to be angry with exH for feeding our daughter so much sugar?

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Dd is 5 and has regular trips to the dentist to put varnish on 3 teeth as the dentist is trying to avoid having them filled/removed. We've been told to limit dds sugar intake to prevent this. ExH didn't listen at first, so I got him to come along to a dentist appointment and hear it first hand. He knows as well as I do that fillings/removal at 5 is far from ideal and will most likely make dd extremely fearful of the dentist as she already hates it.

However, he continues to feed her a ton of sugar. Here, she drinks only water and milk and the only sugar she gets is from fruit plus a fortnightly helping of sweets or chocolate at the cinema. There, she drinks Ribena and Coke, plus McDonald's milkshakes, eats sugary breakfast cereals, has sweets several times per day, cake after lunch and dinner and this weekend has also had an icecream each day, candyfloss, an Easter egg each day etc. He doesn't brush her teeth or encourage her to at least try to.

Aibu to be angry that he keeps feeding her so much sugar when he's aware it'll end in pain for dd? She's too young to take responsibility for herself, though I've explained the consequences. Her mood is also terrible when she returns, no doubt as a result of the come down from so much sugar. My friend thinks I am being unreasonable as exH only has her eow and thinks if I'm making her disciplined and brushingher teeth the rest of the time then it's fine. However, she easily has a fortnights worth of sugar in one of his weekends which I think is certainly not on. Aibu?

I think you have actually done the best you can here OP, you have explained to your ex, he has been to the dentist, he knows DD is fearful.

He understands, he can't be bothered and still continues to feed her sugary crap. I can understand why he is your ex.

Fruit is also acidic and attacks teeth like others have said.

If I were you, I woud not give DD any sugary stuff at all. You can't control what your ex does but if you stop all sugar yourself that will help minimise any damage. He is seeing her EOW. That is still just twice a month as long as you don't give her anything sugary yourself

yabu (sort of) he is her dad and does his parenting different to you.
however he needs to brush her teeth, or encourage her to do so.

The compromise could be that he gives her one surgery treat every day he sees her. It's still not ideal though.

Can you send him lots of info about sugar and how bad it is for blood sugar levels etc

He's basically teaching her to binge eat, which is an awful habit to get into and can spiral as an adult. Will effect her health.

Can you send her with healthy snacks/cereal

Can you talk to her about being healthy, and eating healthily.

If probably play the 'if you really love her, you would want her to be healthy' card.

If probably play the 'if you really love her, you would want her to be healthy' card

Unlikely to work as he has been to the dentist with his DD and still doesn't care

Who is Nanny?

She is a dentist daughter

nanny is right better to eat sweets all in one go than spread out
I'm a dentist my DD is allowed occasional sugary food, i do not believe banning anything completely helps if fizzy juice is available at parties she gets it and the cake and haribo after but she certainly would not get them every day

too much fruit can cause a problem especially if acidic then brush teeth straightaway cheese does neutralise acid rapidly

frequency of sugar intake matters a great deal more than quantity ( this is not saying quantitiy is irrelevant) someone having just 3 meals a day even if sugar at each and brushing teeth properly is unlikely to have much of a problem provided drinking milk/water/tea/coffee ie non acidic and non sugar drinks

for teeth sugar free versions of fizzy juice are as bad if not worse for teeth as so acidic obviously they have less calories but do just the same damage to teeth

most people give children child size portions of dinner but when it comes to sweet treats they get adult portion ( sometimes difficult as some things come in single portion sizes) but a childs ( age 5) portion of icecream is a tablespoon 1 finger of a kitkat 1 small biscuit half a slice of cake etc maybe 8 smarties 5 chocolate buttons/jelly babies

From what Teacup has advised, it is better that your ex allows her to have loads in one go

Sounds like he is doing the right thing after all

So looks like YABU

damediazepam it will be fluoride because fissure sealants are applied once and then stay on the tooth. Current evidence says that applying fluoride varnish every three months can reduce decay by over 40%. The varnish isn't permanent hence needing reapplication.

sweetdreamz you sound like a complete cock. Just letting you know in case you didn't realise.

Mrsmorton you sound like a complete dirty arse just in case you didn't realise

I did not say loads in one go what OP described was way in excess of what I said and he is not giving it her in one go but about 8-10 lots per day per weekend,

there is nothing wrong with her having cake as pudding at weekends but when combined with fizzy juice ice creams chocolate sweets several times a day from my count it was more than 2-3 treats a days

what i said was better to eat your sensible portion of smarties in one go rather than 1 smarties every 20 minutes for 3 hours

on a saturday i would say a few treats are in order maybe biscuit for morning snack, ice-cream at park in the afternoon pudding or sweets after dinner is fine provided this is not happenning 7 days a week

He's not doing the right thing giving her coke & cake & sweets all day and not brushing her teeth.

Clearly that is extremely poor parenting.

Anyone who pretends it isn't is just being a silly-billy.

She can't control what her ex does, she can only do what is best for her DD when she is with her

It's extremely bad parenting, and yes you'd be a silly-billy to say otherwise!

Sweetdreams you seriously are misinterpreting what people are saying. Are you that dense?

And you are completely ignoring the effects on the body!

So she 'can't control' what ex does and therefore shouldn't care or try to do anything?? What a load of tripe. Also, this stuff about a one-off sugar binge not being too harmful simply doesn't apply to a whole weekend of coke, sweets and no brushing. That's completely different.

What do you suggest she does then dense tequila?

She has made an effort but ex is being a tosser

Let's hear your big ideas

Personally I would sit him down and tell him if he isn't willing to feed her properly contact may have to be supervised - maybe then it'll hit home how serious this is?

I haven't read that she's had a serious conversation with him about it - have you?

To be fair tequila I think dragging him along to the dentist to hear first-hand etc. constitutes a 'serious conversation' on the subject, but on the specific consequences that might arise to contact you're probably right.

ExH didn't listen at first, so I got him to come along to a dentist appointment and hear it first hand

Does this not count for anything? OP got professional to explain

Sorry I did miss that, but I stand by the contact point.

I have not read the whole lot just a few snidies. I am so glad you give her treats, fgs some MN children must have such sad lives eating only Boden embossed sugar free lentils

I really found it upsetting as my other dc on the same diet had fine teeth with no decay at all . By feeding my little guy healthy snacks I had caused it .

Some people just have genetically bad teeth. I eat healthy and I still have cavities. My teeth have all been drill to the point that, I really don't think there's much room left for cavities to even form anymore. I've sort of given up.