suggested a small piece of cheese after eating acidic fruits helps protect enamel.

Id be upset too, op, and think him taking dd to the dentist could be a good way to get the message across,

PrincessBabyCat · 05/05/2014 03:38

He does know eating that much sugar all the time can cause diabetes, right? Your exH sounds like an idiot, and he's increasing the risk factors for other health issues.

wheresthelight · 05/05/2014 03:41

Just out of interest, how do you know what her sugar intake is when she is with her dad?

UncleT · 05/05/2014 04:12

That was my thought too wheres. Has he admitted this, or what?

IF the reported level of sugar consumption is genuine then you're not being unreasonable at all. In fact, I'd be bloody furious - it's an absurd amount of crap you've listed there. I have trouble imagining how the child could eat all that and not puke, yet alone have space and appetite for any kind of proper food too. As already alluded to in a few posts already, teeth are but one consideration - all of that in a weekend is just terribly unhealthy on every level. And no, a list like that bears absolutely no comparison to one treat a fortnight (though of course the father may also give a treat, but that's not the same as constantly feeding sugary crap for a whole weekend).

differentnameforthis · 05/05/2014 05:34

My dad (the dentist) would often say how one packet of Polos eaten throughout the week was far worse than a binge in one day (as far as teeth go!) I am one of four, and none of us have ever needed a filling

As a dental nurse, I can say that Nanny is right. Each time you eat something an acid attack occurs in the mouth. This lasts around 20min. This is when harmful bacteria attack the teeth.

If you are snacking throughout the day (as this little girl seems to be doing when with dad) her teeth will constantly be under attack. All day. Then not brushing is just keeping harmful bacteria in her mouth.

There is nothing wrong with high sugar foods or drinks, in moderation, and as long as oral hygiene is good. Also, keeping these things to meal times means that attacks on the teeth are fewer than if eaten all through the day. So yeah, a packet of polos eaten in one sitting - one acid attack. Eaten throughout the day - several acid attacks.

Cheese & water are great neutralisers after high sugar foods if you are unable to avoid sugar.

I do think that he is entitles to let his daughter have these foods, but he should do so in moderation. It is only her that suffers.

I have dreadful teeth thanks to my mums lack of insistence at good oral hygiene & her habit of bribing me & keeping me quite with sweets (i.e giving me sweets as a reward after an extraction of a rotten tooth). I don't have much respect for her for it, to be honest, not now when I am paying the price (literally) of her bad habits.

Wabbitty · 05/05/2014 06:39

It will be fluoride varnish the dentist will be putting on the teeth not fissure sealants.
Differentname for this is right about the acid attacks although water is not a neutraliser it just washes the food residue away.
However the father isn't brushing her teeth or encouraging her to brush that is the main problem and I don't really know what to suggest.

Waltonswatcher1 · 05/05/2014 07:30

M son had six teeth out .
We have a totally non processed food diet and no sweets were allowed-just choc on a sat night .
I had to keep a food diary . In the end the cause was found to be fruit between meals and milk before bed . I had to only give fruit after a meal and stop the bedtime mik. He had to use mouth wash and really really brush his teeth well , to the point of obsession .
I really found it upsetting as my other dc on the same diet had fine teeth with no decay at all . By feeding my little guy healthy snacks I had caused it .

DameDiazepamTheDramaQueen · 05/05/2014 07:44

Wabbity-why will it be fluoride?